Monday Skull Session

Marcus Baugh, man, what are you doing? I can't find too much outrage about underage drinking or carrying a fake ID — two crimes I committed with impunity as a teenager — but I do take issue with unironically drinking at Charlie Bear. Friends don't let friends enter the Land of Dance for reasons that are probably pretty clear to Marcus right now. (He's scheduled to be arraigned at 9 a.m. this morning.)

Actually, the entire Gateway is an area that should be avoided entirely; unless you're a fan of blaring pop music, obnoxiously drunk girls and frat guys wearing pastels. It's also Cop Central, precisely the type of area you should avoid if you're a highly recognizable athlete looking to illegally booze. 

Yet, in America, you are innocent until proven guilty. A friend and I were cited for jaywalking at 11th and High (the exact location of Baugh's arrest). Thankfully for us, we fought the charges, and they were eventually tossed out due to the ticket being filled out incorrectly. (11th Avenue is on North High Street, not South.) So keep your head up, young Marcus, you may be vindicated yet.

I do, however, doubt these principles apply in the Court of Urban Meyer. If Baugh isn't suspended from the team — as Urban did last summer in punishment of Leakgate — I have a feeling Mickey Mariotti is going to own his soul until the next calendar year. May God have mercy on your soul, Marcus, because Mickey Mariotti sure won't.

BUCKEYE REBIRTH. Bill Rabinowitz, beat writer for the Columbus Dispatch, was granted unprecedented access to last year's Ohio State football team. The result is Buckeye Rebirth, a 272-page hardcover book on a team that went 12-0 and will ultimately have a special place in the annals of Buckeyes football history. (Some chill bro named "Earle Bruce" wrote the foreword.) 

Rabinowitz is calling this book "the definitive tale" on the 2012 Ohio State Buckeyes, and it focuses on the special motivation required by Urban Meyer to spur his players through a season with no postseason glory. Meyer cooperated fully with the project, and Rabinowitz was able to talk to all of Ohio State's assistants, Urban's family and even former players to flesh out just what kind of man Ohio State's football coach is. 

The 2013 campaign kicks off in *checks watch, curses softly* in a little over a month, so there's plenty of time to scoop this book through Amazon and read it by the poolside while you sip alcoholic beverages out of hollowed out coconuts with little umbrellas in them. If you're into that kind of thing, of course.

 BRACE YOURSELVES, TOUGHER SCHEDULING IS COMING. Ramzy already gave the 11W community a good read on the perceived toughness of Ohio State's 2013 schedule, and Ohio State already tries to schedule one out-of-conference banger per year. The problem with those is they must be scheduled years in advanced, and there's no telling if the powers of today will maintain their swagger through Ohio State's date with them in 2018. The Big Ten, to its credit, is attempting to remedy this through what it calls "parity scheduling" coming in 2016 (via the Columbus Dispatch):

Big Ten senior associate commissioner Mark Rudner said the conference deliberately configured the schedule to pit more top teams from each division against each other. Rudner called it “parity scheduling.”

He said the plan benefits players and fans. Players want to test themselves against top competition, and fans want to see the most competitive games.

“Ideally, we’re hopefully going to have as many (pivotal) divisional games scheduled in November as possible so you build to a crescendo toward our championship game,” Rudner said. “I can’t wait for it to happen.”

Well, it took the B1G the better part of this millennium to get its affairs in order, but apparently we could actually be joining 21st century footballing as early as 2016. This is especially important because with the scrapping of the wretched BCS after this year, losses won't be as important as strength of schedule when it comes to getting into the playoffs. Plus, if colleges are going to continue to raise prices on their tickets (and let's make no mistake, they're not going to get any lower), I'd be much more willing to pay to watch Ohio State play quality opponents instead of a team the Buckeyes gut by halftime. 

Johnny Football, flossing on his haterz.

JOHNNY FOOTBALL WENT TOO HARD IN THE PAINT. I love Johnny Football. He is without a shadow of a doubt my favorite non-Buckeye college footballer in as long as I can remember. I love Manziel because he annoys the right people and he's a world-class troll. I wouldn't go as far as saying I hope he ties Archie 2Heizman's mark, but if he beats Alabama while also out on bail on a disorderly conduct charge, I won't be that upset.

Manziel was a counselor at the Manning Passing Academy this weekend, but apparently the party got the best of him on Friday night (via Rants and Rumors):

Our boots on the ground in Thibodaux, La. — believe it or not, we have them — informed us that Johnny Manziel was sent home from the Manning Passing Academy on Saturday afternoon by Archie Manning himself. Our source, who wishes to remain anonymous because of his connection to the camp, gave us the scoop after Manziel showed up tardy Saturday afternoon after being out on the town Friday night. The Texas A&M star reportedly enjoyed himself a little too much Friday night and rolled back into the camp at Nicholls State University some time around noon Saturday before getting the boot.

Manziel was supposed to participate in the “Air It Out” competition along with other top collegiate passers Saturday evening. He didn’t. Camp officials told local media that Manziel “is sick” and was no longer at the camp. But our source claims he was kicked out at the behest of Manning paterfamilias Archie.

Of course, Texas A&M's Rivals reporter and Papa Manziel attempted to throw some water on the situation:

Texas A&M QB Johnny Manziel is "resting and recuperating from dehydration," according to his father, Paul Manziel. (Continued..)

— Kate Hairopoulos (@khairopoulos) July 14, 2013

Manziel's father said in a text message that Manziel is resting at home with his family and is not football-ready but is feeling better.

— Kate Hairopoulos (@khairopoulos) July 14, 2013

Ah, yes... the famous "dehydration" excuse, a favorite among celebrities and the naked, publicly masturbating creator of the infamous "Kony 2012" video. I too spent many mornings of my early twenties on a couch drinking Gatorade and eating Pizza Combos while fighting "dehydration."

What did he do next? You're god damn right he partied in College Station the same night he was allegedly sent home from the prestigious Manning Passing Academy for being hungover. Shine on, Johnny Manziel, and continue to drink as much alcohol as you want because eventually you get to an age where it's considered alcoholism and frowned upon by Real Serious Members of Society who want you to hate your life as much as they hate theirs. 

People hate Manziel because he's young, flamboyant, comes from a rich family and has the audacity to realize college football isn't the be-all-end-all of the world. Why not let loose and have fun when he's young? And if you're one of those people who dislikes Manziel, perhaps you are taking life on a pebble traveling through infinite space at 30,000 mph just a tad too seriously. You don't have to travel far to find scumbags worthy of your loathing and derision. Johnny Manziel ain't one of those guys.

Of course, Manziel has an 8:30 AM date with media on Wednesday's SEC Media Day.

THE BUCKEYE IS A POISONOUS, UNCRACKABLE NUT. That was my response during my two years in Montana to anybody asked "What the hell is a Buckeye?" Well, it appears I got half of it right. Here's an article from Greeley, Colorado(!?) on the glorious Buckeye tree and its seed; it's something I admittedly didn't know too much about:

The Buckeye flowers are greenish-yellow and about 1 inch in size; they are borne on 4-7 inches panicles in spring. The fruit, which are the namesake for a popular peanut butter-and-chocolate treat, is a light brown color with prickles. Inside the prickly shell is a chestnut brown-colored seed with a light brown circular eye, which is the namesake for the tree.

To the American Indians, the seeds looked similar to the eyes of a buck, a male deer. Therefore, the tree became known as the buckeye tree. Although the seeds may resemble a delicious sugary treat, do not eat the seeds, as they are poisonous to humans, pets and livestock, but not squirrels.

*shakes fist* Those devious squirrels hold the kryponite to Buckeye poison, eh? *checks 2013 schedule, sees no schools bearing squirrel nicknames, slips on shades* As if I needed another reason to predict Ohio State to finish the season 14-0. 

THOSE WMDs. "Alababma" will beat Texas A&M/Bert is better than John L. Smith, so says this "educated" Tide fan... New Chief Keef - April Fools... It's never been easier to be a war reporter... Amadeo Della Valle has been doing his thing for U20 Italy... The Rice Owl is a dick... A boss Landon Donovan GIF... Frank Sinatra throws down on Mike Royko... Samuel Silverman is dat dude... Most bad-ass farmer of all time?... The "Boston Strangler" case is about to be solved... A 2009 story on North Korea's billion-dollar, government-sponsored crime family... Who Pinched My Bike?...