THE SITUATIONAL: Rules of Prey

Anything is possible if you have the gumption. Denzel Burke came back for his senior year to elevate his draft position and his reward in the second game of the season was a targeting ejection caused by block in the back by a WMU player which pushed him into a ballcarrier who lowered his own head.

The side of Burke's helmet hit that guy's shoulder pad. The officials on the field didn't call anything, because there was nothing to call - but the Invisible Traitors of America's Greatest Sport and Perhaps the Republic Itself stopped the game and manufactured a disqualification that prevents nothing, teaches nothing and saves no one.

Not possible to complain get the hell out of here with that loser attitude. Everything is possible. Imagine if George Washington had gazed across the icy Delaware River on Christmas Night 1776 and thought not tonight, patriots - this eggnog isn't going to drink itself. You can complain about anything if you try hard enough.

Quinshon Judkins had an 80-yard touchdown run erased because of a ticky-tack holding call which took place 15 yards behind him. Will Howard threw a few balls late and short. Go ahead, get mad.

Western Michigan, whom Ohio State treated like a narc at a biker rally had the discipline and dignity to operate nearly flawlessly. One flag for two yards. Not even a borderline hold or targeting penalty. Buckeyes could learn something from the Broncos. 

Saturday night was a masterful, performance - unless you happen to be miserable.

Ohio State’s special teams decided to be a net negative one week after teasing us into believing it had been weaponized. Let's credit WMU's kickers intent on not allowing the Buckeyes to humiliate their program in all three phases of the game.

Some bad officiating and an unacceptable special teams performance over the past three years would have resulted in Ohio State's head coach tolerating it. This time he got extremely passive-aggressive about the refs and will be making changes to the return unit.

Friends, this is all we've ever asked for. Act like getting better is more important than being right.

Saturday night was a masterful performance - unless you happen to be miserable. Tuesday's press conference was like scoring another three touchdowns the way Ryan Day described what we all saw and acknowledged what he needs to do about it. Special Teams may not be fully weaponized, but the program appears to be working toward that goal.

The attitude and intentions Ohio State showed on Saturday night in a game it could have won playing tepid, conservative and objectively boring football was truly inspired. Grading the outcome had little to do with the score and nothing to do with the opponent.

This team is training to stay and play unafraid football for the duration of the entire season, and that is something which has not been seen in Columbus for too long. Bye week already? Whatever, we're getting Situational anyway -

OPENER | THE HOT SAUCE COOKBOOK

Sep 7, 2024; Columbus, Ohio, USA; Ohio State Buckeyes cornerback Davison Igbinosun (1) knocks down a pass by Western Michigan Broncos quarterback Hayden Wolff (11) during the first half of the NCAA football game at Ohio Stadium. © Adam Cairns/Columbus Dispatch / Imagn Images

We've been conditioned as a fan base since John Cooper was cutting hot tub commercials that there's nothing to be learned from an overmatched opponent in town to collect an ass-kicking and a ransom which allows its athletic department to stay solvent another year.

It's not true. That's a self-fulfilling coward's prophecy - playing voracious, audacious, high-energy and innovative football isn't some precious resource that should be reserved for high-profile opponents. It's a practice which should be expended and deployed so that playing anything cooler than Hair on Fire feels weird and cowardly.

When resources are limited and roster depth is at kiddie pool levels, sure - but that's a peasant program's mentality. That's an unserious football program's position. It's Our Head Coach Tried to Negotiate NCAA Immunity into His Contract and Didn't Get it So He Bolted for the NFL levels of unseriousness. It's normal to leave a national championship program before the parade route is swept up, stop calling it suspicious you losers.

Whew, I'm lightheaded. Where was I - ah right, all praise the next great OSU tailback:

Nothing to see here, just late-season 2014 Ezekiel Elliott cresting production with half of the wear and tear in September behind a piecemeal offensive line still trying to figure itself out. James Peoples (misleading name, he's just one person) is getting over five yards a carry playing behind walk-ons and backup-backups.

It turns out scheme, creativity and not multitasking three big jobs at once unlocks something potent, unfair, totally permissible and a lot more fun than watching elite athletes run directly into the boundary for no gain on repeat. Someone write that down. Never mind, I just did.

Defenses could load up and force Howard to beat them the way they did last season when Kyle McCord needed at least one 3rd quarter drive to warm up, and here's the thing - Howard can probably do that, and sooner. Some opponent will try this. It will probably go poorly!

We're this far into slobbering over the Ohio State offense with a dedicated football nerd sequestered from the sideline mad scientisting up some schemes, sequences and impeccably tailored adjustments - and you haven't read the words Emeka, Egbuka, Jeremiah, Smith, Carnell, Tate, Brandon or Innis yet.

If the 2015 Buckeyes had played with the mindset we've seen through two games, there would be one more placard hanging in the north end zone right now.

Two MAC opponents, whatever. The Buckeyes are pornographic through 1/6 of their schedule.

And the best part is they're acting and speaking with deep, irritated dissatisfaction about the 3% of the game which kept the 97% from flirting with perfection. Don't let perfect be the enemy of good might work in your cubicle jungle, but just being good hasn't won a B1G title since the days when people could innocently sneeze in an elevator without freaking everyone out.

If the 2015 Buckeyes had played with the mindset we've seen through two games, there would be one more placard hanging in the north end zone right now. Howard half-apologized after the game about the offense having left some meat on the bone.

He understands the assignment. They all do. Unlike two seasons ago, I don't foresee them getting derailed by a bye week, impotent payback energy or a false sense of security.

INTERMISSION

The Solo

The last time we had to tolerate the unforgivable phrase Defending National Champion Michigan Wolverines it was following the 1997 season. This year, intermissions will pay homage to that cursed year's Billboard Hot 100.

We haven't paid homage to Jim "Bangers Only" Steinman since he passed away in 2021. For the uninformed or simply forgetful, he's the songwriter behind literally every Meat Loaf song you know. This is why you can imagine Loaf singing every Steinman banger someone else ended up singing.

This includes Karaoke Hall of Famers Total Eclipse of the Heart as well as Making Love Out of Nothing at All. Also, this week's 1997 callback which recently ended up on TouchTunes at Char Bar while I was there and brought strangers together in inspired, spontaneous fashion.

It contains a majestic piano solo. Let's answer our two questions.

Is the musician in the video actually playing the piano?

He doesn't make an appearance in this music video which is basically The Cover of Every Tacky Romance Novel Set to Music and that's probably for the best because these keys are handled by Professor Roy Bittan, whom you know from Bruce Springsteen's E Street Band as well as every Steinman song listed above and a lot of others as well. VERDICT: Inconclusive.

does this piano solo slap?

A couple of things - first, Dion basically stole this song from Loaf and he never got over it. Second, a few days after hearing this banger and seeing Char Bar turn it into a sing-a-long, some asshole drove through the front window and put the place out of commission. You can support them here.

Historic Columbus watering holes deserve the patronage. MOM! MEAT LOAF! VERDICT: Slaps

The Bourbon

There is a bourbon for every situation. Sometimes the spirits and the events overlap, which means that where bourbon is concerned there can be more than one worthy choice.

Barrell Private Release. Spend the bye week hunting.

Your Ohio State Buckeyes have had their first two opponents over a barrel and their reward is an awkward, early season bye week. They had one of these in 2014 as well, a season in which nothing particularly interesting happened in college football. Yes, there's a bourbon for this.

It's boring, because I don't have the discipline to go more than a few of these dispatches without heading back to Barrell or Barrell adjacencies (here, here, here, here, here, here and I'm sure others). Akron and WMU gave me an excuse so I'll take it.

Recently secured the GXAI gold medal winner from the San Francisco Tasting Alliance (this is the CFP for whiskeys) and hoo boy it kicks as like Chip Kelly's zone blocking schemes. If you see it, grab it.

Private Release keeps no secrets - this blend is as follows:

The base is developed and the remaining quarter is mature, refined and utterly goddamn sophisticated. Barrell only produced 1,836 bottles of this, and it would make me sad if they weren't so good at it - no anxiety about them continuing to produce.

Fudge bars and shredded wheat on the nose, big rye Tate's Bake Shop snickerdoodle on the palate, lemon-infused tobacco on the finish. Exactly one ice cube allows you to taste 30% more of it than neat.

CLOSER | A LONG WAY FROM ARLINGTON

Sep 7, 2024; Columbus, Ohio, USA; Ohio State Buckeyes tight end Bennett Christian (85) runs for a touchdown after making a catch against the Western Michigan Broncos during the second half at Ohio Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Adam Cairns-Imagn Images

Four games ago Ohio State pulled its 5-star players off the field on 4th & short multiple times so that the special teams unit could take the field in Ann Arbor and deliver multiple 30-something yard punts and a missed field goal. That defense should have been enough.

Three games ago the offensive game strategy was We Don't Trust Our Guys At All and the result was three total points, but more importantly - it resulted in an abrupt, deliberate and wholesale vibe shift to acting like a serious football program.

The first two games of the season have a final score of Ohio State 108, Opponents 6. The scores weren't important. It won't be important in two weeks when Marshall comes to town. What's important is tracking and sustaining toward beating opponents which matter more.

Here's our tracker heading into what Day has called Improvement Week. Ahead of schedule!

Austin Siereveld had 66 snaps, which like last week is totally fine. No one else had more than 48.

The Buckeyes played four quarterbacks, five running backs, 11 wide receivers, seven tight ends (including four on one play, that's T-Rex or Jumbo personnel for the kids at home), 11 offensive linemen but not Donovan Jackson, 16 defensive linemen, seven linebackers and 11 secondary players.

SITUATIONAL ARCHIVE The Situational Whiskey Cellar

Western Michigan was used for live game reps all the way down the roster, and if the Broncos were offended by this - they shouldn't be; that's what the money's for.

Also, they need to remember their mailing address. We Don't Give a Damn for the Whole State, including the campuses that sound like they're named after imaginary Dr. Seuss towns.

Thanks for getting Situational today. Go Bucks. Beat Bye.