Well, it was fun. After two weeks of memes and jokes and pretending that either the NCAA or the Big Ten had the desire or ability to enforce any of their own rules, we've reached the "let's draw this thing out for as long as humanly possible and hope people get bored enough to not care that we ultimately do nothing" part of the Michigan football sign stealing scandal (which is a mouthful but better than adding the -gate suffix to it).
The main indicator that this story is losing momentum is that instead of making fun of a guy humming the James Bond theme to himself while wearing a visitor's pass at a MAC night game, now we have to read boring media releases from the parties involved. "I didn't do anything and nobody knew anything about what I was doing even if I did!" and "There's no way that an investigation with video evidence of rules being broken should wrap up within 5-10...wee-no, months" are the boring and predictable responses from an institution looking back over its shoulder while running away from a tire fire it accidentally started by setting tires on fire.
While it appears that the Big Ten coaches and Athletic Directors are still good and pissed off, it's pretty clear that Michigan is going to pull out all the stops to delay any action from the conference, despite the Wednesday deadline. That there's a seemingly inevitable outcome of a two game suspension for Harbaugh and the loss of like one scholarship for the Wolverines also puts a damper on things, which is why it is more important than ever that someone needs to either leak Connor Stalions' manifesto or beat the Wolverines.
Or I'm wrong and something interesting happens this week, which, according to certain Michigan beat writers who recently purchased Millerite apocalypse cabinets, should be biting Ryan Day and Ohio State in the ass any day now.
On Monday, the NCAA notified the Big Ten that there are no known connections between Ohio State coach Ryan Day or his family and the organizations investigation into Michigan, senior officials at both the NCAA and Big Ten tell @YahooSports.https://t.co/maPWZ5QiPh
— Ross Dellenger (@RossDellenger) November 6, 2023
But someone should still beat Michigan.
THE GAME
Purdue did not beat Michigan. They covered, but given the Boilermakers' propensity to kick the Buckeyes straight in the groin at the most embarrassing time, this feels like a gigantic whiff on their part. Also: this game followed the exact same pattern of most Michigan efforts this season. A suffocating defense sits on the chest of the sickly, nearsighted 3rd grader equivalent of a college football team while Blake Corum and Donovan Edwards fall flat on their faces for two downs and J.J. McCarthy bails everybody out on 3rd and 9.
McCarthy was mostly very good (24/37, 335 yards), but hey, when am I allowed to stop giving lip service to Corum being this super awesome running back that everyone should be afraid of despite completely mediocre production almost all season? I've been reflexively transferring all of this snark and bile towards the (genuinely bad) Donovan Edwards because I've been afraid to call Corum "kinda meh", but I'm putting my foot down: since starting Big Ten play he's rushing for about 4.5 yards per carry, and has looked progressively worse the last four games. Against Purdue he had 15 carries for just 44 yards, and if your response is to point out that, well, teams are stacking the box against Michigan so of course his numbers are worse, then I'd say that's an excellent point that highlights two things:
First, Blake Corum isn't the best running back in the Big Ten right now. There's a decent argument to be made that he's not even in the top three. Michigan is going to keep giving him tons of carries, which is fine as long as McCarthy can cook on 3rd and long, but what's truly baffling is that they keep giving Edwards so many carries. To me this suggests an offense that's really just going through the motions right now, without much of a philosophy to draw from.
My second point is that Michigan's offensive line is much worse than last year. Teams brought up safeties and used bear fronts against the Wolverines in 2022, but it didn't matter because they were playing a bunch of guys related to that giant red monster from Looney Tunes.
All of this is to say that beating Purdue 41-13 is still pretty good, if you wanted to see if the ol' "J.J. McCarthy scramble to find a wide open dude down field" play is still working for Michigan. It was! Yes, McCarthy had a brief stretch where it literally looked like he forgot how to throw a football, and was an ugly ass-kicking. But an ass-kicking nonetheless.
CONNOR STALIONS DRAMATIC REENACTMENT OF THE WEEK
THREAT LEVEL
I think either Penn State is going to beat Michigan next Saturday or J.J. McCarthy is going to end up as the front runner of the Heisman race, because the Nittany Lions are giving up a whopping 42 yards per game on the ground in conference play.
Another thing to watch is how many times McCarthy gets hit; the Wolverines haven't given up a ton of sacks overall, but Purdue had three and Penn State is second in the country in getting to the quarterback.
Drew Allar had a great game against Maryland, but Maryland is Maryland and not Michigan; this will be the best defense he's played since Ohio State and that didn't work out too well for him. And of course, James Franklin will assuredly be picking up any slack by putting together a fantastic game plan and not making any stupid late-game decisions.
This is going to be a tight game, and I think the first team to 24 wins it. If the Nittany Lions can shut down the Wolverine rushing attack and make McCarthy uncomfortable, they've got a great shot at pulling off the upset.
That's the best case scenario. Worst case, Tony Petitti blinks, Franklin becomes the second Penn State coach to crap his pants on national television, and the Threat Level remains SEVERE.
