Michigan has played bad teams. Bad teams with bad offenses and defenses that can't run, pass, or defend either, and generally find themselves in the ass end of whatever rankings you prefer.
There are two ways that you can use that knowledge. You can A), decide that everything that the Wolverines do on a given Saturday is utterly moot before they even take the field, resting assured in the idea that they're Secretly Bad despite every indicator that says otherwise, or B), actually watch them play football. I hit a gnarled leprechaun with my Honda Civic several years ago while shopping for distressed jeans, was thus cursed by that twisted creature into writing these articles, which has necessitated me picking option B week after week after week.
For those of you that pick option A, I get it. You're a busy person who doesn't have time to care about what Michigan does to the basement of the Big Ten. I'm just here to tell you that sometimes beating Indiana 52-7 actually does matter, because it's not that Michigan did it, it's how they did it.
THE OFFENSE
I actually don't really want to focus on the offense this week, in part because they played pretty much the same kind of game they have all season ("fine" running game, J.J. McCarthy completing 3rd and longs over and over and getting sacked a weird amount of times, long, soul-crushing drives that eat up seven minutes of clock, etc.).
I will pause to comment on what is probably the funniest thing to happen to the Michigan offense so far this season: Donovan Edwards (9 carries for 20 yards) trying to call his shot at the goal line, which ended in Michigan calling a timeout to get him off the field at a point when the game was still semi-competitive.
Yeah Id enter the portal as fast as possible after this let him get 1 man pic.twitter.com/knksv0EHno
— LC (@laurencowling) October 14, 2023
Edwards not being in the game is increasingly the correct call for the Wolverines in basically every situation.
THE DEFENSE
Look, I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I understand defensive schemes any better than I understand how football offenses work. I watch football with approximately the same level of understanding that I do when I watch Antiques Roadshow; big number good, small number bad. I might have some dim comprehension of the minutiae of how those numbers change based on my knowledge of 19th century quilt making traditions and/or reading the occasional X's and O's article, but you don't need a degree in Advanced Footballonics to understand what's going on here:
- Five plays, 20 yards, punt
- Three plays, -6 yards, punt
- One play, -1 yard, halftime
- Three plays, -13 yards, punt
- Three plays, -10 yards, fumble
- 11 plays, 26 yards, downs
- One play, -5 yards, interception
After Indiana briefly took the lead in the first quarter, this was what every one of their subsequent drives looked like (save for the last one, which I excluded because who cares and also they didn't get any points anyway).
Michigan defensive coordinator Jesse Minter is adept at applying pressure from different spots of the field at opportune times. It's significant that while the Wolverines don't get a ton of sacks or tackles for loss, they have been ridiculously good at locking down opponents in the red zone: in the nine (!) times teams have had a chance to score against Michigan there, they've come away with points just thrice. Two of those were field goals, and the lone touchdown allowed was the Hoosiers being touched on the forehead by the finger of God.
MATT WEISS DRAMATIC REENACTMENT OF THE WEEK
THREAT LEVEL
It's still SEVERE! If Ohio State comes out and crushes Penn State, and if Michigan simultaneously comes out and looks booty in a rivalry game against Sparty, I might lower it, but my personal opinion is that the universe isn't cool enough for that to happen. See you next week.
