The Big Ten conference kicked off its 2016 season with its 45th annual luncheon and media days in Chicago on Monday afternoon.
Pat Fitzgerald (Northwestern), Darrell Hazell (Purdue), James Franklin (Penn State), Tracy Claeys (Minnesota) and Jim Harbaugh (Michigan) headlined the first day of coaching interviews from the podium.
Usually these events turn a college football fan's Twitter timeline into an endless stream of repetitive soundbite quotes that coaches labor to put forth. This is still Big Ten football, however, and comedy is always around the corner to the trained eye.
Without further ado, the good tweets (and accompanying video of each coach's appearance).
PAT FITZGERALD, NORTHWESTERN
The big news to come out of Pat Fitzgerald's interview was a snub of Lovie Smith when welcoming the new coaches to the Big Ten. Though this would've been the most interesting thing to transpire in the Northwestern–Illinois rivalry in my 29 years of life, Fitzgerald would later claim it was unintentional.
What does appear intentional is his blocking of people who don't blog about the Wildcats. He also set himself on a new frontier of American coaching: Using the bench as a motivator.
Classy opening by #Northwestern's Pat Fitzgerald acknowledging the passing of Mike Sadler & Sam Foltz and fmr NU coach Denny Green.
— Bruce Feldman (@BruceFeldmanCFB) July 25, 2016
Northwestern's Pat Fitzgerald welcomed all the new coaches to the conference, except Lovie #Illini #Wildcats
— Michal Dwojak (@mdwojak94) July 25, 2016
If you're not getting the job done, you get to meet my friend and motivator called Bench. Pat Fitzgerald
— Eleven Warriors (@11W) July 25, 2016
Reporter to Pat Fitzgerald: "The three games you lost last year weren't very close ..." Fitz, chuckling: "Yeah, thanks for the reminder."
— Stewart Mandel (@slmandel) July 25, 2016
I never once Tweeted at Pat Fitzgerald. pic.twitter.com/QLGUStQm3L
— Mark Primiano (@SBN_UGod) July 25, 2016
Hey @LovieSmith sorry I "fumbled" the presser- WELCOME TO THE @bigten my friend!! #B1GMediaDay
Pat Fitzgerald (@coachfitz51) July 25, 2016
DARRELL HAZELL, PURDUE
Yes, Darrell Hazell is miraculously back for his fourth media days after winning six games over three years. According to Purdue's coach, the Boilermakers are moving in the right direction and poised to raise some Hell in the Big Ten West this year.
In his defense, he basically returns the entirety of a team that went 2-10 in 2015 and 1-7 in Big Ten play. It didn't stop the media from treating as mercilessly as any other Purdue opponent.
If what Darrell Hazell believes about Purdues football team comes to fruition, I think theyre going to win the Super Bowl.
— Jeremy Birmingham (@Birm) July 25, 2016
Darrell Hazell: Our morale is off the charts right now.
— Eric Seger (@EricSeger33) July 25, 2016
sure
Darrell Hazell explaining 6 wins over 3 seasons is a growing process is like listening to John Turturro explain his fee in The Night Of
— Luke Zimmermann (@lukezim) July 25, 2016
Purdue coach Darrell Hazell: Were in a great place right now.
— Tim Shoemaker (@TimShoemaker) July 25, 2016
.
"It really is a nice place."
— Kevin Harrish (@Kevinish) July 25, 2016
-Darrell Hazell, probably pic.twitter.com/KftP2SNLKQ
The collective B1G media getting these Darrell Hazell tweets off their chest pic.twitter.com/87n4LzY2yM
— Ryan Donnelly (@RDonnellyBG) July 25, 2016
CHRIS ASH, RUTGERS
Pour one out for former Ohio State defensive coordinator Chris Ash, who is going through with this "coaching Rutgers" thing.
Ash putt off the specter of a rivalry with Michigan (for now), preached the Urban Meyer culture gospel, and admitted he asked Rutgers sachems if they were trying to compete in the Big Ten or if they were satisfied by receiving an annual windfall of TV contract money.
Ash said he asked Rutgers officials before taking job if program was really committed to succeeding in Big Ten and not just being in it.
— Bill Rabinowitz (@brdispatch) July 25, 2016
Rutgers head coach Chris Ash, asked about Michigan rivalry: I'll start by saying there's no rivalry with Michigan. Yet.
— Eleven Warriors (@11W) July 25, 2016
Chris Ash has worked at five straight schools with red as a color and should therefore own a more interesting tie than the one he's wearing.
— Ryan Ginn (@RyanGinnBSB) July 25, 2016
Ash attributes recruiting success to the ongoing culture change, starting with locker room environment and how current players represent it.
— Garrett Stepien (@GarrettStepien) July 25, 2016
JAMES FRANKLIN, PENN STATE
James Franklin went 7-6 in both of his first two years at Penn State, but PSU's coach would like to remind everyone the Nittany Lions have 85 scholarships now, which means this is actually his first year on the job.
He also wants you to know how excited he is about this year, which again, is his first year with 85 scholarships.
Franklin: "It's our first year back to 85 scholarships. That's significant for us."
— Collegian Football (@psufootblog) July 25, 2016
James Franklin sounding a lot like 2013-14 Brady Hoke right now.
— Nick Baumgardner (@nickbaumgardner) July 25, 2016
James Franklin has a lot riding on new OC Joe Moorhead from Fordham. No more scholarship excuses, fans want to see an exciting offense.
— Stewart Mandel (@slmandel) July 25, 2016
Theres very few programs that would have been able to come through what we came through. James Franklin
— Dennis Dodd (@dennisdoddcbs) July 25, 2016
Final count of times James Franklin said excited at podium: 11.
— Eric Seger (@EricSeger33) July 25, 2016
TRACY CLAEYS, MINNESOTA
Nobody expects much from new Minnesota frontman Tracy Claeys, whom the conference forced into new and uncomfortable threads.
Claeys claims this will be the best Minnesota team since he's been there. (He came from Northern Illinois with Jerry Kill in 2011.) I still think it's a bad omen when your coach's misfitting suit is the most noteworthy aspect of a season-opening address, but Gophers fans would point out Bill Belichick never gets accused of being a fashionista, either.
Is Tracy Claeys a young Bill Belichick? I'll let the Gophers play this fall answer that.
Watching B1G Media Day on TV, Minnesota's Tracy Claeys does not look comfortable in a suit
— Mark Kunz (@MarkAKunz) July 25, 2016
CLAEYS: You say whats the most uncomfortable part of the job, I say its the suit and tie. I prefer a sweatshirt. #Gophers
— Aj PokMansour (@AjKFAN) November 11, 2015
Minnesota's coach no longer looks like an actual gopher but that's like the sixth-biggest crime committed by their athletic dept recently.
— Ryan Ginn (@RyanGinnBSB) July 25, 2016
Minnesota's Tracy Claeys talking about the momentum from their bowl win. They went 5-7 and beat Central Michigan.
— Stewart Mandel (@slmandel) July 25, 2016
MINN's Tracy Claeys, who took over for Jerry Kill mid-last year: Were going to enter season with best football team since weve been here"
— Tim May (@TIM_MAYsports) July 25, 2016
JIM HARBAUGH, MICHIGAN
Jim Harbaugh dressed like a flippant teenager, spoke like he's programmed by an alien algorithm and earned the dubious distinction as the only coach not to offer condolences to Nebraska and Michigan State after the tragic death of Sam Foltz and Mike Sadler.
That is to say, it was just another day at the office for Harbaugh, who apparently is Jabrill Peppers' biggest fan.
When mom insists you wear your suit to church, but shes willing to compromise pic.twitter.com/SCnvEOcnnF
— Tom Fornelli (@TomFornelli) July 25, 2016
Only one coach so far hasn't addressed Nebraska and Michigan State in their opening statement.
— Erin Sorensen (@erinsorensen) July 25, 2016
Asked Jim Harbaugh what the first game is like
— Taylor Rooks (@TaylorRooks) July 25, 2016
"There are so many mistakes. I'd rather get a root canal than coach the first game"
Jim Harbaugh on his rap video: I think the cool people liked it."
— Tim Shoemaker (@TimShoemaker) July 25, 2016
Harbaugh on Peppers: "If he keeps working ... he could explode into a giant of a man."
— Nick Baumgardner (@nickbaumgardner) July 25, 2016
Harbaugh: "All positions based upon a meritocracy. Is that a real word, or did I make that up? It's a real word?" Fantastic.
— John U. Bacon (@Johnubacon) July 25, 2016
Jim Harbaugh tops James Franklin for longest opening statement today.
— Vincent Lungaro (@VinceLungaro) July 25, 2016