Yesterday, out of morbid curiosity, I wanted to see if I could write an entire sentence in cursive. After the first three attempts ended with my usual cursive-print hybrid, I finally managed to get half a sentence out in barely-legible cursive. That was until I came to the capital cursive I. I knew the shape, but I didn't know which side of the I its ridiculous tail protruded from. Both ways looked okay to me. The saga ended with me going outside, crumpling to the ground and crying like a child and shaking my fists in anger at the sky.
My gosh, how much time has been wasted teaching our nation's studentry cursive writing? No wonder the world is laughing at our flailing schools. They might as well be trying to revive Latin, because cursive writing is headed to a grave plot right next door.
In my youthful naivety, I actually took pride in this absolutely pointless exercise. I was so proud to learn my cursive alphabet because I was a freaking moron. (Insert somebody supremely witty rushing to their keyboard to type "YOU STILL ARE, BUDDY!" as if I'd object to their notion or be offended by it.)
Here's an idea: abolish cursive writing and teach third graders useful skills like learning Mandarin or computer programming. There is no point to cursive writing other than to look pretentious when writing a letter, and when was the last time anybody in America wrote a letter?
The prosecution rests, Your Honor.
OHIO STATE FOOTBALL NIXES '16 OUT-OF-CONFERENCE GAME. The Chippewas of Central Michigan had been on the 2016 docket, but according to the Columbus Dispatch, Ohio State nixed the MAC-B1G banger yesterday with a few words typed onto a piece of papyrus and faxed to Central Michigan's athletic offices. (That's how all Real Serious Business is handled, right? The fax machine?)
The cancelation comes on the heels of the B1G's divisional re-alignment and nine conference game slates which are scheduled to take place next year. Ohio State opens the 2016 campaign on September 3rd with a game against Bowling Green. The next week of September 10th is the other game which was probably up for cancelation: a date with the Tulsa Golden Hurricane. The week after that, on September 17th, the Buckeyes travel to desolate Norman, Oklahoma, to tangle with Sooners. Hopefully the Sooners are pegged as pre-season world-beaters or the B1G steps its game up, because I doubt that out-of-conference schedule will be enough to satisfy the hating-ass punditry.
Speaking of schedules, I just realized I'm to be 30 in 2016. Hopefully the Buckeyes win those games, or whatever, because I hope my corpse is rotted in the ground and worms are feasting on my petrified intestines by then.
OHIO STATE BASKETBALL OFFERS '15 5-STAR SF. Yesterday, Ohio State offered Australian prospect Ben Simmons a full ride in return for his basketball prowess. Simmons, a 6'8" 200 lbs small forward playing ball for Florida's Montverde Academy, is teammates with Ohio State's 5-star 2014 commitment D'Angelo Russell. According to Yahoo!'s Rivals, Simmons only other offer is from the University of Florida. Judging by his highlights, there will be more schools vying for his signature:
GENE SMITH HAS RISENGENE SMITH MAKING MOVES. Mark Emmert, in an obvious ploy to preserve his power, has formed a Council of Athletic Directors to tackle the issues of 21st century collegiate athletics, bring athletic directors into the fold, and move away from the university president-led model of yesteryears:
The athletic directors on the council will include Mitch Barnhart at Kentucky, Gene Bleymaier at San Jose State, Greg Byrne at Arizona, John Currie at Kansas State, Dave Heeke at Central Michigan, Warde Manuel at Connecticut, Dan Radakovich at Clemson, Gene Smith at Ohio State, Peter Fields at Division I-AA Montana State and Peg Bradley-Doppes at Division I-AAA Denver (the non-football division).
Gene Smith continues the absolute blinder he's been on since Ohio State's fans and alumni were clamoring for his head to roll in the wake of Tatgate. Whether it's the hiring of Urban Meyer, making sure Ohio State is on the forefront of LGBT equality in college athletics, or joining this apparent council of power brokers, Gene Smith has really done well for himself and the university. Take a bow, Mr. Smith, you've certainly earned it.
AN UPDATE ON THE 2014 QB SITCH. According to Marc Givler from Buckeye Grove yesterday, 2014 Californian quarterback Brandon Dawkins made his way to Ohio State's campus yesterday to throw for coaches. The 3-star quarterback has offers from the likes of Michigan and Notre Dame. Is an offer forthcoming? Well, according to Dawkins, it might depend on what Louisiana's Brandon Harris ends up doing.
JALYN HOLMES DOESN'T WANT IT TO END. There's a lot of prospective football talent on Ohio State's campus today and this weekend. One of those prospects is the Rivals' 3rd best defensive end, Jalyn Holmes. After a visit to the football sanctuary that is Ohio Stadium, the 2014 4-star Virginian (with offers from Clemson and Florida State) had this to say:
I don't wanna go home !!!
— Jalyn Holmes #⃣1⃣1⃣ (@JayHolmes_) June 18, 2013
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