Has an Ohio State football season ever made you happy from start to finish?
Most of you can remember at least two natties, over a dozen Gold Pants and enough conference titles to not immediately know the exact number. Wire-to-wire bliss is a different story.
Virginia Tech brought the football apocalypse to Columbus in September 2014. I remember walking out of the stadium that night amidst whispers that Urban had lost three of his last four games. A few months later the Buckeyes fumbled five times while running up the score on Oregon.
Clunky September evening, marvelous January outcome. You can't remember a 60-minute masterpiece from 2014 other than 59-0. A dozen seasons earlier we were bracing for inevitable heartbreak each Saturday all the way to a 14-0 record.
So much agony, so much not-losing. Huge year for cardiologists. Wire-to-wire in 2002 was more of a coronary stent reference than a measure of football bliss consistency.
So what's with this happy from start to finish strawman? Unfortunately, it's my fault. Meta alert:
Of course it's triggering, we're in the offseason. My goal on Wednesdays is to keep you awake.
I foolishly suggested the Buckeyes could achieve their goals this season if they paired their generational offense with simply being okay on the other side of the ball. The 2021 OSU defense finished 94th nationally in plays allowed.
If advanced analytics make your head hurt while trying to grade a defense, just look at plays allowed. Easy hack to see if it was able to get off the field. Ohio State’s wasn’t. You knew this.
The Buckeyes waltz into the 2021 playoff with an okay defense. That makes sense in my lizard brain, but to other more evolved creatures it seems to come off as embracing mediocrity. TO THE FACEBOOK COMMENTS SECTION:
Yeah I know they didn't read the article, but the whole point of enrolling in the University of Facebook's commenting college is you get a degree without having to read anything. Don't hate the student, hate the school. We'll get back to Colin and Brenda shortly.
I've never understood the type of fan who requires start-to-finish happinessexcellencesuperiority out of their football team. It is the simplest path to misery, and escaping that doom loop only requires the slightest bit of critical thinking. Let's do that now.
A perfect offensive football game would contain a series of one-play scoring drives - snap ball, score points. You could also accept longer scoring drives (for example, like the ones Michigan had on literally every one of its possessions starting in the 2nd quarter last November) to draw a larger perimeter around perfect.
Defensively, we're looking for one-play drives that end off of turnovers with bonus happiness for defensive touchdowns. There are several problems with this standard. One, it's boring. Not for you, for them - being too good has been historically bad for supremely talented Ohio State teams at least since the 1960s; relevant GIF atop this article.
Every football game has long stretches of "okay" baked into it.
Two, it's impossible. Over the weekend, NFL teams drafted 262 players, but only six of them were Buckeyes, seven if you count the kid who transferred to Alabama because JSN was scheduled to get 75% of his snaps. Every football game has long stretches of okay baked into it.
Reaching Ohio State's heights just about every season is really hard. The Buckeyes just came off the only B1G fourpeat ever, which contained the only B1G threepeat ever - no dynasty like it in conference history. Colin (pretend he isn't being sarcastic) is mimicking a serious and significant chunk of the Buckeye fan base.
Too much talent and money to be in anything less than God-mode at all times? Let's explicitly state that an okay defense would replace a bad defense. Valuable upgrade. Nothing mediocre about it.
Brenda, who is apparently covering Jim Knowles' salary with her own money (!) already has him on the hot seat after zero games because of his scrimmage posture. Classic Brenda.
Some of us realize 15-0 is a moonshot, as well as unnecessary. If you'd like a recent example, Georgia just went 14-1 and seems to be quite happy about it - kind of like 14-1 Ohio State from the CFP's inaugural season. Others of us are like Chris Lowe:
If 15-0 is a must, we're in trouble. Here is the complete list of teams that have gone 15-0 since Walter Camp invented college football during The Reconstruction:
Clemson 2018, LSU 2019
Five others have gone 14-0. Fifteen have gone 13-0, and if you're digging through those lists you're seeing odd words like Boise and Brigham and TCU and Marshall and Utah, twice.
Nick Saban has run the table twice at Alabama, with one of those in a shortened season. Same number of undefeated years as Ohio State this century, but with four more natties. The difference between a trophy case like that and coming up just short numerous times is okay being the floor.
So, what is the reasonable expectation? I suggested and firmly believe Ohio State having the okayest defense this season will directly result in commemorative t-shirts. Let's return to the Keystone Cops on a loop atop this article.
Cursed offense pic.twitter.com/obh8YpsA8Q
— Colton Denning (@Dubsco) May 1, 2022
How was this moment even possible, let alone a regular occurrence for a roster with 30 eventual NFL Draft picks? Oh, also - the guys in white jerseys eventually led this banger 49-0 before the home team canceled the shutout with 13 seconds left. They were so talented, their version of okay was unfair.
Clunky offense. Great defense. Could have gone 15-0. Okayest coaching would have done it.
The 2022 season will be the first since 2017 where Ohio State isn't defending any sort of title. Its success equation changes every year, which is a simpler way of saying perfect is the enemy of good enough. This season has all the elements to be The Chase all over again.
And that does not mean rejecting excellence.
Twenty-five years ago John Cooper reset his tenure when he reluctantly replaced a couple of underperforming defensive coaches, turning a dodgy unit into one which kept every opponent but Iowa under 20 points, and that was only due to garbage time. There’s been nothing on its level in most of our lifetimes.
It took puckered offensive coaching to barely beat that 1996 team just once, and with 13 total points. That defense with an okay offense would be a placard hanging in the north endzone today.
So go ahead, pin your health and sanity to Ohio State fielding a generational defense every season. But first, confirm with your doctor your antihypertensive medication is compatible with your antidepressant.
The game evolves, the players change, the team is always mostly teenagers - and the only thing that remains static is the objective: Beat Michigan before ending the season on three different portable stages while enjoying a televised confetti shower.
That journey is paved with excellence. And it’s held together by a whole bunch of okay moments.
