So, yeah, did you hear the one about the starting tight end and left tackle getting caught urinating outside after a day at the Memorial, only to run from the Shawnee Hills Police Department, leading to the chief of said police department to give pursuit before falling and breaking his pinkie finger?
Good times.
The aftermath: senior captain candidate Jake Stoneburner and junior Jack Mewhort have been suspended indefinitely by Urban Meyer and are barred from the Woody Hayes Athletic Center until their case is settled. Their arraignment is set for June 11 at Delaware Municipal Court, but charges may be dropped.
Look, on the outrage scale, public urination falls somewhere between jaywalking and texting while driving1. If you're a male (and maybe even a female) and you've gone out for a night of drinks in your youth, there's a good chance you've relieved yourself somewhere dark under the open night air. Hell, if you're young enough, there's a solid chance that you've done so in the last two weeks.
While traveling through India two years ago, I kept a mental tally of the number of times I saw someone urinating against a wall in broad daylight. Sometime after I crossed 80, I stopped counting. It's against the law in the United States -- I'm not debating that. But it's a relatively harmless (and typically victimless) crime.
The problem, of course, is that Stoneburner and Mewhort decided to run. Had they not run, chances are, they would have received a stern lecture and a warning2. Instead, they're now in Urban's doghouse.
Ohio State still hasn't issued a statement, but that may have changed by the time you read this. Like Braxton Miller and John Simon, Stoneburner and Mewhort are considered "Meyer's guys," in that they're looked upon as leaders, so there will be punishment. I have a hard time imagining they'll lose any games, but they may be getting to know Mickey Marotti pretty well when they return from their suspensions.
Meanwhile, defensive back Dominic Clarke, who was kicked off the team after his second run-in with the law in January, figured it would be a good time to reconnect with Buckeye fans and lobbed this bomb:
Sooo...lets see how urban meyer's bitch ass handles this one?
— Dominic Clarke (@D_Clark3) June 3, 2012
I have a feeling Clarke is going to be disappointed, but if he had any sense, he'd realize shooting a BB gun at people + an OVI > urinating in public, even if it does lead to a police chief breaking his pinkie while giving chase.
RISING: EZEKIEL ELLIOTT. With rumors of five-star running back Derrick Green potentially going Blue soon, good news on the recruiting front has been few and far between lately. No worries, though. I got you.
Ezekiel Elliott, a four-star running back prospect from St. Louis and member of Ohio State's 2013 class, had a huge day Sunday at NFTC Champaign:
Competing at the Nike Football Training Camp on Sunday at Memorial Stadium in Champaign, Ill., the Class of 2013 running back walked away with the trifecta: The Opening invite, Champion Gridiron Kings 7-on-7 team invite and the positional MVP.
"Ever since I was a little man playing football -- I played since I was 7 and my dad played Division I -- playing Division I was one of my goals," Elliott said, "so I kind of expected it. But I have to say I did exceed some of them. I really didn't think I'd be leaving here with an invitation to both The Opening and Gridiron Kings and running back MVP."
Sunday's success took Elliott by surprise somewhat because of the position he was in just one year ago. As a sophomore, Elliott missed the entire season because of a broken collarbone. While many top prospects rack up offers by the end of their sophomore seasons, Elliott entered his junior campaign without any offers or serious looks.
The honors are nice for Elliott, but are even sweeter when you consider he edged USC commit Ty Isaac for the positional MVP nod.
Elliott will join future Buckeye teammates Marcus Baugh, Cam Burrows, Jalin Marshall, Billy Price and Eli Woodard at The Opening, considered the premier national prep camp.
Elliott punched his ticket to The Opening over the weekend.ONE OF THESE LEAGUES IS NOT LIKE THE OTHER. Quick, pick the league that you think has the weakest penalties for failing a drug test. You picked the SEC, didn't you?
In the most successful league of the BCS-era, players routinely get third, fourth and even fifth chances before they're booted from the team; failed drug tests administered by the NCAA result in the automatic suspension.
To be fair, the AP only looked at the SEC and compared their penalties to those of the NCAA. While I realize kids in college will smoke marijuana -- and I'll spare you the old man outrage at the thought of them doing so, because I can't muster it (see Dennis Dodd for that) -- it would be nice if all leagues played on a level playing field.
As a Buckeye fan watching the Tressel era, I came to expect the one or two players suspended in the lead up to bowl kickoff for "a violation of team rules." Maybe if we are moving to a four team playoff, we can get some movement on this front. The SEC stepped up to address its oversigning problem, and Mike Slive is PR-conscious enough to move on this.
SHHHHH. I'm not a golfer, so I've never appreciated the need for complete silence on the golf course. After all, if a guy can stand in a batter's box and face a 95 mph heater with rally sticks echoing through a stadium, surely a PGA pro can drive a ball with camera shutters going off in the background.
Phil Mickelson disagrees. The golfer pulled out the Memorial after shooting a 79 on Thursday, citing "mental fatigue," but his playing partners Bubba Watson and Rickie Fowler said spectators using their cell phones to take photos may have contributed to Lefty's exit.
Cue the Golden Bear for an epic quote:
"There is no way in the world you could have a tournament police that policy,'' Nicklaus said Saturday as the third round of the Memorial Tournament got underway. "What do you want, the Gestapo out there? It's kind of ridiculous. You've got 30,000, 40,000 people out there. How are going to go out there and do that? That's crazy, you can't do that.''
Love you, Jack.
[META]. After a month of interviewing quality candidates, we have our beat writer. Look for an official announcement on Wednesday. Thank you to everyone that contributed to our Respect the Basement fundraiser. Big things are in store.
ETC: Found at the Springdale, Arkansas Goodwill... South Carolina fan trolls Clemson fans hard at a baseball game over the weekend... Tom Crean really, really wants to play Kentucky... Accurate... Freddie the Falcon breaks Omertà... Sign-hacking on Woodruff... IMPORTANT: How to turn a watermelon into a keg... Great news on the war against prostate cancer front... Ah, we're flattered.
- 1 Texting while driving is infinitely more dangerous than public urination. That's just science.
- 2 Then again, the Memorial is just one big fundraiser for the SHPD, so they may have been ticketed, regardless.
