Good Morning, 11Dubskateers. Welcome to Wednesday, a day ordinarily detested for its 'in the middle-ness'. I encourage you, this Wednesday, to instead embrace Wednesday for all it can/could/will be. It used to be Lucky's beer pong Wednesday on Ohio State's campus; maybe that means it's time to break a door off its hinges, get a few step ladders from Home Depot, and make your wife leave you by playing pong with the boys til 2 in the morning on a weeknight. I dunno, just putting it out there.
Okay, so I'm not your regularly scheduled host around these parts at this time on this day, but special circumstances prevailed (basically I met up with the internet's Denny Mayo this past weekend, we launched into space, and fought a 72 hour intergalactic battle to protect the liberties each and everyone of you take for granted on a daily basis; think The Last Starfighter meets Ender's Game, and don't worry, you can thank us later.) That being said, I'll be your pilot for the remainder of your journey, even if that journey includes an inexplicable layover in Denver despite originating in the northeast and meaning to conclude in the south (LOOKING YOUR WAY SOUTHWEST AIRLINES!!1!). So let's go *WHOOSH* under... here:
Derrell Johnson-Koulianos had a better time his senior year in college than you did Unfortunately that time has come to an all too tragic end after the Hawkeyes wide receiver seems all but certain to miss their bowl game after being hit with a bevy of drug related charges on Tuesday. Sorry, but this isn't an opportunity to wax cynical about different socioeconomic classes, races, or whatever other hate speech you've been building up internally since that guy driving 50 in the 45 made you feel uncomfortable by zooming around you and exposing your unwillingness to drive aggressively in a non-highway environment first thing this morning. Johnson-Koulianos is the product of an incredible story where personal family hardships resulted in a best friend's family adopting him and raising him as their own. This latest chapter is none the less an isolated personal tragedy that probably goes against his character and in many ways is looking to be all the makings of a young man being compounded by a very unfortunate series of poor decisions. Don't try and rational his bevy of life altering gaffes as the cold, calculated misgivings of a heartless cancer to society; a combo of painkillers, weed, and llé could just as easily have been harbored in the dorm room of a best friend's son or daughter, or god forbid, our very own kids. It's idiotic, it's mindless, but unforgivable? Let's ignore the 'war on drugs' buzz charges that will never stick in infinity years, like "drug house" (often used to tan the hide of individuals unwilling to narc/sell out roommates in throw the book at them type initial sentencing capacities), and instead remember that our very society is set up to give people the second (and in some cases, third or fourth) chances history hasn't always been forgiving enough to provide. DJK's personal hell is just beginning, and rest assured the cost will be great, but doing anything other than wishing the kid the best in his time of need (or praying for him, if that happens to be your thing), is high horse/glass house snobbery at its worst, and really, not what someone in the war of their life probably needs at their most trying hour.
The NCAA is bad at this whole 'collegiate athletic association thing' In lieu of their criminal, legalese heavy, hypocrisy rich gross mishandling of the Cameron Newton situation, the NCAA kindly fulfills every negative stereotype directed towards them in the last, oh, 20+ years in one foul swoop:
[Dion] Nesmith, a multi-sport standout for the Farmers, went to play football at Northeastern, where he redshirted as a freshman quarterback in 2009. At season's end, it was announced that the school was dropping the sport.
So Nesmith transferred to Monmouth, where the NCAA has ruled him ineligible to play basketball this season, essentially holding him strictly to the basketball transfer policy, which requires a student-athlete to sit out a year
Aasdfasdfasdf.
At least Cecil Newton suddenly knows nothing about that money a year ago he assured the city of Newman he had to keep his condemned church from being torn down. And it's not like he'll be busy this weekend what with him being barred from the Auburn program for the amateurism killing action he took "without his son's knowledge". Oh...
"The only monster here here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother. I call him 'Gamblor' " So, the Big Ten (as has become hot button in the commentariat around these parts of late) is either SUPER AWESOME or MEH, not so good in teh bowls, depending on how scarlet tinted your personal prescription is. Last year, unquestionably, seemed to be at least somewhat of a turning point bowl wise, and the conference has by even advanced metrics been ranked in the top 3 or 4 conferences in the country year wide. Vegas, however, isn't feeling quite so plucky, as presently every team but Wisconsin (and that's not mentioning the some books that have TCU as favorites; but, no, go ahead and tell me this is a Cincinnati-Florida matchup and that Wisconsin will win by 3 TDs because that highlight package you of TCU that one time was unimpressive and Bielema scored 70+ twice) and Ohio State go in as underdogs. If you're a chip on the shoulder guy who likes to bump Jon Brion produced Spoon tracks, life's feeling pretty good right about now; sure, two of the 8 teams from the conference you probably somewhat align with are facing an uphill battle, but that's just the way you like it. "Anything easy, ain't worth a damn," right Woody? On the other hand, if you're the insecure chip on the shoulder type who likes to fight people twice your size [via 'Napoleon complex'] and go to the opposing team's bar just to rile people up, the next month might be, a little rough. Take a deep breath, and remember: an isolated non-sequitur series of games not put together because of the primacy of the matchup, but the hypothetical ticket grossing/eye ball accumulating potential D.N.E. a mandate or litmus test for one, or any number of group of collegiate football programs, regardless of the outcome. Silly hyperbole may make great talking points fervor following elections, but it doesn't make statistical insignificance and priming fallacies facts because you (or somebody else) feels like puffing their chest. The Big Ten isn't "back" because Ohio State and Wisconsin win and it isn't doomed if they lose. Let's just enjoy all this free bonus football we get, shall we?
Reason #23490283094 To Not Care For Arkansas In The Next 3 Weeks Someone you know Coaches their special teams. He's loud. He's animated. He's K2-rific. He's also hilarious. You've wanted to hire him for your kids' birthday parties the last 2 years, but you didn't know where he was. Have no fears: While he may no longer be able to entertain your children while you sip Screwdriver through a McDonalds straw with the other bored parents, you'll never forget the times we once had:
Missed u, John (unchil)L. Smith.
Tressel Porn Jim Tressel did the most Jim Tressel thing he's ever Jim Tressel'd this past weekend: they offered ($$$) a 6'4, 185 pound wunderkind long snapper. I'm sure some of you are probably quick to go "WOOO-WEE leave that scholly open for a preferred walk on; FIRE TRESSEL", etc, I mean, assuming the buzz related to this kid is right and he really snaps a ball two tenths of a second faster than anyone else in his age group (a quantum difference in terms of punt rush sense) and as long as it's still illegal to just bow over the long snapper on every punt, maybe we've finally found the most Jim Tressel player of Ohio State football's golden era. While I'm nowhere near qualified to determine if this matters or not (and given that guys of the Rocco Pentello career arc get schollies, I have a hard time seeing the monster downside), I instead implore each and every one of you to embrace The Vest's most carnal pleasure, and watch a 'long snapping prodigy' do his thing in all its splendor:
