We have reached the end.
Of... something. Last season I said that Threat Level was banished the the land of wind and ghosts, never to return to haunt our shores. But it came back! Because this ersatz college football season ended up happening, kind of, and once again I begrudgingly unsheathed my Hanzo blade to deliver pithy asides and bad puns about Michigan football on a weekly basis.
I looked forward to The Game last week, as I always do, because at least it could represent some kind of finality; either Michigan lost by a lot but not too much and Harbaugh got an ill-advised extension on one of the most bloatedly ridiculous contracts in college football, or Michigan lost by too much and Harbaugh quit and became the interim head coach for the Lions or something. But regardless, The Game would put a capper on weeks of silly crud, with the added bonus of it being Ohio State that got to beat the holy hell out of the Wolverines.
And then everyone in Ann Arbor tested positive for COVID, and we were denied even that (and no, I'm not buying into the idea that Michigan ducked Ohio State; there'd have been a mutiny in the locker room and believing this means you agree with Clay Travis about something, so just take that into consideration).
Anyway The Game didn't happen. So there's that.
THREAT LEVEL
"Is Jim Harbaugh a good coach? He's a heck of a coach."
Urban Meyer said those words, recently. I don't know if he believes those words, but he did in fact say them on national television so let's pretend that he does.
The fact that Urban is hilariously, insanely wrong about this isn't what's interesting to me. It's the idea that if Urban Meyer (who if he was a wizard would make two spaghetti dinners fight to the death to determine which one was worthy of being eaten by him) thinks this, then assuredly many, many other Important Football Dudes do as well.
Said Important Football Dudes seem to be taking their sweet time deciding Harbaugh's fate. Michigan evidently will play their scheduled game against Iowa this weekend, so maybe they're just waiting for a two touchdown loss to the Hawkeyes to make a milquetoast judgement on something incredibly, blindingly obvious to everyone with eyes and/or ears. But Harbaugh isn't going quietly, and at his weekly press conference he bellowed:
"Iowa is the enemy! Wade into them. Spill their blood. Shoot them in the belly! When you put your hand into a bunch of goo that a moment before was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do!"
Oh wait, I'm sorry, that was a Dave Portnoy fever dream. Here's what he actually said:
"So, yeah, that question does come up," Harbaugh said. "I tell them, my plan is committed to Michigan. I have been and will remain as far as the — we’ll sit down. [Athletic Director] Warde [Manuel] and I will talk at the end of the season on the current contract."
Damn, Jim! Save a little for the game this weekend! But hey, on the other hand, why should a heck of a good coach like Jim Harbaugh have to worry about his future employment? He's great at everything, except for just a few small things like player management, identifying talent, recruiting prowess, skill development, game planning, strategy and tactics, and I guess just coaching in general.
He'll probably get an extension.
The Threat Level is this stock image of spoiled milk.
