It's 51 hours before the 112th rendition of The Game, and lizard person Jim Harbaugh does little more than bemuse me.
Michigan fans revel in the fact he's weird, intense, and morbid. Here on Earth we call that "creepy."
To be clear, I'm not talking "lotion on the skin" creepy. Harbaugh is a virtuoso of benign creepiness. As an Ohio State fan, #content producer, and human with interest in alien anthropology: I can't get enough of it.
Harbaugh & Screech: Benign creeps in a pod.
Some people will tell you they "hate" Harbaugh. Like I said, I blogged from my mother's uterus in November 1986. If goofy 1980's Jim Harbaugh guaranteed victory in the Horseshoe and saw his prophecy fulfilled with a missed kick... well, my opinions would be radically different.
But I don't bear those scars, and I'm not about to defile those who do by pretending otherwise.
Truth be told, other than Biakabatuka devastating the state (20 years ago yesterday) in a scene straight out of Apocalypto, I don't bear scars from the Cooper era either.
I came into Ohio State football, basically, when Jim Tressel big-ball danced down I-71. Maurice Clarett—excuse me, "No. 13"—was the first (and second to last) Ohio State jersey I bought.
We all know what happened from there. Jim Tressel dominated Michigan for a decade, most notably breaking Michigan's spine in the No. 1 vs. No. 2 Game in 2006.
The next nine seasons Michigan was a laughingstock.
As a student in 2008—the first year of Rich Rodriguez's glorious reign—I didn't even use my student ticket because I woke up at 11 and didn't want to deal with game day traffic. That may seem like sacrilege, but No. 10 Ohio State was facing a three-win Michigan team.
I watched Ohio State clobber the Wolverines, 42-7, from the comfort of my drafty apartment. I don't regret the decision.
The Rodriguez debacle, compounded with the hiring of Dave Brandon, the bungling of the original Jim Harbaugh pursuit, and the appointment of Brady Hoke led to one Michigan victory in its next nine swings. Its one victory (No. 2 since 2003!) came over an interim coach and a six-win Ohio State team.
Rodriguez: Great for Ohio State fans, not great for The Rivalry.
I'm not complaining about a 9:1 win:loss ratio, but it's not as if I'll be rocking someone else's grandchildren and telling them tall tales about what a pleasure it was to watch Brady Hoke meander on the sidelines.
Despite his "almost wins" against Urban Meyer, a super hero is only as legendary as his nemesis.
The Rivalry deserved more than Hoke's pop psychology tricks and unnecessary stubbornness with things like considering headsets heretic sorcery.
Hoke spent five years as an assistant coach at Michigan, but he played at Ball State. He was a pretender, a little kid with mustard all over his face while demanding to sit at the big boy table. Harbaugh was forged in The Rivalry and is a worthy tactical foil to three-time champion Urban Meyer.
Don't be fooled by Harbaugh's parlor tricks, either. Much like bringing the press to a revival of a traditional cemetery walk among ghosts of Michigan W's past, it's all part of his 89% calculated plot. (Impromptu insanity is the other 11.)
“Why would you associate the word hate with college football?”– The majestic Jim Harbaugh
Harbaugh's cult of personality allows him to act a lightning rod for media coverage. The benefit of that coverage is trifold: It strokes his ego, it's good for recruiting, and it allows his players to focus on doing their jobs.
It's hard to argue with results thus far (though short-term results were never his problem).
Harbaugh, in one year, turned Hoke's afterbirth into a two-loss team that's favored against No. 8 Ohio State. Michigan, for once, is becoming of The Rivalry and not some disheveled wino trying to dope fiend Ohio State and save the last shards of its pathetic season.
It's refreshing.
But as fun as the anticipation for this game has been, the buildup will pale in comparison to the opiate-like euphoria of dumping his team and its high-horse fans back into the dirt.
And that, my friends, is why we should be most thankful.
#BeatMichigan
