Ohio State went 0-4 last night at the ESPYs, which upset some people that are (apparently) passionate about the ESPY selection process. I'm just glad I can go back to my natural state, which is not giving a single damn about the freakin' ESPYs and avoiding people that care about them.
ICYMI: The Slobs paid it forward yesterday.
PUSH TMZ INTO THE SEA. You know that squinty "I wish a MFer would" look rappers' hitters give in the back of videos? That was my look while I read this trash and fingered the illegal pistol tucked in my waistband.
From TMZ.com:
Jones posted a "sneak preview" of what he's planning to rock to the ESPYs tonight -- a collection composed of a Gucci watch, Louis Vuitton shades, gold chains, another gold Invicta watch, diamond earrings and a gold belt buckle.
Oh, and his National Championship ring.
For some reason, Jones pulled the video off his Instagram after some of his followers began to question how he could afford such fancy stuff on his NCAA income.
*Me whispering in Cardale's ear* Should I let this bird fly, my man? 'Cause I'm ready to die over this. Are they? Nah, they ain't ready.
... Seriously though, unless Cardale killed or extorted for those designer items, then I don't care how he got them.
As for the Iron King himself, well, he was onto bigger and better things:
Soooooooo @RondaRousey what you doing after the show?
— Cardale Jones (@CJ12_) July 16, 2015
@KendallJenner heard you here? What section?
— Cardale Jones (@CJ12_) July 16, 2015
Shoot your shot. You never know.
WHO SAYS RUSSELL CAN'T SHOOT? This didn't count, but D'Angelo Russell is still making magic happen in the NBA Summer League.
There was this pearl against Dallas too:
Russell also earned some praise from Big Game James:
@Dloading passes are so advanced that recipients must be ready at all times. He can get you the ball in unusual places, like #Magic & #Nash.
— James Worthy (@JamesWorthy42) July 16, 2015
MA'AM? I don't care if this tweet if from July 4th. I saw it last night, and I laughed for about 15 minutes.
When Urban Meyer casually shows up at ur family party pic.twitter.com/xRZca1w6ym
— Hannah Hallos (@hannahhallos) July 4, 2015
Let's hope this party didn't end with Imposter Urban Meyer killing everybody. It would not be as funny then.
PLAXICO TORCHES SABAN. You know that friend from high school that was super chill but is now torn-down and dealing opiates? That's basically Alabama football now.
From Chase Goodbread of NFL.com:
HOOVER, Ala. -- Alabama has won 23 games and an SEC title in the last two years, but linebacker Reggie Ragland has noticed a difference since the Crimson Tide last won a national championship in 2012.
And at SEC Media Days on Wednesday, he summarized it this way: "Guys aren't scared to play us anymore. Now guys come in very happy, excited to play us. Before I got here, I used to see teams break down in the first half and just give up playing. We've got to get that back."
Bullies tend to lose their magical powers once they get smacked in the face.
On top of that, former Giants/Steelers WR Plaxico Burress took to Twitter and burned all 36 inches of Nick Saban to the ground:
I recall Nick Saban telling me to stay in school finish what I started, I wasnt 1st round pick and he left for LSU b4 the season was over
— Plaxico Burress (@plaxicoburress) July 15, 2015
Now Nick Saban goes on tv saying that kids are distracted by NFL projections. Well, the kids are just chasing a dream that you were. $$$
— Plaxico Burress (@plaxicoburress) July 15, 2015
N Saban looked his players in the face at the Duf, said he wasnt leavin, I'm committed to the program" and was gone the next day. Tru story
— Plaxico Burress (@plaxicoburress) July 15, 2015
Now Nick Saban players are being distracted by the NFL and chasing a dream, haha tell your story Nick. LSU showed you $$, you was GONE! Ha
— Plaxico Burress (@plaxicoburress) July 15, 2015
Nick Saban actually told me I was a second round pick. I said, "where are you getting your info from? Are you watching these games? Hahaha
— Plaxico Burress (@plaxicoburress) July 15, 2015
A sore loser and a hypocrite. And people wonder why I'm so quick to take Urban Meyer over Nick Saban. It's no longer a contest.
THOSE WMDs. Fifty does and don'ts for a sportswriter... China's Terraced Rice Patties Woke Up Like This... The Energy Drink Addict sure seems like a swell guy... Cutlery designed to float above the table... Knife-wielding intruder: "You're going to smoke some weed with me."
