It will not be fun to wake up Saturday and realize the Buckeyes don't play, but at least the DEA hasn't outlawed getting high Oklahoma highlights.
... Did y'all see Bob Stoops issue a media blackout for "a lot of guys" after his backup QB's "ridiculous comments"?
That's like calling out the affable family hamster after armed vigilantes arson your house.
Sure, it's disappointing your hamster didn't maul at least one enemy before that molotov cocktail crashed through your living room window, but a more pressing concern is why your home's defense rested on a hamster who didn't even know Krav Maga.
PERSONAL PROPAGANDA: My dad turned a crispy 35 at midnight, which is impressive for the biggest Marlboro Red superfan in our hemisphere. Haters said he passed his prime years ago, but he will still downvote anyone who ridicules his large adult son in an internet comment.
So, BuckeyePops (my dad's legal name, FYI), log in and claim your upvotes. It will help assuage a sliver of the guilt I feel for torpedoing the best years of your life as well as a retirement fund.
WELCOME TO NIRVANA. Folks, it appears the internet rumors were true: Urban Meyer is a dang good football coach.
But he's also a good sports coach, too. He could go to England and win an EPL title with Aston Villa in three years. That's how much faith I have in him as a leader of men.
From Mark Titus at theringer.com:
Let me be clear: I know no. 3 Ohio State beating no. 14 Oklahoma 45–24 on Saturday night doesn’t really mean much in the grand scheme. It’s still September, the toughest part of the Buckeyes’ schedule is yet to come, and the Sooners have had a reputation for falling short in big games for so long that even joking about it is played out at this point. But this isn’t about what transpired in Norman in Week 3. This is about the general feeling that comes with supporting the Ohio State football program in recent years. This is about all the pleasure brought on by being an alumnus of a school whose football team is coached by Urban Fucking Meyer. THERE’S JUST SO MUCH PLEASURE.
I assumed this would be a down year by Ohio State standards. The Buckeyes fell short of living up to their massive expectations last season, lost the best draft class in modern NFL history, and came into this fall with the single most inexperienced team in college football. Logic and reason told me to be ecstatic with a best-case scenario of 10 wins and a Citrus Bowl trip. Logic and reason also told me that this would finally be the year that Michigan would get over the hump versus Ohio State. But Urban Fucking Meyer told me to grab a wet cloth because this year’s team is going to leave me with quite the mess in the front of my pants.
[...]
I mean, I don’t get even a little nervous for big games anymore. That’s not to say that I think Ohio State is going to win every game. It’s just that I trust Meyer more than I trust anyone else in my life. I go into every game knowing that one of two things will happen: We will win (which is obviously great) or we’ll lose and Meyer will find a way to get us back in the national title hunt by the end of the season anyway (still pretty good!). Until another team is hoisting the national championship trophy, I’ll always think Ohio State has a shot at it, because that’s what having Meyer as your coach means.
(Ohio State fans used the phrase "down year" this summer? Not anyone who eats at my heart.)
Maybe this is the golden era of Ohio State. Maybe my mediocre son will live in a world where his old man can't make a living talking shit about Buckeye football on the internet.
But that day isn't here. And when Meyer retires, Ohio State beancounters will have all the data they need about what a boon an elite football team is to a university. They will hustle a slush fund to put a fleet of Brinks trucks on Tom Herman's driveway 72 hours after Meyer hangs it up. (I have $5 pledged to that slush fund, by the way.)
It does feel like being an Ohio State fan is cheating cosmic laws every sports fan condemns themselves to. It's not supposed to be this fun this consistently.
But I will never apologize because everyone in America had the same chance and chose poorly.
URBAN HUSTLES HARD. When Ohio State trotted out the punt unit Saturday night, No. 49 assumed his usual position at long snapper.
Except—you might want to sit down for this plot twist—Liam McCullough wasn't wearing No. 49.
A mystery illness sidelined him and forced walk-on Aaron Mawhirter into spot duty during the biggest game of Ohio State's season (to date).
From sanduskyregister.com:
“I walked into the facility last Sunday and some of the coaches asked if I was ready, and I had no idea what they were talking about,” Mawhirter said. “Then I got called into the office of my position coach — and he explained that Liam came down with an illness and that I would be starting.”
Mawhirter arrived to OSU as a preferred walk-on, which are generally the 20 extra players that fall within the NCAA-mandated 105-player roster limit, which can include a maximum of 85 scholarship players for Division I teams.
“My first reaction was disbelief,” he added. “I’ve been at Ohio State for four years now, and the game that’s regarded as the biggest regular season game in my time here would be my first actual play, and even my first start.”
You might ask, "Why did Ohio State switch numbers for a long-snapper?"
The answer is Urban Meyer has a psychology degree from Cincinnati, which makes him a master of the human mind. Oklahoma coaches probably couldn't pick McCullough out of a lineup, so why make it easy for the opposition to identify a key cog in a key play that's making his first career start?
Did you lay awake Wednesday night thinking about a botched snap by walk-on linebacker costing Ohio State a shot at a national title? I doubt it.
But thankfully for us, Meyer covered our bases with low-key subterfuge and high key coaching.
IT'S NOT ARROGANT IF IT'S TRUE. College football is the sport where the head coach has the most influence.
Sure, maybe Mike D'antoni didn't actually hit Brian Kelly in the back of a head with a brick this weekend, but a coach's influence reverberates through every aspect of the program. The coach establishes the culture of his program.
And when it comes down to it, the only coach in Meyer's league is Nick Saban. He is the only one that can match Meyer with talent, facilities, recruiting, development, and game-management.
The results speak for themselves.
From bscsn.tv:
Even for the best programs, down years are all but assured every now and then in an inherently transient world, where rosters turn over like the soil. Then there are Alabama and Ohio State, which brought its youngest roster in 46 years into the rattling cauldron of a desperate veteran power and left us wondering if we weren’t watching the best team in the country.
This was as impressive as any Buckeyes regular-season win over the past decade — right there with the victory at Michigan State in 2014 — and put the rest of the nation on notice.
Pick against Nick Saban or Meyer — winners of seven of the last 10 national titles and now No. 1 and 2 in the polls — and chances are you’ll be made a sucker. No matter how many stars they whisk off to the NFL, their ability to reload requires your near-blind faith.
We'll see what happens when Meyer's son, Nate, graduates from Bishop Watterson in two years, but the good news for Buckeye fans is Meyer is 12 years younger than Saban. As a 29-year-old, 12 years might as well be 70. I would give up a kidney for 12 more years of this.
But in all seriousness, my Waffle House runes forecast a Saban–Meyer championship banger. Saban will have to survive that first-round matchup against the winner of November's Houston-Louisville clash, though.
BOONE ASKS FANS TO STFU. The Minnesota Vikings bamboozled local taxpayers into subsidizing an arena more expensive than a NASA mission to Pluto. The franchise debuted it Sunday against their NFC rival, the Green Bay Packers.
Sam Bradford outdueled Aaron Rodgers in a game highlighted by Vikings medical staff dragging injured All-Pro running back Adrian Peterson through a players tunnel adjacent to a restaurant.
After the game, former Ohio State offensive tackle and current Vikings guard Alex Boone sounded off on the ignorance of his own fans' cheering during offensive possessions.
From thecomeback.com:
“It’s hard in the stadium. It’s louder for some reason in the stadium. I mean there’s a lot of times we can’t hear the center. We could barely hear the snap count today a couple times, could false starts cause guys didn’t know when the snap was going you know. It’s not… I’m not saying it’s the fans fault, but I’m just saying that you know it would be nice if they just shut the f*** up a little bit. How about that? I mean it was great and they were you know when the defense was up it was phenomenal. When the offense is up shut up. Just shut up. I can’t say it any simpler than that. You know what I mean? They’re starting to screw us a little bit,” Boone said.
Always love to see a deployment of the classic argumentative device where you say "I'm not doing this thing" before doing that thing.
IT'S THE SMALL THINGS. I wish the bye week were scheduled later in the season, but I refuse to be mad about the off week giving us an opportunity to savor the destruction of Oklahoma.
Curtis Samuel's 36-yard touchdown run to open scoring is a play we'll love to remember, and he was headed to the end zone before Pat Elflein hiked the ball:
The pre-snap motions from Ohio State caused OU a lot of problems on this first TD. pic.twitter.com/gJRARGxJ2n
— Patrick Murphy (@_Pat_Murphy) September 19, 2016
Samuel made a blueblood defense look like high schoolers with futures in middle management in part due to a defensive miscommunication. That is the margin of error playing Ohio State.
Speaking of margins, Billy Price isn't the best offensive lineman in America, but he's the type of guy you want guarding your back in a Tijuana knife fight.
Hello!! This is TEXTBOOK Looking For Work, Finishing, Tone Setting/Teamwork by RG 54. I bet DE didnt spin b... https://t.co/vENfGuGZId
— Aaron Taylor (@AaronTaylorCFB) September 19, 2016
Please direct all further questions about Tijuana knife fights to my lawyer, who tells me this press conference is over.
THOSE WMDs. Six brothers... Malaysian man jailed for living in executive airport lounges with fake boarding passes... The final run of the old 666... Two prison escapees' three weeks on the run in New York... From 2010: Eric Barr moves to Cleveland to follow the Browns.
