Sunday Skull Session

The dang emerald ash borer got my mom's ash tree. Now I have to move this lumber in Marion (no that's not drug lingo). If I die from manual labor... embalm me with Bibibop's Yum Yum sauce and bury me in the shadow of the Harding Tomb.

LAX STUMBLES IN DENVER. Ohio State's men's lacrosse team started hot yesterday, going up 7-1 on No. 4 Denver by the second quarter. (That dude Jesse King is the truth.)

Denver is a tournament favorite for a reason, however. The Pioneers clawed back, and the Buckeyes eventually succumbed, 15-13, in the NCAA Quarterfinals. Props to the team on a helluva season.

 11W WEEK IN REVIEW. Here's some stuff written by me and other stuff written by people more talented than me:

• Ohio State men's basketball is ditching the OOC cupcakes next year.
• D'Angelo Russell dropped some classic one-liners at NBA Combine media interviews.
• Ohio Stadium, erected in 1922, will remain a cornerstone of the football program.
• Tweets from around campus.
• Get to know one-time Kentucky commit and 2015 OSU signee, WR Alex Stump.
• Meet the world's smartest kindergartner. 
• Dontre Wilson is still looking to live-up to towering expectations.
• Eli Apple is ready for his promotion.
• OSU needs to develop its young DTs in 2015.
• Jalin Marshall's transformation from high school QB to collegiate WR is almost complete.
• Mike Conley, Thad Matta's best pro?

ALFORD LIKING OSU. Urban Meyer can recruit more than just a talented football player; he can also seemingly pluck coaches at will. The latter's not to be understated either, as adults, unlike kids, are dealing with moving entire families and other adult stuff.

From Tim May of Dispatch.com:

“Urban is a coach who is involved in everything, sees everything,” Alford said. “He is involved in every aspect of it at all times. The message is clear, it’s very clear. It’s articulated every single day, a thousand times a day so there’s no mistake. And I love it.”

That message, in a nutshell, is know your stuff, never settle, always push for improvement. Not that Kelly let his coaches sit and bask either. Notre Dame played for the national championship in 2012 and is a bastion of college football.

“I was at a great place; I was at a fantastic place that took great care of me and my family,” Alford said. “It was an agonizing decision because I had been there a long time. But for my professional growth, I thought this would be best for me.”

We know it's unlikely Notre Dame will ever make a College Football Playoff, so we must relish victories like these over the Irish. Alford has been at Ohio State since about a week after National Signing Day, and his poaching still brings a smile to my bologna-stuffed face.

ZEKE TO DALLAS? The Dallas News tabbed a man we know as the Dallas Cowboy's No. 1 draft target next year:

1.) Ezekiel Elliott, RB, Ohio State. The sophomore rushed for 1,878 yards and 18 touchdowns last season, leading the Buckeyes to a national title win over Oregon at AT&T Stadium. In Ohio State’s final three games, Elliott averaged 232 yards and scored eight touchdowns. If the Cowboys are still in need of a workhorse back next year, this Heisman Trophy contender could be the guy.

It's hard to say what is worse. The idea of Ezekiel Elliott scoring touchdowns on behalf of messianic billionaire like Jerry jones, or this shirt:

ive never killed a man... but i have my limits pic.twitter.com/h5ZY6lLwTE

— D.J. Byrnes (@marion_ohio) May 16, 2015

If you looked at that shirt and a desire to purchase it washed over you... congratulations, you're within the 90th percentile of the world's worst people.

DALE'S TWITTER ODYSSEY. Once upon a time, the Internet declared Cardale Jones bad at Twitter (they were wrong, by the way). Now, Cardale is good again. It's hilarious what three football wins can do for a man's perception.

From Matt Borcas of Grantland.com:

Surely, this is not a coincidence. Perhaps Jones is genuinely just using Twitter as an outlet to express his engaging personality, but even if that’s the case, it has helped him to become the most beloved Ohio State football player in recent memory. And while Urban Meyer certainly won’t name him the starting quarterback based on his social media prowess alone, it can’t hurt to be the fan favorite, especially when you’re fighting for every advantage you can get against exceedingly talented competition. All of which is to say that Jones has transformed into a certifiable Twitter genius and should probably become a brand strategy consultant when his football career is over.

The Noah feud is only the latest example of this. In fact, it’s hard to keep track of the number of headlines Jones has amassed this offseason for his calculatedly brilliant tweets.

I couldn't help but notice Dale didn't mention Joakim Noah after Matthew Dellavedova bludgeoned the Chicago Bulls to death with his boulder-sized testicles. I wouldn't be surprised if an authority figure whispered some "guidance" into his ear about his antics.

That'd be a shame if so. Say what you will about Cardale's feud with Noah, but it's more palatable than the boilerplate fed to us by 97% of athletes these days. Just one man's #take.

THOSE WMDs. Michigan Man made $4 million smuggling rare Pez dispensers into the country (Playboy).... In Bourbon Country, a Shot of Scandal...  Mayan pyramid bulldozed by road construction firm... The Murder Of A Nun Who Knew Too Much... I was on Amtrak train 188.