Martin Luther King Jr. Skull Session

By D.J. Byrnes on January 19, 2015 at 6:00 am
DOLODALE!!!!!
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Would anybody object if Cardale Jones graced every Skull Session header photo from now until the end of time? Because this week's Iron King forecast is SKRONG.

Now, can I get TWO CLAPS and a RIC FLAIR? (I still love that video so much, even if General Luck was defeated by cheaters.)

By the way: I enjoyed this piece on Ezekiel Elliott's recruitment, and the quashing of Burrow, Weber, and Gibson scuttlebutt by Jeremy Birmingham. That dual-chamber Sunday action is why they call him the Lord of Whispers, folks.

CHAMPIONSHIP IS LIFE-CHANGING, CHAMPIONS SAY. The championship was a life-changing experience for me, the guy who did nothing to contribute other than file typo-riddled early morning aggregation columns. I can only imagine the feeling of conquest if I had contributed blood and sweat.

Thanks to Rob Oller of Dispatch.com, who tracked down reflections from champions as far back as 1942's team, we now have a glimpse:

“When I saw the celebration after the game, part of me envied that, because we never had anything like that,” said [Chuck] Csuri, 92, a tackle on OSU’s first national title team. “We won our last game of the season and suddenly discovered we were No. 1 — and that was it.

“We went right off into the military. We had none of that exhilaration, and I regret that.”

Hell, that gives a whole different meaning to the Dalecision. Could you imagine if that would have happened in 1942?

A weapon of Dolodale's caliber would've been the most-sought after recruit in United States military history. Hell, Trollodale would've had everyone at home hittin' their vapes by Christmas 1942. (It wouldn't be called the Greatest Generation anymore; it'd be called the Greatest "Human.")

(Petty yuck-yucking aside: I don't work in public relations, because I value the few remaining shards of my soul I have left. If I did labor in such affairs, I'd round up as many as the 1942 guys as I could; Ohio State has quite the opportunity on the 24th to give those heroes the celebration they deserve yet never had.)

“Whether it’s 1942 and guys who were coming off the Great Depression, all the way to today’s Buckeyes, we all understand two-a-days, the grind of meetings and workouts, going to class and being a student-athlete,” [Mike] Doss said.

“That connection will always be there, that lifeline of champion to champion. My family, my teammates, my community, my state — everyone feels a part of it.

Crazy to think Mike Doss is now third on my MY FAVORITE BUCKEYES EVER LIST, which looks a little something like this: 

  1. The Iron King, Cardale Jones, First of His Name, Poacher of Badgers, Controller of Tides, Slayer of Ducks, Troll Sultan, and 12th Son of Ohio.
  2. Maurice "the Beast" Clarett
  3. Mike "Only Ran For 77 Yards Against Marion Harding" Doss

And yes, even as a man with the state of Ohio tattooed onto my decomposing meat-prison, I do feel like part of this championship. (Not enough to condemn a player or his family to a trip to the post office, but still.)

DALE, ONE OF BEST QB PROSPECTS IN RECENT YEARS? Did Cardale Jones err in coming back to school? I'm sure an agent could have had a lot of fun with these numbers from Max Mulitz of RotoViz.com (via @antominal):

 One, guess how many starts the average QB picked in the top 2 rounds had against Top 25 Teams? 3.15. How many did Cardale Jones have this season? Three. Am I using hypophora as a crutch? Absolutely. But still, if we’re talking about number of games vs. a certain caliber of opponent, Jones is actually doing just fine as a prospect. So then the question you might ask is “well how much does the player’s performance vs. ranked teams correlate with their end of season numbers on the whole?” and the answer is: a lot. The correlation between regular [Adjusted Yards/Attempt] and AYA in top 25 games is 0.8, meaning if a player is 1 standard deviation above the mean in top 25 games, we would expect them to be 0.8 above the mean in regular games. This is a very strong relationship.

Now would be a good time to mention that Cardale Jones put up an AYA of 10 in his three starts, which would put him in the top third of the group. Furthermore, 78 percent of the quarterbacks performed better in terms of average AYA in their “easy” games than they did in their games vs. Top 25 opponents. Taken at face value, this suggests there is a 78 percent chance that, if he had started the entire season, Cardale Jones would have an AYA above 10. In fact, on average the quarterbacks performed 1.2 AYA higher in their end of season passing stats than they did in the games against top 25 Teams. This means that if we were to estimate Cardale Jones full season AYA based on the data from his three starts, our best guess would 11.2. This would make him a Tier 1 Prospect based on Shawn Siegeles’ research by a comfortable margin of two yards per attempt. In short, Cardale Jones could have been one of the best quarterback prospects of the past few years had he declared for the draft this season.

Here are the names of the all the quarterbacks taken (in order) in the first two rounds of the last two drafts. Stop me if there's one you'd take over Cardale Jones RIGHT NOW: EJ Manuel, Geno Smith, Blake Bortles, Johnny Manziel, Teddy Bridgewater, Derek Carr, and Jimmy Garoppolo.

None of those men are towering over Yoyodale. If any NFL-types think Cardale Jones wouldn't have gone in the first two rounds of this year's draft then their heads are so far up their asses they're high on the stench of their own putrid assholes. We are talking about THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE, though, so anything is possible.

And yet even I — "Mr. Take The Money And Run" himself — have come to the conclusion returning to school for another year was the right decision for Cardale. (My IRL BFF summed it up succinctly on Friday.) 

This will be reaffirmed next year when he's throwing touchdown passes in Blacksburg instead of getting broken in half by the New York Jets' quarterback meat-grinder. (Did I just cast my vote in the 2015 QB Armageddon? I'm offended you even had to ask.)

MAKES U THINK FOR SURE, MIKE THOMAS. Mike Thomas was warning us as early as February 2014 to watch out for this Ohio State team. Yesterday, he released another omen:

Since we're #talkingThomas, did my main man get robbed about a week ago!?

At first I was like, "Damn, I'm salty they robbed me of celebrating a Jones-to-Thomas title game touchdown." But then I realized if that had happened I'd have rammed my head through my TV in a fit of unbridled ecstasy. (I can't afford those kind of medical bills.)

FINAL GRADES. My final grades? EVERYBODY GETS AN A+.

From Jon Spencer of BucyrusTelegraphForum.com:

Meyer said he's never seen a player do a 180, as an athlete, student and person, like quarterback Cardale Jones. How about a collection of players? By the end of the year, the offensive line bore no resemblance to the crew that allowed seven sacks in the week two loss to Virginia Tech. Undersized center Jacoby Boren is the poster boy for a front five that overcame its limitations — most glaring, a lack of starting experience — to excel as well in the trenches as any that came before them. The holes were so big, Ezekiel Elliott could have taken what was left of his half jersey, turned it into a blindfold and still rushed for over 200 yards against Wisconsin, Alabama and Oregon. Cardale's jersey could have gone right from the playing field to the College Football Hall of Fame without a trip in the spin cycle. Who needs Orlando Pace?

GRADE: A minus

I know it's trivial, but damn if seeing somebody hand out an "A-" rating to the slobs didn't get me #internetfiredup. An A-? To the slobs? Not to their faces, anyway.

Cardale Jones gets the cult (its president types this column), and Ezekiel Elliott gets the shine... but make no mistake, it was the slobs up front that set the tone against the likes of Alabama and Oregon. The slobs were what kept Cardale upright when it mattered and plowed the way for Ezekiel's final judgement.

(Let us pause now to again laugh at Kansas for failing to hire Ed Warinner.)

I don't give a damn about that Virginia Tech game anymore. In fact, what Virginia Tech game am I even blabbering about?

A+ to everybody involved, but A++ to my dudes eating out of the troughs. They led the way.

THIS IS A BAD TAKE. One of my biggest fears is becoming so old and crusty I unironically think sports are a breeding ground for moral judgement, and I allow it to cloud such indisputable facts like Urban Meyer's championship DNA.

If you could put my schadenfreude (oh, the delicious certainty of it all) into a pill, you would have a pill that would put the Cocaine Man and the Viagra Man out of business in a little under a fortnight. (Pfizer/Cartels, I'll be waiting by my phone.)

SORRY, STILL WISH BAD THINGS ON THE PATRIOTS. Let it be known: I will never cheer for anything related to the city of Boston or "Touchdown" Tom Brady. (You could say I've counted him out.)

Solder NATE EBNER (im an idiot) is a Jim Tressel-era thoroughbred, and I mean this with no disrespect, but I hope he and the Patriots lose The Big Game by 150.

THEY CAN NEVER TAKE THIS PASS FROM US. If the men's basketball team doesn't want to be good this year, I won't yell about it. After all, I'm content with championship resin hits all the way until fall camp.

It would be a shame, however, to waste a talent like this on a forgettable team:

Yup, that guy will be in the NBA this time next year.

I linked to a hype video last week, and a lot of people asked me for the song. I did not know, but I keep goons on deck for conundrums of this nature. Behold:

And that's how we solve these riddles, folks:

THOSE WMDs. Be easy on them, Kingsley Coleman... Charles Barkley's gambling losses are astounding... Seahawks were statistically dead to rites... Messi riding around getting it... Pixar's 22 rules to storytelling... Meet the men who spy on women through their webcams.

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Ohio State Blows Out Indiana, 38-15, for Second Top-Five Win of Season

Josh Fryar

Prognosticating: Indiana

Dry Goods Contest
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