When I first saw the Craigslist ad entitled, "Help me post on a message board for a week (Go Bucks!)," the image that appeared in my mind was that of an adorable old man frustrated with his inability to share his blistering hot takes on gold investment because his idiot grandkids — who wouldn't have lasted but a New York minute in the wilds of Korea — weren't answering their "cellphones."
Instead, after clicking the link, I found the idiot, but it was an Ohio State fan — armed with a staggering warchest of at least $30 — willing to pay Ohio State fans "for a week of side work" of trolling people whose only offense is cheering for a team that's also trying to win a national title.
Who wants to start shit on some Oregon message boards for the week?
Seriously, I will pay for people to troll Oregon fans on Reddit.
Maybe something like $20 to the top poster? $10 to the next in line? Or hell if you want to join in for shits and giggles by all means!
Fuck the Ducks and make a little money while we're at it!!
I'm not going to sit here and spin my silk handkerchief above my head like a helicopter and pretend I'm above griefing strangers on the internet. But trolling is like comedy: It's only funny if it's going up the power ladder; otherwise it's unfunny at best and bullying at worst.
How would one even go about trolling Oregon fans besides the obvious, low-hanging fruit of no championships, manufactured prestige, and mentioning that their program is subsidized by a sugar daddy who ginned his fortune on the back of sweatshop labor? That's just shit; there are no giggles.
To me, it's as Muhammad Ali once famously #hot #take'd: "I ain't got no quarrel with no Duck fan." Oregon's greatest offense is that fleeting minute in the lead-up to the 2010 Rose Bowl where there was a mote of doubt about the #Tresselization that was on deck.
I'm not sure what would cause an Ohio State fan to take to Craigslist to raise an army like he's a teenage Mark Anthony, but I do know the Troll's Hypocritical Oath requires originality that the OP does not have.
Ohio State fans, simply put: We're better than this. Even the trolls among us must aim higher this week.
H/T: @tjessberger
