One of the perks to being a fan as opposed to a player — other than, you know, not risking paralyzation or premature rotting of the brain through sport — is the ability to look past the next opponent.
It's impossible, of course, for players to look past their next opponent. Go ahead and ask them; they'll tell you they're not thinking about anybody besides Northeast Minnesota State (Sink the Banana Gophers, baby!).
But us fans aren't bound by a millionaire coach who would make us run sprints for our thought-crimes. WE CAN DO WHAT WE PLEASE.
So, let's take a look at Ohio State's 2015 schedule as it stands in... March (get your ass in gear, space-time continuum).
AT VIRGINIA TECH
Should be a taxing that would make King George cringe in horror, but it's not like many people had Ohio State pegged for the upset in Columbus, sooooo....
As season openers go, it doesn't get much better than this in college football. The primetime Labor Day atmosphere is going to make it that much more electric.
I'd also like to take this moment to thank Virginia Tech and Ohio State for the traditional home-and-home scheduling. A trip to Blacksburg is much more enticing than a trip to some billionaire's soulless lump of concrete.
HAWAII
How much money would it take for you to take an ass-whipping? And I'm not talking about a few punches to your covered face; I'm talking about a beating that would put you in the E.R. for a fortnight.
That's the question with which Hawaii's athletic department wrestled before deciding to pimp its student-athletes 4,500 miles away from home.
The icing on the cake would be if this becomes a noon game. That'd be like, 5 a.m. local time for poor Hawaii. (Bet the house on the Bucks if that happens.)
NORTHERN ILLINOIS
This is actually the season opener for Northern Illinois.
Northern Illinois was the 2014 MAC champion before getting drilled by Marshall in something called the Boca Rotan Bowl.
"Northern Illinois will be tough! They're the defending MAC champions!" will be a constant refrain. And then gangs of true freshmen will be spotted midway through the third quarter of another OSU-MAC laugher.
Sadly, this is the best out-of-conference home game.
WESTERN MICHIGAN
This will a week of P.J. Fleck puff pieces. His team might force a 3-and-out on Ohio State's first drive, but it's all down hill for the Broncos from there.
This will be the game your dipshit co-workers tries to pawn his tickets off on you and acts like a face-value price is some sort of blessing. Just scalp a ticket twenty minutes before kickoff; they will be given away.
AT INDIANA
Ah, lovely: Another trip to the Horseshoe's weird cousin. I suppose anything is capable in Indiana (especially under the candles of Memorial Stadium), but I'm not about to pump myself up about playing a team that's 17-71 since 2004.
MARYLAND (HOMECOMING)
I only half-jokingly thought the Terps would go winless in their first B1G year, but Maryland handled itself alright.
Are they at the point where I'm going to get up at 7 a.m. and pop an illegally-caffeinated FourLoko because the Terps are rolling into town? Not yet.
PENN STATE
This is the year Penn State fans realize James Franklin is an average coach come game day, and the Lions don't scare me half as much when they're drawn out of their eastern Pennsylvanian voodoo lounge.
Still, after a month of feasting on nutritionally-worthless cupcakes, I might be able to huff enough paint to work myself into a psychotic frenzy for a game featuring a two-loss Penn State team.
This is October's best game by a landslide.
AT RUTGERS
You know that family getaway to gorgeous New Brunswick, New Jersey you've kept on the backburner for the last decade? THIS IS YOUR CHANCE.
Who would be stupid enough to pass on an opportunity to see Ohio State play in one of college football's most fabled arenas, High Point Solutions Stadium? Not me. I'm going to take out a bunch of credit cards to finance this trip.
If only Rutgers had the football team to go along with the scenery and stadium lore.
BYE
These, bewilderingly, aren't illegal yet, but at least there's only one this year. (It also comes at a good time.)
MINNESOTA
Jim Tressel always used to say November is for contenders, so it's no surprise Ohio State opens the month with one of the Big Ten's fiestiest characters.
Jerry Kill's team is known to harness Dilly Bar dark magic, so no result can be ruled out here. Minnesota is pegged as my trap team until Jerry Kill hang's up his sorcerer's robe.
This is the third best home game of the 2015 schedule.
AT ILLINOIS
Hopefully this is the game where Darron Lee shouts "WHAT'S MY NAME?" at Tim Beckman before ripping his heart out at midfield. If that happens, it would be the most interesting thing to happen during a game in Champaign this millennium.
The only reason I will watch this game is to see if Darron Lee rips Tim Beckman's heart out.
MICHIGAN STATE
Should be a front-runner for Big Ten Game of the Year and will probably be played at night.
I'm not enthused about the idea of a season-ending gauntlet of Michigan State, at Michigan, B1G Championship, Cotton/Orange Bowl, and then the national title, but to be the Man, you have to beat five other wannabes.
This game, however, will make for dynamite television, which I'm going to remind myself as we trundle through three-fourths of September and all of October.
AT THAT SCHOOL UP NORTH
There is literally nothing I can add to hype this game, as it's already achieved legendary status despite being 247 days away.
My only concern is for my liver and my freedom.
Over all, this schedule isn't 2013 bad, but as it stands now, it's not exactly a murder's row.
However, as the reigning world champions, Ohio State no longer needs "strength of schedule" as long as it handles its dang business along the way.
Plus, if Ohio State rips through Michigan State, Michigan, the Big Ten runner-up, and two playoff teams, their second title in as many years might be even less disputed than the last one.
As such, it is the judgement (no typo) of this high court that Ohio State's 2015 schedule deserves a C+, which the judge does not mean as slander (and has the transcripts to prove it).
