You're going to hate this.
Michigan football in 2021, unlike past seasons, has actually been engaging and interesting to watch and therefore write about. Over the years that I've spent watching the Wolverines muddle through sub-par seasons, the most frustrating thing about the whole endeavor is that each of their teams have been mediocre in the exact same way: a roster with a decent amount of talent flailing on the field as a coaching staff used a combination of astrology and dowsing rods to try and figure out how to use it.
Through three games, most recently against one of the worst defenses in the country, Michigan now looks like a totally different team than the funeral dirge trotted out in Ann Arbor for the past several seasons.
What's different, maybe? Well, a couple of important things.
But seriously, you're going to hate this.
THE OFFENSE
Michigan's 63-10 win over Northern Illinois was even more of a stomping than the score indicated. I did the math, and it turns out that 63 divided by seven is nine, which according to my calculations is how many rushing touchdowns the Wolverines had on Saturday. Blake Corum, 13 carries, 125 yards, 9.6 YPC. Hassan Haskins, nine carries, 56 yards, 6.2 YPC. Donovan Edwards, eight carries, 86 yards, 10.8 YPC. Everyone combined, including the other eight (!) players who ended up with at least one carry: 48 carries, 373 yards rushing, 7.8 YPC.
Cade McNamara only attempted 11 passes, but eight of them connected for 191 yards, including one gigantic 87-yard touchdown bomb to Cornelius Johnson, which briefly shut up even the most ardent of J.J. McCarthy stans.
I don't care about most of that, beyond the fact that Michigan, a team with superior talent, did what teams with superior talent are supposed to do to. What I do care about is the sidenote that Michigan hasn't turned the ball over once in three games, for reasons that I think you will hate.
THE DEFENSE
Great, again. PFF has Aidan Hutchinson as their highest-graded defensive end in college football, and that's probably not too much of a stretch. Josh Ross continues to be productive, but ultimately neither of those guys were needed all that much after halftime. The Wolverines played approximately half of the state of Michigan from the third quarter on, and the backups produced similar results.
The secondary is interesting to me. Right now they're 30th in the country in terms of yards allowed per game (Ohio State, for what it's worth, it 117th). In a just world the Big Ten should offer more of a challenge for the Wolverines, but the truth is that literally Adrian Martinez is their biggest challenge until mid-November. If this is their Achilles' heel, then they have plenty of time to dip the rest of that foot into the Styx.
TWISTER (1996)
Twister looks pretty incredible, I'll give it that. For a movie released in the mid-90's, the special effects hold up well, and director Jan de Bont does everything in his power to give a bunch of impressionable preteens a massive phobia of thunderstorms as the raw power of CGI nature is front and center. The biggest problem that this movie has is that everyone in it is an exhausting dick. The main characters are dicks, their comedy relief storm team bros are dicks, Aunt Meg is a dick. It's hard to carry any kind of real suspense when you're not really invested in whether or not Bill Paxton's belt will prevent him and Helen Hunt from being vacuumed into an F5 Dyson.
On the other hand, Eddie Van Halen made this song for the movie and it is fantastically, hilariously overwrought for a film where someone earnestly says "'The Suck Zone.' It's the point basically when the twister... sucks you up."
10/10 perfect way to scar your kids for life.
THREAT LEVEL
Okay, here's what's going on with Michigan right now. A serviceable quarterback who limits mistakes but can throw the occasional bomb; an extremely hot running game that is benefiting from a solid offensive line; a couple of home run hitting playmakers; an excellent defensive line and solid linebackers; and above all, a team that has an identity that doesn't change every other series.
This what you're going to hate: right now, 2021 Michigan reminds me a lot of Jim Tressel's best teams. The Wolverines aren't doing anything cutting edge, but this is at the very least a successful run first squad with a solid defense and they are executing at a high level. They make few mistakes, are nasty in the trenches, and kind of hope they don't have to throw the ball too much.
Yes, the usual caveats apply. It's September, the competition has been bad, Harbaugh's still a goofy weirdo, etc. Those are all valid points and I agree. But if Michigan can look this good against Rutgers next week, I'll write an even more jittery post about their Wisconsin tilt.
It's technically still summer, so the Threat Level is GUARDED. For now.
