The Big Ten coaches awoke early Christmas morning, eager to unwrap the gifts under their Christmas tree. Here's what they found under the wrapping paper.
Urban Meyer (Ohio State): Coach of the Year Award
Urban Meyer replaced 16 starters – 12 of whom were drafted in the first four rounds of the NFL Draft. It was arguably his best coaching job ever, yet he again failed to win the Big Ten Coach of the Year Award. No matter; Meyer unwrapped a handmade plaque reading "You're Our Coach of the Year" from his loving family. He smiled lovingly and put on Sister Hazel's "Merry Christmas Baby" for everyone's listening pleasure.
Jim Harbaugh (Michigan): Khakis
Sarah Harbaugh has tried to get Jim traditional Christmas gifts in the past, to no avail. She knows better now and sticks to something she knows he'll use. She even got him to leave the film room long enough to open them. Upon trying them on, Jim nodded in approval and grabbed a couple cookies before realizing Santa drank all the milk. Unfazed, he poured some Gatorade in a glass, dipped a cookie in it and returned to watching film.
James Franklin (Penn State): A Nice Jacket
James Franklin won the toughest division and conference in college football yet still found himself on the outside looking in at the College Football Playoff. He may have been left out in the cold, but Santa made sure he at least looks good out there.
Mark Dantonio (Michigan State): The Movie 300
Dino's had a rough year, underachieving despite pretty low expectations in the first place. To lift his spirits, Santa gave him the movie 300 – a dramatic depiction of the bloody deaths a group of Spartans suffered while somehow being depicted as heroic superhumans. Even failure is movie worthy if you shift your perspective!
Mike Riley (Nebraska): Macaroni Art
Something about noted nice guy Mike Riley taking the helm at Nebraska after Bo Pelini's tyrannical reign seems to have triggered an unforeseen response among the Cornhusker players – they can't stop viewing him as a lovable grandpa. When Riley woke up on Christmas morning, he found dozens of macaroni art pieces under his tree from his beloved players.
Kirk Ferentz (Iowa): Another Contract Extension
For some reason.
Paul Chryst (Wisconsin): Adrenaline Shot
After years of complaining about their father's dullness, the Chryst children finally did something about it. They gave Paul a pack of adrenaline shots for Christmas, to be used whenever he feels a personality would be an appropriate thing to have.
Tracy Claeys (Minnesota): Samsung Galaxy Note 7
What better device to manage the dumpsterfire currently taking place within that program and the uncertainty surrounding his job than a phone that literally explodes! Don't worry, Tracy, Santa's got your back.
Pat Fitzgerald (Northwestern): No FCS Opponents
Sadly, even Santa couldn't clone Austin Carr. The Big Ten Conference actually came through with Pat Fitzgerald's Christmas present, banning the scheduling of FCS opponents by member schools. Never again will the Wildcats lose at home to Illinois State. It's a Christmas miracle!
Kevin Wilson (Indiana): MyPerfectResume.com Premium Subscription
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D.J. Durkin (Maryland): Maryland Basketball Tickets
Thanks to Santa, D.J. Durkin can now attend the hottest sporting events on campus: Maryland's unranked men's basketball team's games! After embarrassing student turnout to football games, Durkin is excited to see what promises to be at least hundreds of students watching the Terrapins play on the hardwood.
Lovie Smith (Illinois): A New TV
Illinois is not going bowling this year, which means Lovie Smith has plenty of time to watch his first love and his true love – NFL football. Santa knows his heart and delivered a beautiful LED TV.
Chris Ash (Rutgers): Ohio State Hoodie
Nobody had it worse than Chris Ash. His Scarlet Knights lost every single Big Ten game this season with most losses coming in fairly epic fashion. Without much hope on the horizon, Ash just needed a reminder of a simpler time, and Santa delivered. Obviously, he can't wear it in public, but it's a snuggly, comforting reminder of how great things were.
Darrell Hazell (Purdue): A Hug
After three and a half long seasons at Purdue, Darrell Hazell needed nothing besides a warm embrace. And when he awoke on Christmas morning, Santa was waiting with arms wide open and an assurance that wherever he ends up in the next few years, it won't be Purdue.
