Monday Skull Session

Happy Trails, Bye Week (Remix).

You have been good to Ohio State this year, as the Buckeyes stand one heartbeat away from the national title game. On the bad side, the Buckeyes are one heartbeat away from being casted down into the Capital One Bowl by the the ever-growing chorus of critics and naysayers. 

Just another day on the upper crusts of college football for the Bucks, and what's new about that? *ashes Newport into open sewer drain* "Tonight you eat well, my Michigan friends!!!" *erupts in a Cruella de Vil cackle*

HERBSTREIT FIRES BACK ON HIS HATERZ. Herbstreit's feud with the fanatical wing of Ohio State fans reached new heights yesterday when Herbstreit came out blazing from left field. Hopefully this doesn't end up like Biggie/2pac:

*throws hands up* I'm going to have to develop a #hot #sprot #take on Herbstreit, huh? DAMN I'VE BEEN TRIED TO AVOID THIS MOMENT. My DARE officer would be so disappointed in me (if he wasn't locked up for embezzlement).

MEMO:

No, I don't know why Kirk Herbstreit was arguing with a Strawman outside the Sunoco on a Sunday afternoon. Show me the guy that says "Big Ten is a tough conference," and is also angrily tweeting at Kirk Herbstreit and I'll show you a guy whose opinions don't need to be taken seriously. (Kirk has been in the spotlight to not know this.)

Speaking of not needing to take opinions seriously, why do people get so worked up over Kirk's opinions? To me, he's just some run-of-the-mill, milquetoast bro on TV. His name is Kirk. People tell me he played quarterback for Ohio State when I was three. I believe them. Other than that?  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

MICHIGAN'S PRESIDENT WAS CRUNK AS HELL ON SATURDAY. I thought I wanted to party with Johnny Manziel, but no. I want to party with Michigan President Mary Sue Coleman apparently:

Kids: drinking alcohol during the day is not like riding a bike. 

With Michigan's ineptitude on the field, a Michigan Man being maced in the face at Penn State and Michigan's President doing a half-time speech while crunked out of her mind... this could be more entertaining than any year under Rich Rodriguez. Hard to believe since Dick Rod ended up so broken he cried during a Josh Groban song, but here we are.

Brady Hoke? Is Brady Hoke here? There he is! In the back! TAKE A BOW, YA BIG GALOOT. Michigan is back, baby! 

PINKY RING WORTH ABOUT 50 (BLING BLING)

OWN A PIECE OF OSU HISTORY. Have you ever wanted to own a key piece of the scandal that brought down legendary Ohio State coach (and famous MC of the classic rap mixtape "Quiet Time") Jim Tressel? Thanks to a Deadspin tipster, you now have your chance. From the EBAY listing:

This may be the single most famous piece of Ohio State memorabilia available! This ring was the start of the Tattoo Scandal involving former Ohio State players Terrelle Pryor, Boom Herron, Devier Posey, Mike Adams, Solomon Thomas, former coach Jim Tressel, and tattoo shop owner Ed Rife. This ring was originally owned by Terrelle Pryor, former quarterback for THE Ohio State Buckeyes and current starting quarterback for the Oakland Raiders. It was given to Edward Rife in exchange for tattoos, although Rife contends that he purchased the ring from Pryor.

This exact ring sold on eBay back in early June for $18,100 (see picture). I purchased this ring directly from Edward Rife, the owner of Fine Line Ink Tattoos, who was the primary individual involved in the Ohio State Tattoo Scandal controversy. According to Rife, this ring was the first item that he ever received from Terrelle Pryor... And the rest is history! I purchased several other items from Mr. Rife including signed pants, footballs, gloves, helmets, etc.

The current bid (as of this writing) is $16,449 and the auction is taking place until December 6th, 2013; in case, you know, you need to call in a few markers to conjure ~$17,000 dollars to buy championship ring that belonged to somebody else.

Why would you want to own Terrelle Pryor's Big Ten Championship ring? I don't know; I don't own any jewelry, only in part because I have never owned $17,000.

Either way, THANKS FOR USHERING IN THE URBAN MEYER ERA, ED RIFE. *throws some Twinkie money on his books* (You're almost home, little guy.)

(And since we're *somewhat* on topic, don't look now but Terrelle Pryor has blossomed into a mature leader of a not-terrible Raiders team.)

LE TOUCHÉ DE DURON CARTER. You know when you hear about some random guy from high school and you're like "holy hell I completely forgot that guy was out in the world living and making decisions and buying blenders or whatever"? That's how I was with Duron Carter. Completely forgot he's still alive and doing things:

Just two Ohio State products out here tossing the pigskin and trying to win Coupe Greys. WOODY HAYES' 1,000 YEAR VISION FOR THE PROGRAM, FOLKS.

(You can view the touché de Duron Carter HERE because the CFL is Draconian with their media embedding policy.) Also, I am only calling touchdowns "touchés" for forever.

BECAUSE IT'S NOVEMBER AND MICHIGAN IS STILL TRASH. Remember how Ohio State football has Sammy Silverman's beastly talents? Michigan threw down the gauntlet on him during Saturday's come-from-behind loss to Nebraska:

The problem is, I don't think Michigan realized how awesome this infographic was when they attached it to this tweet. This could be Al Borges' Sistine Chapel.

BTW: What takes longer: Michigan to move three yards or Brady Hoke to run a 40?

The answer (as it is to every Michigan trivia question): Bo Schembechler's corpse.

Oh, and Michigan... since you're here: SOON.

THOSE WMDs. *CAMPUS RENTERS NOD WISTFULLY* Area Slumlords Play the System, Avoid Penalties... 11/11 is the Chinese Black Friday; Chinese go on buying binge... One in ten women is more in love with their pet than their partner... Oops, you just hired the wrong hitman... In Haiti, a hunt for a zombie... Patrol dogs help curb drug smuggling in Ohio... A good (nsfw) rap battle... Potential Employer Loved Your GPA Until They Saw Your Tweets... Leandro Bacuna rescued Aston Villa from the depths on Saturday... How Twitter Hi-jacked My Mind... FSU WOULD DONATE OHIO STATE... Is it time for Old World soccer leagues to respect MLS?...