Being a Browns fan is literal Hell on Earth. It's an affliction I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I can't wait for Jimmy Haslam to be arrested on swindling charges. I hope I'm there for his first night in prison, and I can watch as the bars close on him. Maybe then, and only then, will he have a glimpse at the feelings of Browns fans.
And Joe "trust me" Banner? I've seen grown men dressed as clowns driving windowless vans I trust more than Joe Banner. Michael Lombardi got fired in Oakland — the same franchise that gave 32 guaranteed million dollars to a guy who was addicted to Purple Drank. I'd rather let my grandmother throw darts at Mel Kiper's 2014 Big Board than let Mike "I couldn't draft a cornerback better than Buster Skrine" Lombardi roll into next year's draft with 10 picks.
Yet, when the dust settles, I'll be there at 1 PM Sunday, cheering on #themBrownies because I hate myself and this fraudulent world. (Browns football: not even once, kids. [Oh, BTW: #MoClarettToThemBrowns.])
LEGENDS OF CHRISTMAS PAST. Mike Doss, Shawn Springs, John Hicks and Andy Katzenmoyer have been added to the roster of former Buckeye greats who will be mingling at the Gold Pants Social (of which tickets are going fast.) All money raised is going to directly to purchase the Gold Pants trinkets given to Ohio State footballers upon bulldozing a certain team from a certain school a few miles north of Toledo.
The Social is in the Players' lounge of the Woody Hayes Center with food provided by the Chop House and craft beer from Land-Grant Brewing Company; so, "trust me" and make that move.
BLOCK O ATTEMPTING TO SILENCE THE CRITICS. I've pitched my theories about making Ohio Stadium a better experience: tifos, no music over the speakers and other sorts of hooliganism. Some folks in that discussion criticized Block O, for various reasons. (For what it's worth, I was never terribly impressed with Block O when I was a student, but I'm naturally inclined to be a hater.)
It appears, however, Block O is at least trying to innovate (H/T to @fiddywhitty):
I love the simple O-H-I-O chant at kick-off, and I'm a bit skeptical of adding "Let's Go Bucks!" to the end of it with the hand-motions. Is this the best you've got Ben Adams? I want flares, flags and borderline carnage. Come back when you have something better — something radical.
Nick Saban arriving in Alabama.SABAN-TO-TEXAS: LOL. This will be a thing that will only get worse throughout the season, so please brace yourselves:
AUSTIN, Texas (AP) — A few days after Alabama won the 2013 national championship, a University of Texas regent and a former regent talked with Nick Saban's agent about the possibility of the Crimson Tide coach replacing Longhorns coach Mack Brown, The Associated Press has learned.
Regent Wallace Hall of Dallas told the AP he spoke by telephone with agent Jimmy Sexton a few days after the Jan. 7 game. Tom Hicks, a former regent who is the brother of current Regent Steve Hicks, also was on the call. Tom Hicks, the former owner of the Texas Rangers, the Dallas Stars and the English professional soccer team Liverpool, was a regent in 1997 when Brown came to Texas and was instrumental in hiring him away from North Carolina.
Two days after the call with Sexton, Tom Hicks met with Brown over lunch and told him about the call, according to several people who spoke with the AP. He asked Brown if he was ready to retire.
Talk about awkward. I for one hope Texas showers Nick Saban with golden coins until he has no choice but to take the job in Texas. One, it would weaken the SEC substantially. Two, it would be fun to watch Alabama fans cry as they slip back into mediocrity like a lost jungle explorer slowly being digested by a pit of quicksand. Nick Saban is the only person in the world keeping Alabama relevant on any national stage, and the day he leaves is a day we take a step back towards normalcy. It can't come soon enough.
I was also thinking: is Ohio State the only program whose fans wouldn't trade their coach for Nick Saban? Maybe I'm alone on this, but it's an opinion of which I'm quite staunch.
Cecil Hurt, who is quickly becoming my favorite beat reporter in the country (outside of Kyle "Walt Jr" Rowland, obvii), summed it up thusly:
If you ask a guy about a job and don't have the stroke to create the job opening, there is a phrase for that: Big Hat, No Cattle.
— Cecil Hurt (@CecilHurt) September 19, 2013
In the fourth week of the season, Saban has no other play than denying any interest in the job by claiming he's "too old to start somewhere else," but it must always be taken for a grain of salt because what was it he said again as coach of the Miami Dolphins?
I'm not going to be the Alabama coach.
Oh.
CITIES TO BID ON FUTURE TITLE GAMES. As we are all aware, the abomination that is the BCS is having a stake driven through its heart in January, and next year the playoffs begin. This means cities can bid on title games, as ESPN.com reports what their sources have told them:
At least four cities will bid on the 2016 College Football Playoff championship, while at least six cities will pursue the 2017 title game, bowl sources told ESPN.
Sept. 27 is the deadline to submit requests for proposals to bid on the 2016 and 2017 title games. In November, the 10 Football Bowl Subdivision commissioners and Notre Dame athletic director Jack Swarbrick will vote on and announce those two title game sites.
Sources told ESPN cities that have indicated they will bid on the Jan. 11, 2016, game include Glendale, Ariz.; Jacksonville, Fla.; New Orleans; and Tampa, Fla.
Wow those would be cool locations if they didn't likely come attached with soulless NFL stadiums. (The first playoff title game will be held in Jerry Jones' monstrosity.) Instead of further pimping of college football to Corporate America, it'd be cool if schools could bid. I'd rather watch Ohio State play for a title in Georgia's Sanford Stadium than the Georgia Dome in downtown Atlanta. (Although, anything is better than JACKSONVILLE.)
JACK THE RAGER Jack Nicklaus never struck me as a partier; granted "partying" in his time and partying now are two different propositions, but I got a chuckle when this appeared into my Twitter stream:
"I gained 50 pounds. I tried to drink all the beer in Columbus."--Jack Nicklaus on his freshman year at Ohio State.
— Golf Digest (@GolfDigestMag) September 19, 2013
THOSE WMDs. Last two episodes of Breaking Bad will be 75 minutes with no commercials... I AM NO LONGER A BUCKEYE FAN... Ohio State gets armored vehicle, dodges questions about it... Ohio State receives $18.7 million grant to research tobacco use... Columbus woman sentenced for role in drug-trafficking ring... 80's Playboy Mansion was a dark place... Penn State is pondering borrowing $30 million to get through NCAA sanction years... NFL's secret legal war... Maryland's new helmets are pretty sweet... Donald Trump offering relationship advice to Miley Cyrus... Epilepsy group to hold support rally for Jerry Kill... What the hell, Goose?... MikeBianchiTheCarnieVersionOfGoldbergENGLISHFAIL.tweet... Johnny found a great preview for the App State/Michigan game... World's biggest nerd found... An elphant and a dog? Why not?... Packaged plays: the new form of option football... Social media is fueling gang wars in Chicago... B1G Road trip: Journey through America's heartland... Kevin Gates - Paper Chaser...
