Harry Miller has been called brave since revealing his mental health struggles, but he doesn't necessarily see it that way.
In an appearance on NBC's The Today Show, Miller opened up about the mental health journey that ultimately led to his retirement from football.
"I had no intention of this happening the way that it did," Miller said. "People call me brave, but for me, it just felt like not dying. It felt like being honest. Maybe bravery is just being honest when it would be easier not to. And if that's bravery, then so be it. I've just been really grateful to receive the help that I have and be able to share with others."
The dilemma is that nobody has to say something, but that is precisely why somebody has to say something.
— TODAY (@TODAYshow) March 21, 2022
Ohio State University football star Harry Miller (@h_miller76) joins us to discuss his decision to step away from football to focus on mental health. pic.twitter.com/naKJLse0LC
Earlier this month, Miller shared a message on social media announcing his intention to retire from football and revealing that last year, he told Ohio State head coach Ryan Day of plans to kill himself.
On Monday's appearance on The Today Show, Miller revealed that this is not the first time he's struggled with suicidal thoughts. When he was eight years old, he remembers telling his mother that he wanted to kill himself.
"I got treatment when I was young," Miller said. "I guess I've always been anxious and depressed."
Miller said he felt good throughout high school, but once he got to college, the weight of being a high-profile athlete and a college student in a rigorous academic track became overwhelming.
“Hope is just pretending to believe in something until one day you don't have to pretend anymore. And right now, you have all the logic, all the rationale in the world to give up on it. But I just ask to pretend for a little bit, and one day you won't have to pretend anymore and you'll be happy.”– Harry Miller on the today show
Between the time spent at practice, and the social media criticism and death threats he and his teammates would receive, mixed in with the continued classwork and exams, it just became too much to handle.
And Miller knows he's not the only one who's felt this way – he's just one of the few that's survived and shared his story.
"It just breaks my heart," Miller said. "When I was going through my therapy, I was seeing stories of Miss Americas and athletes all over the board. And I just kept thinking 'if only somebody would just say something.' And I'm just really grateful that I was able to receive the care and love and affection that I did so that I could."
Asked if he could give advice to anybody going through a similar situation, Miller said to just have hope.
"Hope is just pretending to believe in something until one day you don't have to pretend anymore," Miller said. "And right now, you have all the logic, all the rationale in the world to give up on it. But I just ask to pretend for a little bit, and one day you won't have to pretend anymore and you'll be happy.
"I would just ask you to keep pretending," Miller continued. "And then one day, you won't have to and you'll be so glad that you did. And I think that's the only advice I think I could muster."
Miller said that he is now doing well and that he's still in school – and even has a midterm this week. And he wants to continue to make an impact on those going through similar struggles.
