10 Reasons to Hate Maryland

10. Lack of hate

You ever know that person that you just really don't like, but they don't anything really deprivative to justify why you don't like them? 

Welcome, Maryland.

They produced the founder of Google. Alum Jim Henson created the Muppets. Even though Larry David doesn't smile he still makes funny television. He went to Maryland too. Carl Bernstein didn't graduate but he learned enough at Maryland and helped take down Richard Nixon. They've done some cool stuff.

Plus, DJ Durkin is a very likable head coach and the program appears to be on the rise. It's just hard to hate this school. 

It doesn't mean I don't, and it certainly doesn't mean you can't hate them either.

9. Melo Trimble

Maybe it's just me, but Melo Trimble was someone I absolutely hated during his three seasons at Maryland.

His stats against Ohio State weren't overall great — he averaged just over 11 points against the Buckeyes over those three years — but a program like Maryland and a point guard like Trimble having their way with the Buckeyes at the end of the Matta era just made me hate this guy even more. He had the swagger and the dog mentality that the Buckeyes needed after D'Angelo Russell left. Instead, we got JaQuan Lyle.

Russell did stuff Trimble into a locker though in January 2015 against Maryland in the Buckeyes 80-56 win — 18 points, 14 rebounds, with six assists and zero turnovers.

Trimble finished with three points.

8. Maryland Lacrosse

Hate Maryland for denying Ohio State a national championship in yet another sport.

Had Ohio State's lacrosse program beaten Maryland in the NCAA lacrosse final in May, it would have been the 13th sport in which Ohio State has won a national championship. Alas, Maryland beat the Buckeyes 9-6 after also defeating them in the Big Ten title game.

It's okay though, Maryland was due. They'd been to nine national championship games since 1975 and lost all nine prior to beating the Buckeyes in May.

Every blind squirrel finds a nut eventually.

7. Curley Byrd

Hate Maryland because — up until 2015 — their football field was named after noted racist and former university president Curley Byrd.

Byrd presided over the university from 1936-1954, and during his time at the helm of Maryland, he did things like blocking Thurgood Marshall from attending Maryland's law school while continually turned away black students from admittance into the university. Even after the Supreme Court ruled in Gaines v. Canada (1938) that blacks and whites had to be provided the same constitutional rights to an in-state education, Byrd found every loophole to keep the university segregated.

Byrd continually skated around laws and did not admit black students until he was legally forced to in 1951.

6. DJ Turner and Lorenzo Harrison playing live action CoD

Hate the Terps because these two yay-hoos are still on the team. In August 2016 Turner and Harrison were charged with three counts of second-degree assault after picking off students on campus with BB guns.

In one incident a male student was picked off while riding his bike in between classes. Two others were shot in separate incidents while simply walking through campus.

They couldn't just stick to quick-scoping 12-year-olds on Playstation Network, they had to run around and try and take an eye out of the Classics major just trying to get to class.

Though they were suspended indefinitely, D.J. Durkin apparently felt good enough about their character (or just needing them on the field) to keep them around.

As of September 17, Turner and Harrison are listed as the co-starters at wide receiver and running back for the Terrapins, respectively.

Here's to the both of them being red and yellow Maryland mush Saturday afternoon.

5. umd thought chocolate milk helped concussions

Forget Russell Wilson claiming his miracle water cured him of his concussion after the 2015 NFC championship game, the University of Maryland School of Public Health spent a bunch of money on a study and put out a press release stating that chocolate milk brand "Fifth Quarter Fresh" was beneficial to those recovering from concussions.

The press release and the study was seen in the public eye as essentially advertising for the milk brand, as the the study was not peer-reviewed. It did make for good fiction though. 

The university ended returning over $200,000 worth of private donations contributed to completing the study.

What kind of institution thinks that chocolate milk helps alleviate concussion symptoms?

4. the helmets, oh my the helmets

Maryland on the whole has some pretty well put-together uniforms than they've had in previous years. One piece that doesn't fall under that category is the helmets. Those stupid, stupid helmets.

Debuting for the first time in the 2013, the lids feature the state flag prominently, sticking out like the sore thumb that is the Maryland state cloth. The Maryland lettering on the back is kind of cool, but they're nonetheless dangerous in all considerations.

USA Today Sports — Jesse Johnson

Maryland has 51in-state players listed on its active roster. What if they all develop this over-exaggerated sense of Maryland nationalism with the flag painted on their helmet and end up using their heads as weapons of the state?

3. maryland is a quarterback burial ground

If you haven't noticed over the last five or six years or so, Maryland uses a lot of quarterbacks. Perry Hills would have made this list had he not finally exhausted his eligibility after last season.

But it's not the quarterbacks themselves that makes them be hated, it's what seems to happen to them at the hands of Maryland.

Maryland has started at least three quarterbacks in a season for three straight years and five of the last six years as well. Perry Hills was around forever — with Hills and Caleb Rowe playing do-si-do with the quarterback position for Maryland for multiple years, one getting hurt or being ineffective after the other on a routine basis.

After 2017 starter Tyrell Pigrome and backup Kasim Hill tore their ACLs this fall, that makes five quarterbacks in the last six years to go down with torn knee ligaments.

Think about what they would've done to our young Simba, Dwayne Haskins. Too bad he flipped to Ohio State and is the heir apparent to J.T. Barrett. 

2. Valerie Solanas

Hate Maryland because this crazy lady and her hot #takes got a degree from the university and tried to murder Andy Warhol after.

Apparently her murderous rage was gathered after Warhol lost a script to her self-written play Up Your Ass, which she wanted the famous artist to produce.

After Warhol lost the script she had given him, Solanas was convinced that Warhol and the founder of Olympia Press, Maurice Girodias, were co-conspiring to steal her writing. In 1968, she bought a gun and later shot Warhol, the bullet going through his lungs, spleen, liver and esophagus.

Somehow, despite Solanas, Warhol survived.

After spending a few years in prison, she was arrested again in 1971 for stalking Warhol over the phone. 

The kicker to Maryland's finest? Her best-known writing titled the SCUM Manifesto. It's opening statement is quite telling of the way she views the male gender.

"Life" in this "society" being, an utter bore and no aspect of "society" being at all relevant to women, there remains to civic-minded, responsible, thrill-seeking females only to overthrow the government, eliminate the money system, complete automation and eliminate the male sex.

Well then. Go Bucks.

1. Testudo the Terrapin

Finally, let's hate terrapins, shall we?

I mean Maryland has never been especially stout at athletics, but still — there are few things less intimidating than looking at the schedule and seeing the Terrapins/Terps on the schedule.

A terrapin, is a "small edible turtle with lozenge-shaped markings on its shell, found in coastal marshes of the eastern US." 

Essentially, the terrapins of Maryland are a bunch of ninja turtles without the ooze, samurai rodent or the ninja training to go with. Just an 8-19 career Big Ten conference record.  

"Dad relax, we play the Terrapins this weekend lmaoooooo." said nine-year-old Robbie on his very first iPhone, probably. Robbie's dad also thinks J.T. Barrett should still be benched in favor of Dwayne Haskins/Joe Burrow, by the way.

And is it just me, or does the Maryland mascot look like the first, un-evolved level five version of a future generation of Pokémon? Maryland has basically been rolling out Squirtle as the official school mascot since 1932.