Folks, I am afraid I bring dark tidings from the south. Before we begin, however, I would like the record to show: I have never trusted a dolphin, and now my bigotry has been vindicated.
Flipper, the infamous saboteur of 1961's Bay of Pigs Invasion, was convicted in international court and sentenced to do four hundred years (over four centuries in dolphin years) of hard labor at SeaWorld. Amnesty International and other bleeding hearts have been calling for the diabolical dolphin's release for the last three decades, but I say keep that bastard shackled for triple his original bid.
Every year, Flipper's captors make him pick a victor in the Orange Bowl, and apparently the freedom-hater is undefeated. Yesterday was the day of reckoning, and the convicted felon prophesied a Clemson Tigers victory.
I am as disgusted as you are, and I doubt I'm the only one who will be heading to Kroger and buying all the dolphin-laced tuna their budget allows. (I don't even like seafood, so to truly show my spite I'm just going to toss it all in a dumpster.)
HAPPY TRAILS TO EVERETT WITHERS (REPORTEDLY). Ohio State's co-defensive coordinator/safeties coach and the man who drew rave reviews for his harvesting of five-star gem Vonn Bell out of Tenneseee — Everett Withers — has reportedly been hired to fill the James Madison vacancy.
Everett is making $585,000/yr at Ohio State, but the JMU job reportedly won't pay more than $350,000/yr. That's quite the cut of pay, but perhaps Withers, who is no spring chicken, just finally wants to take the plunge into head coaching.
But a congratulations are in order for Withers, who must have impressed someone to beat out two JMU alumnis in the field of the final three.
And to Luke Fickell: THE SPOTLIGHT'S ALL YOURS NOW, BUD.
OLD FRIEND LANDS IN BLOOMINGTON. Most people remember Marcus Baugh getting popped for underage drinking at Charlie Bear. (BTW, the city wants the state to pull Charlie Bear's liquor license.) Most don't remember there was a second casualty that night: freshman offensive lineman Tim Gardner, who was cited for obstruction of police business and subsequently suspended from the team/sent home.
The former three-star recruit from Indianapolis played at a prep school this fall and is back in the FBS mix. The big fellah has landed in Bloomington and will take part in the Hoosiers' spring practice. Props to him for getting everything turned around and on the right track.
Scumbag Jared Abbrederis in action. WALK-ON WISCONSIN. Do you miss the days when Ohio State used to steal two and three-star kids and develop them into gritty fifth year seniors? Neither do I, but that's still a way of life for some in the Big Ten.
Take Wisconsin, for example. This #longread appeared on Bucky's 5th Quarter yesterday, and it starts rather ominously:
On Sept. 28, the Wisconsin Badgers arrived at Ohio Stadium to engage the Ohio State Buckeyes in an early battle for positioning in the Big Ten Leaders Division. One of the key matchups that Saturday evening featured Ohio State cornerback Bradley Roby covering Wisconsin wide receiver Jared Abbrederis.
Roby, a junior, was named a first-team All-American by ESPN and second-team by the Associated Press in 2012. The Buckeyes' talent-laden defense was widely expected to stymie a Badgers passing game missing injured senior tight end Jacob Pedersen, leaving Abbrederis as the only consistent receiving threat available for sophomore quarterback Joel Stave.
That script was quickly flipped, however, once Wisconsin's passing attack flourished and kept the game tight. Abbrederis torched Roby and the Buckeyes' secondary with a career-high 207 receiving yards on 10 catches, plus a touchdown. Stave threw for almost 300 yards and brought the Badgers back within one score in the final quarter.
Ah yes, I had almost forgotten when Scumbag Abbrederis turned into the White Randy Moss and almost single-handily torched the Buckeyes to the ground.
Painful memories aside, I swear it's a good read if you're into program building and player development and all that. But again, would I trade stories like Jared Abbrederis for the likes of Raekwon McMillan and Johnnie Dixon? No, no I would not.
BECAUSE IT'S FRIDAY. Let's watch HATIN' ASS SPURRIER work on his thrust game.
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