Skull Session: Ohio State Trails Alabama and Michigan in Title Odds, Stephen Collier Gets Schooled, and Maurice Clarett Shares His Winner's Manual

By D.J. Byrnes on May 24, 2016 at 4:59 am
Raekwon McMillan is recording the May 24th 2016 Skull Session
Raekwon McMillan
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Fumbled a "knew/new" exchange in yesterday's Skull Session. Thankfully, I don't get paid for my grammatical or Ohio State knowledge. For future reference, all complaints are to be sent to my email, which is kevin@elevenwarriors.com.

And yes, you're right—nobody ever guesses D.J. stands for Kevin; not even the second family I maintain across town. But I do love to get cussed out by strangers with impeccable grammar who refuse to tolerate my crudities, so bombs away!

ICYMI:

 ALL ABOARD THE WOLVERINE HYPE TRAIN!!! The Las Vegas Superbook released updated 2016 title odds Monday afternoon, which means we get to spend Tuesday morning weighing hypothetical scenarios about bets none of us will make because gambling is illegal, and Las Vegas is a honeypot maintained by the F.B.I. to entrap degenerates who gamble real money on the outcome of amateur sporting events. (Just what I've ready online, anyway.)

Alabama leads the newest crop of odds... with Michigan?! Yes, Michigan, at No. 2.

Ohio State is in the third tier with Oklahoma and Clemson.

 
SCHOOL ODDS
ALABAMA 6:1
MICHIGAN 7:1
CLEMSON 8:1
OKLAHOMA 8:1
OHIO STATE 8:1
FLORIDA STATE 12:1
BAYLOR 15:1
LOUISIANA STATE 15:1
NOTRE DAME 15:1
AUBURN 30:1
GEORGIA 30:1
MISSISSIPPI STATE 30:1
STANFORD 30:1
UCLA 30:1

To which I say... keep pumping up the Wolverines, baby! I may send a courier to Vegas with $5 on the Wolverines to shift the line into further absurdity. (If the Wolverines won I'd immolate myself instead of claiming the winnings.)

Golden Corral serves tougher steaks than the Wolverines' schedule, and I'm hoping Michigan rolls into Columbus undefeated on Nov. 26.

Could you imagine how high its fans' hopes would be? I'm giddy just thinking about it. They might bring more than 50 people to Columbus this year. Watching Ohio State break them is going to be borderline erotic, and I mean that in a 100% literal sense.

When the Buckeyes are rolling in the fourth quarter and Michigan's 75 fans are getting heckled on their way to the exits, and a report comes across the police scanner about an unruly naked patron running amok at an east side Waffle House, just know I love you all and I will miss my job.

(If I couldn't bet on Ohio State, however, I'd put my money on Clemson because I love watching DeShaun Watson. He plays as if he doesn't know his destiny is to be a Cleveland Browns quarterback, and I respect the hell out of that.)

 ELEMENTARY STUDENT TAKES INJURED MAN UP TOP. I refuse to associate with anybody under the age of 20. For one, kids and #teens are outright reckless. Second, you don't know what they be knowing. (I think I gave an unemployed copy editor a stroke with that last sentence.)

Stephen Collier could've learned from me. The injured Ohio State quarterback took time out of his schooling and rehab to visit an elementary school, presumably because he had a death wish.

I would have grabbed that kid's cheeks like the handlebars on his shitty bike and said, "You and I both live with our moms, but you still have a curfew. So how much can you really know?" And left him to ponder the ultimate fragility of his little life.

The formula for compound interest? I learned it once. Probably registered somewhere between a 62% and a 76% on the final test too, which are high marks for a bad student in Marion, Ohio. But I since forgot it in an attempt to accrue a fortune by rambling on the internet. Math died with Steve Jobs, kids.

 MO C'S COME A LONG WAY. Jim Tressel released The Winner's Manual in 2008, but before that, it was a book he gave to his team every year to prepare them for the upcoming campaign.

Maurice Clarett still has his copy, though it's proof in how far he's come in his studies since 2002.

[NOTE: Clarett has since deleted this post, which is always a good way to destroy social media vultures like myself.]

 

That Gothic-styled "S" is taught to every school kid in America. My D.A.R.E. officer told my class it was a gang symbol, which only made me want to join this dangerous gang with obvious pizzaz.

But this is kinda heartbreaking in a way, as it shows how far Clarett was from Tressel's teachings during their historic 2002 run. The good news, however, is the teachings didn't evade him forever, even if it took a prison bid for them to catch up.

"Never will the struggle end," though? You don't get called "Master P" without first unraveling the game of life, folks. 

 WATCH A BUCKEYE FLY. College footballers are amazing athletes, but track speed is a different plane. Here's Ohio State freshman Nick Gray, originally from Pickerington, dusting the competition in the 100-meter dash at the Big Ten track finals:


My favorite part, other than him destroying a conference field as a freshman, is his casual admittance he didn't expect to win. Sounds like bad news for the Big Ten.

 DON'T DRINK RATTLER VENOM, PLEASE. Here's a wild study from Ohio State, which features a historical quarrel between northern California rattlesnakes and squirrels.

From washingtonpost.com:

Take, for example, the rattlesnakes and squirrels of northern California, combatants in a notoriously bitter conflict that has raged over centuries. Each species is armed to the teeth (literally). Squirrels team up to mob their rattlesnake predators, ward them off with bushy tails, and even chew up snake skin and rub it on their fur to confuse snakes trying to sniff them out (which is so meta). Snakes, meanwhile, perfect stealthy slithers and possess heat-sensing pits on their faces, not to mention incredibly toxic venom.

But, as is fitting for a savvy snake, a rattler uses its chief weapon as a scalpel, not a sledgehammer. [An Ohio State University] study published this week in the journal Proceedings of the Royal Society B found that California rattlesnakes’ venom is carefully calibrated to overcome the specific defenses raised by the squirrels in their region. As a result, the venom varies measurably from county to county, possibly even from one highway exit to the next. California snake venom is kind of like wine — it comes in regional varieties. None of which you want to be drinking.

The battle starts at birth, when squirrels begin creating anti-venom proteins that they pump into their blood stream, arming themselves for the day when a rattlesnake attacks. These proteins vary based on the environment — altitude, annual rainfall, type of vegetation — and on the venom of the snakes that live in the region.

Snakes terrify me, so I'm going to spend my Tuesday afternoon figuring out how to smuggle stone weapons to these squirrels because an underdog without a whoopin' cudgel is one of the world's biggest wastes.

 THOSE WMDs. Future not as cool as 1950 futurists thought... Science may hold the key to solving Rhoden murders... Manmade lake atop hilltop Czech tourist attraction... Berlin, shortly after the fall of the Third Reich... Before Biggie: Christopher Wallace's time in North Carolina.

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