Only 30 hours and 59 minutes remain until The Game. By this time tomorrow I'll be calling for the local team to win the big game by at least 24 points.
In the meantime, Black Friday reminds me not to have a kid. One moment you're pumping hundreds of adorable photos through social media, the next a stranger chokes you out on a Wal-Mart toy aisle floor in a video uploaded to WorldStar and shared 10,000 times because people revile poor folks.
I don't know how people weather it. Whitney asked me to go Black Friday shopping on Thanksgiving night, and that should be illegal because it projects to "Black Week" by 2030, where the viral fight videos will be annual Hunger Games.
This week's NSFW ANTI-WORK #BANGERS:
- Inglourious Basterds: Killing Nazis.
- Inglourious Basterds: Baseball bat refusal scene,
- Inglourious Basterds: Pub scene.
WEBER MATURATION. People forget Mike Weber originally committed to Michigan. It switched of course, and almost switched back, until the National Signing Day commitment of three-star running back Karan Higdon to Michigan blindsided him and sealed his Ohio State signature.
Weber earned buzz during fall camp before a torn meniscus set him back. Stuck behind Zeke, he earned a reputation as overweight, lazy, and petulant. Mick Marotti named him "Fat Mike," and Weber discussed transferring with Urban Meyer and Tony Alford, who replaced Stan Drayton, a key contributor to Weber's recruitment when Drayton took a job with the Chicago Bears.
The crossroads came when Weber almost threw fists with J.T. Barrett in the weight room.
Pete Thamel #banger alert on campusrush.com:
Weber tore his meniscus last August, an injury that sidelined him during fall camp and ultimately led to his redshirt. As Elliott blew up to become the No. 4 pick in the NFL draft, Weber wanted out. "I told coach I wanted to transfer," he says. "I was super close. I had talks with coach Meyer, coach Alford."
Meyer talked Weber back on board, and he and Marotti agreed they needed to get him to the off-season. That's where the development really began to unfold. Marotti paired Weber in a workout group with quarterback J.T. Barrett and a crew of ornery veterans. "I told him," Marotti says, "'We're only going to be as good as Fat Mike is going to be.'"
The turning point came in February. Weber leaned over exhausted in the weight room after enduring a punishment workout. Barrett saw Weber bent over "on the verge of giving up" and confronted him. Weber stepped into him, and the two nearly got in a fistfight. "I attacked him in the moment," Barrett says. And the quarterback delivered a clear message: "This is so much bigger than you. You want to be our running back?"
Yes, it's true: Sometimes you're your own worst enemy, and your support network is what makes the difference.
Weber went for 111 yards on 14 carries against Michigan State. Michigan is the superior defense in every statistic that matters, but I expect Meyer to dose the Wolverines with a rotational battering ram of Weber and Curtis Samuel.
EL CHALECO. Despite the impending American regime change, Jim Tressel, El Chaleco, La Don DaDa, remains as free and brazen as ever after escaping international prosecution for ***alleged*** war crimes.
Tressel, who still moonlights as Youngstown State president from outposts in the wilderness of Mahoning Valley, spoke with The New York Times about his life since refusing to snitch on his players for selling possessions they earned:
From newyorktimes.com:
Tressel says he still stayed in touch with Pryor, who this season has flourished as a wide receiver for Tressel’s favorite N.F.L. team, the Cleveland Browns.
“I just talked to him last night,” Tressel said. “I’m very proud of him. He’s gone through a lot of adversities.”
Tressel also speaks every Friday night with Mark Dantonio, Michigan State’s coach, who was an assistant on Tressel’s staff at both Youngstown State and Ohio State and who now employs Tressel’s nephew, Mike Tressel, as the Spartans’ co-defensive coordinator.
Unfortunately for the haters, the statute of limitations on the charges facing Tressel expires next month.
Though he claims coaching isn't in his future, it shouldn't stop Purdue from using their BTN allowance to attempt hiring hire Tressel—if it can't lock down the Warlock, of course.
Because I don't care what anyone says, it's one thing to say you're not interested in guaranteed millions of dollars; it's different to turn it down. (Source: I read a book on the subject once, which makes me an undisputed master of finance.)
HIT THEM WITH A SINK. Let Michigan players tell it, and they'll unleash every trick in their devious bag against Ohio State. While this game could change on an interception (or a notorious muffed punt), the stats say Ohio State will also have to open the play calling to not playing into everything Michigan does well on defense.
From landgrantholyland.com:
Without big advantages in really any statistical area, you'd expect the Buckeyes to play field position and count on maximizing scoring opportunities, but even there Michigan is dominant, ranking 14th in defensive starting field position and only allowing a national-best 2.67 points per scoring opportunity. The Buckeye offense also excels in those areas, but there is almost no evidence to suggest that a conservative, field-position based game will work against Michigan -- the Buckeyes will likely need to be aggressive in both play calling and when deciding whether to go for it on fourth down. Field goals and turnovers might end up deciding this game.
Michigan's defense, especially its secondary, is legit. Even a frosty-hearted hater like me can admit that.
But this will be the best offense Michigan has faced. Is Michigan the best defense Ohio State has faced? Maybe, but it looks akin to Wisconsin's and Penn State's defense.
Plus, this game is at home and not on the road at night against an opponent coming off a bye.
LAST UM QB TO WIN IN COLUMBUS. Pop quiz: Name the last Michigan quarterback to win in Columbus.
....
Ok, time's up. Drew Henson in 2000.
From detroitnews.com:
The last game of each season was essentially an Ohio State pep rally for the Buckeyes’ first game. The band would show up, the cheerleaders and Brutus Buckeye. The-OSU coach Jim Tressel also attended.
Buoyed by his performance in Ohio Stadium in 2000, Henson went bold with his walk-up song.
“I had them play The Victors for every at bat,” Henson said, laughing.
“They booed me every time.”
Here's a sign of how lopsided this rivalry has been: I did not remember the name of the last Michigan QB to win in Columbus. I was 13 at the time. I'm 29 right now.
Also, bold play to Henson trolling El Chaleco. He got a minor league walk-up song, Chaleco buried his family up and down Route 23 and achieved immortality.
GIVE CURTIS THE BALL. If the game is on the line, get the ball to the first Brooklynite to sign with Urban Meyer's Ohio State:
My sources say Demario McCall now the frontrunner for the 2016 Heisman. Samuel still deserves an invite, too.
THOSE WMDs. What happens after one, two, and three glasses of wine... Heartwarming: This super dad refuses to leave casino until he wins daughter's college fund back... That time the Packers drafted a serial killer... Barbie typewriter alphabet replacement cipher.
