I guess I'm supposed to be shocked.
"Oh wow, Indiana, which hadn't beaten Michigan since the 80's, has now in fact done that specific thing! How did this ragtag band of Hoosier misfits pulled off the win against the mighty Wolverines? Reveal your secrets, you wee underdogs!"
Here's how: the Indiana Hoosiers are much, much better than the Michigan Wolverines. They're better coached, more rounded offensively, have a more talented quarterback, and don't suck in ways that Michigan very much does. I didn't watch the game live because I had better things to do, but when I got around to it on Sunday I was struck by how much the Hoosiers' 38-21 win looked like Ohio State beating up on Rutgers at home.
Sure, the other team scored some points, but the talent gap was so glaringly obvious that the outcome never felt remotely in doubt. The home team went up big in the first half, and then coasted to victory in the second because they knew they could.
THREAT LEVEL
This isn't going to get better for Michigan, and the writing is now on the wall for Jim Harbaugh. His weak-ass platitudes of "push[ing] forward, keep going" makes sense if you're walking knee-deep in a vat of delicious banana pudding, but if, for instance, you just averaged 0.7 yards of rushing on 18 carries, I don't know that that's the kind of Knute Rockne shit that'll get it done.
My son just said Im gonna stop watching Michigan football #Goblue
— Charles Woodson (@CharlesWoodson) November 7, 2020
You have a smart kid, Charles! There's no reason to watch any of this other than morbid fascination, like some kind of "Faces of Death" VHS tape you ordered with mom's credit card in 1992. And like that tape, gathering dust in the basement and making an impression on nobody since the 90's, Michigan football is quickly becoming an antiquated relic.
The Indiana game itself was just kind of whatever. Joe Milton threw for a ton of yards, 149 of 344 going to Ronnie Bell, but the defining moment of the game was a hilarious overthrow on a busted coverage in the third quarter that would've resulted in six easy points and potentially a shift in the tenor of the game. Instead it amounted to nothing and the Wolverines spent the rest of the time just Huckin' It in a vain attempt to do it right.
The Michigan defense had no sacks (for the second week in a row) and no answer for an opposing quarterback. Indiana's Michael Penix, Jr. is a very good passer, but the Wolverines defensively were a wet fart in a paper bag and it probably didn't really matter who the opposing signal-caller was.
It's hard to come up with new ways to say "MICHIGAN BAD" every week in part because when they're bad under Harbaugh they're bad in the exact same way. Listless, boring, directionless, and without any real identity, they amble on to the field, and lethargically get their asses kicked in every phase of the game. That continued on Saturday against the Hoosiers, and the only thing surprising about any of it was my realization that this Michigan team could very well lose every single one of their games for the rest of the season.
Which is something I'm honestly rooting for, because it'd be way, way more funny and interesting than them limping to a 4-4 or 3-5 record.
The Threat Level is LOW.
