Today's Skull Session is dedicated to the Fat Cat Diner in Lima, Ohio, which is still in the game taking punches.
It was worth enduring psychologically-damaging flashbacks to 8th grade at Lima South when an unknown assailant with mutant tendencies blocked my baseline jumper into another dimension. I can still hear my teammates laughing.
Fat Cat's chicken wrap was hench, though.
Word of the day: Elysium.
END THE INSANITY. People can call me "fanboy" like they're not reading the sports ramblings of a chimp that phished his neighbor's wifi. My stance on Terrelle Pryor is known: Ohio State should build a damn statue—including the tattooed sleeves—and put it next to Woody's statue outside the WHAC.
I said it in 2011. I said it again in 2014. And in 2016. I might as well go on record in 2017.
Thankfully another dustup occurred that my side can propagandize. Ohio State left Terrelle Pryor out of a hype reel showcasing the legacy of "the quarterback position" in Columbus.
It included convicted felon Art Schlichter, but not Terrelle Pryor.
Now, maybe this is an oversight. As a guy in the media, which is a singular criminal family, I can relate. You spend an afternoon whipping up a project and BuckNut420_BLAZEIT harpoons it with a timely "Well Actually."
Or, PERHAPS, Ohio State excluded Pryor, in a somewhat ironic twist of fate, due to the Scarlet Letter the NCAA placed over his captaincy patch back in 2011.
The dissociation is over, so it's not like there's a war tribunal awaiting anyone who includes a couple of his highlights from the litany of big wins the NCAA didn't wipe from our memories.
From theozone.net:
Instead, we see a highlight package of quarterbacks that features Art Schlichter, currently on the second half of 20 years in prison, and Kirk Herbstreit, who -- with all due respect -- threw five touchdowns and 11 interceptions in his career.
[...]
Given what has taken place in college athletics since Ohio State and Pryor went through their tattoo ordeal -- Penn State and Baylor, specifically -- are we seriously going to remain hung up on jerseys and tattoos? Especially when the punishments have run their course?
No, not everybody liked Pryor when he was at Ohio State. Hell, Pryor himself may not like who he used to be back then. But you know what? Not everybody liked Troy Smith and not everybody liked Joe Germaine.
Sure, the Heisman is cool, but recruits were five years old when Smith won. Do you remember what you were doing when you were five? Only if you were a liar who inexplicably lies about remembering their life as a five-year-old.
Pryor is still balling, and he's about to get paid! There's no reason to exclude him from propaganda.
ONE BUCKEYE LEGEND REPLACES ANOTHER? I'm at the age now (30) where the decay of my body finally caught up with three-decade rotting of my mind, so anybody older than me still playing pro sports might as well be a Greek God.
If titans did walk amongst us, perhaps they would look like Nick Mangold. The 33-year-old Kettering native made the Pro Bowl in 2016. However, he isn't getting younger and will cost the Jets $9 million in 2017.
Mangold wants to stay a Jet, but if it comes to it, the organization could tap his alma mater for his replacement.
From ganggreennation.com:
It's been a while since we've even had to consider the center position for the Jets, since being drafted in 2006 out of Ohio State, Nick Mangold has been the consistent reliable lineman performing year in and year out. Unfortunately his play deteriorated last year and he was banged up towards the end of the year. The Jets must consider life after Mangold and Pat Elflein in my very humble opinion, is the perfect replacement.
You could plug Pat into the lineup from day one and he's be in the top 15 at his position in year one. I'm pretty confident in saying that. You could play him at guard and he's be comfortable too. He has the intelligence, the balance, the power and the hands to be a starting center in this league for the next 10 years. There is never a guaranteed pick in the NFL, but personally...I'd say this is the safest pick in the draft.
Well actually, the safest pick in the draft is that whomever the Browns select at No. 1 will be a bust. The author's point still stands, however. Fans don't get jacked up about interior lineman picks, but a smart team is going to look smart by drafting him.
GENE REALLY GOING TO DO IT. Well, folks, it's actually happening. Our good friend Gene Smith is really heading to the big time and joining the playoff committee.
From dispatch.com:
"People can argue with the BCS system, and it was flawed, but it was a major step in the trajectory to continue to improve the way to name a national champion," Smith said.
Now humans make the call on the final four. Smith, who previously was on the selection committee for the NCAA basketball tournament and served as its chairman, understands the responsibility.
"I am going to be watching teams, but I am not going in with any preconceived notions," Smith said. "I think right now it would be totally inappropriate to talk about what I am going to use as my criteria. I've got a lot to learn from the guys who are in the room."
Michigan fans say Smith might not favor OSU (he'll have to leave the room when the committee discusses the local team) but no bylaws prevent him from pillaging the Wolverines.
Would Smith be petty enough to keep Michigan out of the playoffs? Buddy, I wish. Though if Michigan ever did get "snubbed," we can remind the Blue noses their coach shouldn't have been talking shit:
Good to see Director Smith being relevant again after the tattoo fiasco. Welcome back!
— Coach Harbaugh (@CoachJim4UM) March 23, 2016
Again, Tatgate wasn't a fiasco. It was a coup d'état orchestrated by the deep state to diplomatically put Jim Tressel out to pasture and crown Urban Meyer, who is now 5-0 against Michigan and 2-0 against Harbaugh.
CRY MORE, TEACH. The University of Cincinnati Board of Trustees brought out their Brinks truck to pry Luke Fickell from Ohio State because it figured out you can pay the top rate for a quality coach like Fickell or try to go the hustle route and pay millions of dollars to a con artist like Tommy Tuberville.
Schools pay good coaches because good football teams increase the school's profile. An increased profile leads to more applications, which leads to higher standards and more money. These numbers aren't charity; they're ruthlessly negotiated by professionals.
Which means Fickell is more valuable to the university than the president, Neville G. Pinto, a guy I definitely didn't have to just google. This is an obvious breeding ground for societal #takes.
From cincinnati.com (via 11Wer Sonofbuck).
The UC Board of Trustees approved the two contracts at a Tuesday meeting. Pinto will earn about $3.3 million and Fickell will earn about $11 million through 2021. Fickell's contract extends through 2022 and he will make $2.4 million that year.
“This disparity in pay represents upside down priorities,” said John McNay, president of Ohio Conference of the American Association of University Professors. “We’re supposed to be institutions of education and to be throwing so much money at athletics is just irresponsible.”
McNay said students come to UC for education, which the president controls, and that’s where the investments should be made.
A rising tide lifts all ships, but somebody needs to tell these professors to let us know when they sell out Nippert Stadium to 40,000 people wanting to watch their students take exams. At the end of the day, there are a lot more academics that could president the university than lead it to a Belk Bowl win over Duke.
For it to be any other way would require an entire and instantaneous reversal of societal reality. Anybody familiar with reality knows that ain't happening, especially when it comes to people being more interested in the good football plays than watching a non-scripted version of America's Next Middle Manager.
ACTUALLY, YES, I DID SEE THAT. Perhaps you saw the latest feel-good viral sensation of 2017 about the young Marionaire who DMed the Marion Police Department for math homework help on The Marion Star, CNN, Yahoo, ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX, Police One, Mashable, BBC, or Buzzfeed.
Now the haters say, "Oh, BTW, they forgot the 'M' in 'PEMDAS.'" They should know talking like a sphinx is a felony in my presence.
In the City, which is what we "in the biz" call it, we have a saying: "'Bout right." It's a statement and a lifestyle. Marion's finest didn't get it wrong. They got it 'bout right, and that's all that matters.
THOSE WMDs. The long, strange trip of Chester Cornett... Texas Monthly editor walks back comments about longform journalism... The unimaginable, infamous case of Pam Hupp... The heroism of incremental care... Mike Piazza bought an Italian soccer club.
