This week's NSFW ANTI-WORK #BANGER is the fact The Day After Christmas is also a Friday. My weekly installment of puerile internet videos will instead shift to next Thursday... for... reasons.
THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS FOR J.T. MOORE. In the few minutes I spent thinking about sports yesterday, I saw Jimbo Fisher on ESPNU talking about the adversity through which his team waded this year. That was cause for a good chuckle. (I guess in retrospect I didn't spend my formative years as an asshole; that was just "adversity.")
For real adversity, we turn to Columbus:
MISSING: Claudette Moore came to Cbus to see her son graduate from @OhioState. 2 days later, she disappeared. At 5. pic.twitter.com/12NwrfYU1d
— Glenn McEntyre (@Glenn10TV) December 25, 2014
Ms. Moore is the mother of senior tight end J.T. Moore, and boy, do the hits just keep coming for this Buckeye team.
THE PICKUP WE NEEDED. In happier news: Two weeks ago, I mentioned an Ohio State fan by the name of Jacob Jarvis, and he was well received because Jacob Jarvis is amazing. (And I mean that in the literal sense of the word.) His brother, Noah is equally inspirational, and it's an honor to know these two will be riding with Buckeye Nation against mighty Alabama.
From Bill Rabinowitz of The Columbus Dispatch:
For so many years, his mom and stepdad wondered why he — and then his younger brother, Noah — had to be afflicted with such a terrible disease as Duchenne muscular dystrophy.
[...]
Heuerman surprised him last December by coming to Jacob’s birthday dinner. He has given Jacob the cleats, signed by him and Braxton Miller, that Heuerman wore in the 2012 Michigan game.
Linebacker Joshua Perry, who went to the same middle school — Olentangy Shanahan — that Jacob attends, was a guest at Jacob’s surprise birthday party on Saturday.
Yeah, you're going to want to click that link.
Granted, Urban Meyer didn't recruit Heuerman, but remember when Meyer was supposed to recruit thugs to Columbus? (Wow, were those bad #takes even then.)
THE TALE OF THE TAPE. In the few minutes of yesterday's sports-thinking that wasn't dedicated to smirking at Jimbo Fisher, I was talking with some folks about my refusal to watch any other bowl game until the Sugar Bowl.
I won't hate on folks who spend time watching things like the Belk Bowl, but I just can't do it. The pang I feel against the inner reaches of the sole remaining shard of my soul can't be quenched by a game featuring Western Kentucky; it'd be like trying to soothe a meth addict with a Bud Light.
I'd much rather think and read about Ohio State and Alabama, who as I just mentioned, play in a big game next week.
Alex Scarborough and Austin Ward of ESPN produced a Tale of the Tape article, and it did not disappoint:
Three defenders Ohio State needs to ball out (besides, you know, THE ENTIRE DEFENSE): Michael Bennett, Joey Bosa, and Doran Grant. (I'm feeling a dynamite performance from Doran Grant. He'll have help, but he'll do the yeoman's work against Amari Cooper.)
I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING. The Year of Luigi, 2014, has provided many laughs at Michigan failure, and with Jim Harbaugh likely headed to Ann Arbor, we may not enjoy a harvest this bountiful for years to come.
And while I've seen plenty of MichiganForlornFaces.JPEGs this year, this one almost made me rupture an intestine due to laughter:
Merry Christmas! Let's watch Michigan lose to Ohio State again in this 19-minute Drive-Thru. http://t.co/GHxrBfYS9u pic.twitter.com/UenXkk6EeC
— Eleven Warriors (@11W) December 25, 2014
That man is so broken down right there. If you removed everything but his face and I said "Is this a Michigan Man at The Game in Columbus or is he a prisoner of war reading off his captors' demands?" You would have to think for a minute or two.
As a world renowned hater, I could heat my hovel for all of January with the schadenfreude ginned from that picture.
THOSE WMDs. Save yourself the trouble of seeing The Interview and take 30 seconds to read the whole script... This Cavs fan is fed up with Kevin Love... Twitter user makes 35-minute drive to fight Kobe hater... Tulsa's newest commit will be my favorite player not named Cardale Jones... Jack Daniels names his son Jim Beam.
