Every year, around this upcoming last Monday in May, I get a little irritated.  But, it’s not necessarily something bad that is irritating me.  In fact, it is something that is borne of the best intentions. It is something that is certainly intended to be both respectful and thankful. I am speaking of the newfound “need” to thank veterans for their service, and wish us a Happy Memorial Day.

Memorial Day was first observed in 1866, following the end of the Civil War.  So, it has existed effectively as long as all Americans have been free.  It was created to honor the dead; created to observe the ultimate sacrifice made by both the Union and Confederate soldiers.  There were several cities in fact, which claimed to be the birthplace of Memorial Day.  It was declared a national holiday, through an act of Congress, in 1971. 

In the years following the end of the war in Vietnam, more Americans became aware of the awful treatment of the men and women who answered our nation’s call to arms. I believe that this has led to a groundswell of support for our men and women in uniform today.  And, for this, I can speak for each and every veteran when I say “thank you”.

I served this great county with honor and pride for 11 years, 8 months, and 14 days.  And, in case you want to know how I have it down to the day, they tell you when you go your separate ways.  I have been places I’d rather never go again, and I did things that were both great fun and, well, the exact opposite of that, in varying degrees.  I primarily served my country in the Cold War era, but when I was called, I answered.  However, this isn’t about me.  I simply included this to hope to earn the credibility to say what I’m about to say – please do not wish us a Happy Memorial Day. 

The holiday exists to honor those who paid the ultimate sacrifice.  If you can wish someone a Happy Memorial Day, the holiday is not for them.  In fact, being thanked for your service can be hurtful to some. And, here is why it hurts, just about every single one of us have a friend, relative, or coworker for whom this holiday exists, and many veterans carry a deep survivor guilt that is very, very real. This is not to say that we don’t appreciate your recognition.  Simply put, the first thought that we have is one  of the dead. One where the face of that man or woman who made the ultimate sacrifice comes into the view of our mind’s eye.  We think of them, likely going to a place we’d rather not visit, and we say “thank you.”  We appreciate the sentiment, we just want you to know who deserves it.  We are more than happy to wait for Veteran’s Day, which will arrive on November 11, come rain or shine. 

I have seen the scars of war both within my family, and in my community.  I still live and work in the company of those who serve, and I’ve been to more memorial services than I care to attend.  I am writing this to try to share some perspective, and knowledge.  Mostly, I am doing this because I think if we have one holiday in this country that everyone clearly understands, it is Memorial Day.

So, as we all go about our fun, long weekend, remember those with heavy hearts.  While we are enjoying our BBQ, beer, boating, soccer tournaments, baseball, and sunshine, remember our sons and daughters, brothers and sisters, moms and dads, aunts and uncles, and friends who will not be with their families and friends this weekend, or any other. They’ve breathed their last breath, and spoken their last word, but they live forever through us.  And, it is to them that we owe thanks; it is to them that we owe honor; it is to them that we owe respect. 

This weekend, my heart will be heavy when I remember my mother’s cousin, PFC William R. Dumas, USMC, KIA Vietnam, and one of my commanding officers, COL John M. McHugh, USA, KIA Afghanistan.  I never met my mother’s cousin, but I’ve seen the impact his death had on her, and our family.  Colonel McHugh on the other hand, I knew a little better.  His children are growing older now, and graduating from college, and going to high school.  But, they’re doing so with only a headstone to hug this Memorial Day.  It is their sacrifice that makes me feel compelled to share this; to illustrate the purpose and beauty of a day in which we honor not those who serve, but those whose service is eternal.

God bless America, land that I love.

2018 Edit: Here is a very well written piece on the perspective of Memorial Day.