It’s quite possible that Raekwon McMillan is actually a bear.
I’m not aware of any specific rules against using bears, however, Urban Meyer should probably tread lightly when it comes to recruiting bears, lest the rest of college football’s coaches get together and decide there should be a rule against it.
But is Kwon a bear?
Let’s take a look, using characteristics taken from the world’s utmost authority on bears (and humans, and everything else). I’m speaking, of course, about Wikipedia, because everyone knows Wikipedia is where you go for COLD HARD FACTS.
Bears have large bodies
Adult male bears in the eastern United States typically range from 104–551 pounds. Ohio State’s website roster lists Raekwon at 6-foot-2 and 240 pounds. To me, this is a textbook example of a large body. The Hinesville, GA, native also can stand upright or move on all fours. So far, we cannot rule out the possibility of Raekwon being a bear. As a side note, bears are more often found in northern Georgia, but can also be found in areas near Hinesville.
Bears are diurnal
While many people, particularly hikers and campers, tend to think of bears as nocturnal, they are actually diurnal. For the most part, bears are active during the day and can also be active at night. We’ve seen McMillan be very active during the day, such as his interception return for a touchdown against Maryland. His activity has also been spotted during several night games. Again, we can’t say for certain that Raekwon isn’t a bear.
Most bears are omnivorous with varied diets
Word out of the WHAC is that training table contains a variety of healthy meats, vegetables and fruits and that McMillan partakes of multiple food groups as part of his training regimen. On eating habits alone, we cannot rule out his bearhood.
Bear behavior
Wikipedia, expert that it is, tells us that bears can be aggressive and territorial. Does this not sound like Raekwon? He fiercely defends his territory on the field and if you ask opposing quarterbacks if he’s aggressive, well, I think you’ll get an affirmative answer. It’s beginning to look overwhelmingly like McMillan is a bear.
Five nonretractile claws
Whether you call them claws or nails, I’m pretty sure Raekwon cannot retract them. Bears have five and Raekwon has five. Coincidence?
Short tails
Well, here we find our first seed of doubt. With Ohio State’s uniform, there is no way to tell if there’s a tail hidden in there somewhere. We can’t prove the existence of a tail, but that’s not proof that McMillan is not a bear.
Mammal with plantigrade paws, stocky legs, long snouts, large canine teeth and shaggy hair.
Raekwon appears to be a mammal. But what about the rest of this? His legs aren’t too stocky, but that could just be an aberration. There are a wide range of leg lengths and types among bears. Plantigrade locomotion means walking with feet and toes flat on the ground. His feet may be covered in Nikes, but I’m pretty sure Raekwon’s walking on his feet and toes flatly, with no raised digits, and he’s not walking on the sides of his feet.
He doesn’t have a long snout, shaggy hair or large canine teeth, however. This raises sufficient doubt as to completely tip the scales. Despite all of his other bear-like attributes, this is the section that proves conclusively that Raekwon is not, in fact, a bear.
He is a linebacker. And this season, the sophomore should develop into a pretty darn good one.
