It's Thursday, baby! Today's word is "emporium."
IT GOT REAL AT THE WOODY ON WEDNESDAY. Patriot Week is raging at the Woody Hayes Athletic Center as the team we all know and love undergoes summer workouts.
Urban Meyer brought in an Ohio State political professor on Tuesday to discuss presidential powers with his team. Wednesday's guest was of a different breed. Meyer brought in an Ohio State alumnus currently serving with one of the Navy's Sea, Air and Land Teams. That is to say, he is a Navy SEAL.
From dispatch.com:
But as a SEAL recounted for the Ohio State football team this week how his closest friend was killed in action April 6, 2007, he teared up.
“That’s why Memorial Day is important to me,” the SEAL – still active, he wanted his name withheld for the safety of his family – told Ohio State football players Wednesday.
[...]
Meyer and his staff had just passed out biographies of fallen U.S. soldiers, each player getting one of an individual different from his teammates. They were instructed to write letters to the surviving families, putting in their own words what their son’s or daughter’s sacrifice means to them, the letters to be collected Friday before the team goes through its week-ending “red, white and blue” workout.
Meyer keeps it real, and writing to the surviving families of American troops is about as real a Memorial Day lesson an American can get outside of joining the SEALs.
You know what that SEAL calls a "red, white and blue" workout? A cakewalk. (SEAL training killed one man and nearly drowned four others in 2016 alone.)
So when we're drinking our poisons and grilling our meats on Monday, let's be sure to thank the ones that paid the ultimate price. You can bet your beta ass Ohio State players will have a different understanding when Monday rolls around.
KING SLOB: OSU'S BEST RETURNING PLAYER? Taylor Decker belongs to the Detroit Lions now, which means the mantle of King Slob belongs to Pat Elflein. The former Pickerington North Panther played guard in 2015, but will move to center this season.
One publication rates him as Ohio State's best returning player.
From profootballfocus.com:
The Buckeyes lost so much production to the NFL that it’s difficult coming up with the answer here. It’s very likely that by season’s end one or more defensive players will have emerged as stars (edge defenders Tyquan Lewis and Sam Hubbard and linebacker Raekwon McMillan are among the candidates), but we’ll go with Elflein, who graded out as the 10th-best guard in the nation versus Power-5 competition last season, and is expected to thrive in his move to center. He allowed just one sack in pass protection and was a mauler in the running game.
I would argue J.T. Barrett is Ohio State's best returning player, but he wasn't as solid in 2015 as Elflein, who is also hampered by playing a less glamorous position. That's splitting hairs, though.
Giving Meyer two cornerstones like Barrett and Elflein, however, is akin to giving MacGyver two gallons of gas and asking him to build a bomb. Meyer and MacGyver created pyrotechnics with less in their day.
THOMAS DRAWS COLSTON COMPS. New Orleans Saints WR Michael Thomas hasn't played a game for the Black and Gold, but he's already drawing comparisons to Marques Colston.
From espn.com:
“If you’re striving to be someone in the National Football League, Marques Colston is [somebody you want to be],” [Keyshawn] Johnson said. “So if you ask me, ‘Well, what is he?’ There you go, that’s what he is. Bigger and faster, and he’s Marques Colston 2.0 or whatever you want to call him.”
[...]
“In high school, you could tell -- at least to me. And I like to think that I know a little bit about football and a little bit about the position,” said Johnson, who had a pretty good NFL career himself with 10,571 yards and 64 touchdowns.
“Now, people would say, ‘Oh, you didn’t know, you’re just saying that because he’s your nephew. Blah, blah, blah, blah.’ Well, yeah, I probably would say that just because he’s my nephew,” Johnson admitted. “But guess what? He’s now on the New Orleans Saints with the 47th pick. So obviously something I said meant something.”
Probably worth remembering Johnson lobbied numerous Pac-12 coaches to offer his nephew, and they all passed because uncles are notoriously unreliable scouts.
But who's laughing now? Not the Pac-12 national championship trophy case.
EZEKIEL ELLIOTT: STILL BLOCKIN'. Ezekiel Elliott, like Vonn Bell before him, is using the old Urban Meyer #lifehack of earning playing through special teams drills.
via @GoBucks2204:
Ezekiel Elliott got some first-team reps, also participated in special teams portion. (Blocked on punt team) pic.twitter.com/SdossuXFav
— Jon Machota (@jonmachota) May 25, 2016
If you think this year's draft was an NFL infomercial, wait until these NFL coaches get a load of Meyer's latest protégés. If this keeps up, I might earn an undrafted free agent look next year.
Elliott, for his part, is raring to get behind the Cowboys' offensive line:
Zeke: "Seeing how the line is able to get you to the 2nd level with no pads it's gonna be crazy to see what they can do [with] the pads on."
— Jon Machota (@jonmachota) May 26, 2016
SOUTH CAMPUS TACO BELL RISES IN SHITTIER FORM. When we think "resurrection," we tend to think of people (or things) rising in a stronger form. That is not the case for the South Campus Taco Bell, which is set to be demolished for a mixed-use building that will feature apartments... and the latest new abomination out of Taco Bell's R&D department.
From columbusunderground.com:
The Taco Bell located at 1525 North High Street in the South Campus area has recently closed, but it’s going to come back bigger and better than ever in 2017. The existing building will soon be demolished to make way for a new six-story apartment building, and while we already knew that the ground floor retail space would contain a new Taco Bell, we learned last week that it will actually be their first “Taco Bell Cantina” location in the Columbus area.
For those unfamiliar with the concept, Taco Bell launched its first two “Cantina” restaurants last year in San Francisco and Chicago, which feature a more modern design aesthetic and a simplified menu.
“These urban concept restaurants have five things in common that differentiate them from standard Taco Bell restaurants: décor, localized artwork, open kitchen layout, open plating and shareable menus,” explained Deborah Brand, VP of Development and Design at Taco Bell. “Additionally, Cantina restaurants may also serve alcoholic beverages, which can include beer, wine, sangria and twisted Freezes.”
In my day, we smuggled our booze into Taco Bell and shared our plates from a non-shareable menu because we were hardened criminals who were also friends.
That last quote should serve as the lede in the federal indictment against Yum! Brands for desecrating a grave.
THOSE WMDs. My modus operandi, distilled into one Vine... When my dad died on Facebook... Criminals cashing out on toxic food... Bobby Shmurda's jailhouse interview... 20,000 bees chase car for two days after queen gets stuck in boot... Primetime in Oklahoma City.
