Due to last Thursday night's euphoria about the Browns federally-indicted Jimmy Haslam drafting Johnny Football, I forgot to post a NSFW Anti-Work Banger in Friday's Skull Session. (Contrary to a hater and his handful of upvoters, the word banger is a Marionaire standby.)
So before we get to the news or whatever it is I'm paid (in Bitcoins and Waffle House coupons) to do in these parts, here are three NSFW ANTI-WORK BANGERS to make up for the oversight because I AM A BENEVOLENT SKULL SESSION OVERLORD.
Yes, I'm screaming at you because today is Friday, and pool season is almost upon us!!!!11111
- Behind every hardened cynic is a shattered doe-eyed optimist. I happen to know the exact date of when my innocence was robbed from me: July 7th, 1996. Hollywood Hogan betrayed the WCW, joined the NWO and I've been a hardened, dead-on-the-inside cynic ever since.
- 100 of the greatest quotes from The Wire, the greatest television drama of all time. (That's a fact, jack.)
- Twenty-four minutes of memorable scenes of the legendary Heisenberg. I still think that show should've ended with the Neo-Nazis capping Heisenberg, Gomie and Hank, burying them in an unmarked desert grave and riding off into the sunset with Heisenberg's millions because THAT'S HOW IT GOES IN THE DRUG GAME. I also might have cried.
THAD MATTA IS A MILLIONAIRE. According to a database by USA Today, Thad Matta made a cool $3,182,000 last year in base pay with a miserly bonus of $100,000. He was the eighth highest paid coach in the NCAA tournament, and the highest paid coach that lost to the mighty Flyers of the University of Dayton.
Speaking of the men's basketball team, LaQuinton Ross has a workout scheduled with the Cleveland Cavaliers on Monday. Here he is at the NBA combine showing his ability to stretch the floor:
This went much smoother than Aaron Craft's shooting exhibition. Ross is projected as a late first round, early second round selection.
ANYONE HERE REMEMBER PAT WHITE? Derrick Henry, a running back for the Alabama Crimson Tide, got himself a new car recently. Like an idiot, he took to social media to show it off, and he was naturally lambasted by people who had a hard time believing an unemployed man who just completed his freshman year in college could afford a new sports car.
This takes us to Pat White, the former West Virginia quarterback the Miami Dolphins inexplicably drafted in the second round. He has an anecdote for us:
Yes, Tyler Vincent, I'm sure West Virginia University would agree: Pat White was worth much more to them than a lousy Corvette. (Corvette? What is this, 1976?) Unfortunately I don't think Tyler's memories hold any trade-in value at the dealership.
Nick Saban was asked about Pat White's "accusations." Of course, Nick Saban wasn't the coach at Alabama when Pat White was recruited, so Saban handled it in typical Saban fashion:
(A tiny screen for a tiny man with a tiny ass I don't want to kiss.)
This type of stuff is commonplace at elite programs, and I don't care about crusty old men giving fast cars to young men who excel at a children's game. There's nothing ethically wrong about it. (The Internal Revenue Service, as I've noted before, might disagree. They wouldn't need circular logic, either.)
TOM CREAN CAN'T THROW A BASEBALL. I've never been accused of being an athlete, but I continue to be baffled by the amount of people who can't throw a baseball. IT ISN'T HARD, PEOPLE.
[You will have to click through to see Crean's horrific attempt to throw a baseball because BTN embedding is EVEN WORSE than Tom Crean is at throwing a baseball. Good job, good effort, BTN.]
In retrospect, I suppose it's not as bad as Michigan's all-time interceptions thrower, Denard Robinson:
BRACE YOURSELVES, THE O'BANNON TRIAL IS COMING. My good pals at the NCAA are going on trial next month (June 9th) — it's going to be, shall we say, a banger? — and the potential witness list is an impressive who's who of college football power-brokers.
Jim Delany being treated as a hostile witness would be appointment television.
Turns out though, the plaintiffs want NCAA President Mark Emmert to testify. Good luck with that, clowns; Mark Emmert would dice up any trial lawyer worse than Craig James did to the corpses of those five hookers he butchered during his reign of terror at SMU.
THOSE WMDs. Hero cat catches OJ Simpson... Salvador Dali's 1975 illustrations for Romeo and Juliet... Images show what coastal cities would look like if the sea level rose just 12 feet... In 2013, insurers spent $64 million in California covering dog bites... How World Cup players looked in 2006 compared to now... Gateway to OSU campus glows with new homes... OSU to pay $45,000 for plane destroyed by derecho at Don Scott... Hemingway in 1930: Bullfighting, sport and industry... The Devil's Bait... One man's transition from military to civilian life... JOHNNY WILL BE GOOD U MEAN...
