Sunday Skull Session

By D.J. Byrnes on April 19, 2015 at 4:59 am
Nick Conner
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If meth is illegal then IPAs should be illegal too. They can't have it both ways.

One moment I'm at the spring banger drinking with Habu71, Remy, and some other boss that turned down my friend's $60 offer for his "KING CARDALE" t-shirt. The next, I'm naked in my bed wishing for death's sweet embrace. (Shoutout to my soldiers at Uber.)

Somebody said yesterday I couldn't have been that hurt if I was up before 8:30. I disagree. The worst hangovers are the ones you can't sleep off because you're still drunk and the world spins whenever you close your eyes. 

I assume the amateur who passed out at Varsity Club was drinking them too (guess he's gotta hone those blackout survival skills). Please, support me in banning IPAs. They do not deserve to be legal. 

SPRING GAME RUNDOWN. Were you not one of the record-setting 99,000+ people at Ohio Stadium yesterday or missed the BTN telecast? Here's the game summary distilled to a tweet.

And here's our full rundown:

Oh, and this pic too:

CHAOS REIGNS AT EQUIPMENT SALE. According to Tony Gerdeman, shit got hectic at yesterday's equipment sale.

Because people are the worst — and because Ohio State didn't set a cap on $100 game jerseys — the first thirty people allowed in hoarded all the jerseys. Another report said jerseys were gone in two minutes, and that one man's bill was $6,000.

Now, maybe they were men who did a lot of sex, and by extension, have a large family of Ohio State fans. After all, it would be nice to wrap up Christmas shopping in April. Or maybe they plan on wearing an Ohio State jersey every day until they die. 

More likely, however, they were scumbags looking to resell them. (Hopefully Ohio State learned its lesson going forward.)

Naturally, when the masses were allowed in — remember, people drove and waited for hours for this thing — fisticuffs broke out and the cops were called. In the end, one man was punched and a kid got trampled.

All over some dang used laundry. I'm proud to be an Ohio State fan 99% of the time, but this is not one.

BRAXTON: NOT FAT. I saw a commenter say Braxton looked husky in recent pictures. If he's husky then my arteries are about to collapse from morbid obesity:

That's from the Fastest Student Competition. Chris thought Ezekiel Elliott took his foot off the pedal. If I were Braxton, though, I'm throwing a challenge flag on this one.

POSSIBLE BANSKY SPOTTED ON CAMPUS? When I went to Ohio State most sidewalk art involved crude penises (redundant, I know).

Ezekiel Elliott should be readying for the NFL draft right now, but am I about to get upset about watching him destroy "amateur" competition for another year? No.

YOU CALL THAT A SPRING GAME? Let's laugh at pathetic programs' pathetic spring game performances:

Great take there, guy who literally gets paid because of people's unhealthy sports obsessions.

It could be the last championship Illinois ever loses. 

BONUS! Salty PSU fans:

THOSE WMDs. Higuain had a nice #CrewSC goal last night... Mexico to Columbus: Serving All Your Heroin Needs... I refuse to believe this man is 20... AVFC's magical #teen, Jack Graelish, has history on his side at Wembley... 16% of NFL players go bankrupt.

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Prognosticating: Indiana

Dry Goods Contest

Ohio State Blows Out Indiana, 38-15, for Second Top-Five Win of Season

Josh Fryar
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