Hot Take of the Day: Any March Madness without Ohio State is an unwatchable abomination to the Basketball Gods. One of the best perks of working from home is not having to deal with coworkers trying to rope me into some bracket Ponzi scheme. If I want to watch future accountants chuck last-gasp three-pointers, I can do that without any commercial interruption at any area high school.
Thanks, though, Randy. As always. Yeah, we'll totally have to get those Applebee's appetizers one day after work, man. Totally.
ICYMI:
- The men's basketball team didn't make the N.I.T. Thad Matta's 20-win season streak is over.
- Philly Brown to the Buffalo Bills.
- Latest look at Ohio State's roster in its quest to the NCAA-mandated 85-scholarship cap.
- Urban Meyer and Greg Schiano believe Chris Worley is the man to replace Raekwon McMillan.
- Help put a statue of Woody Hayes in his hometown of Newcomerstown, Ohio.
Word of the Day: Shibboleth.
OSU: FOOTBALL SCHOOL. Every year Urban Meyer and Ohio State put on a Student Appreciation Day despite the students' notoriously fickle football attendance.
This year's will be the sixth such production of the Meyer regime. Meyer is a man in constant evaluation of every inch of his program, so it's no surprise he's adding to the pizzaz of this year's appreciation day with some things straight out of the "How to Market to Millennials" handbook.
From Nicholas McWilliams of The Lantern:
There are plans for a DJ, in addition to free subs and ice cream sandwiches provided by Meijer, along with water bottles with gift cards enclosed. There is the possibility of a giveaway to a select number of the first students in attendance, although more details should arise closer to the event.
There will be competitions held after practice has concluded such as the fastest student event, along with designated areas where students can have their picture taken with the national championship trophy and Brutus. Students can also have their picture taken with band equipment and football gear like shoulder pads and helmets.
An expected Snapchat filter and hashtag will be implemented closer to the date of the event, and students will be chosen at random from a to-be-determined Twitter hashtag to win prizes.
A Snapchat filter would make me want to stay away from the event, but again, they ain't marketing to washed clowns like me.
Student Appreciation Day is scheduled for April 8th, per The Lantern, though we await an official announcement from the program.
HANKINS WATCHES MARKET EVAPORATE. Former Ohio State defensive tackle Johnathan Hankins hit the open market looking for a lucrative payday. (Hey, aren't we all?)
Unfortunately for the earth-eating defensive tackle, his list of potential suitors all looked elsewhere to plug the middle of their defenses.
From elitesportsny.com:
While names continue to come off the board, the incumbent Giants’ starter remains available. The Denver Broncos, a team Hankins had been tied too, recently picked up two defensive tackles themselves. Domata Peko and Zach Kerr both got two-year pacts to head to the Mile High City.
The lack of traction on Hankins may indicate the Ohio State product is simply over valuing himself. If Big Hank is holding out for a Damon Harrison type of pay day he won’t see it this offseason.
In 2014, Hankins had a dominant campaign, putting up 51 tackles and seven sacks in 16 games played, but last season his numbers regressed. After missing seven games and landing on the injured reserve with a torn pectoral muscle in 2015, he didn’t look like the same player when returning the following year. Hankins played a full 16 game schedule in 2016, but registered only 43 tackles and three sacks.
This clears the way for Hankins to return to the New York Giants, albeit at a lesser price than he probably envisioned. Still, he is somehow only 24 years old. That's good news for somebody who will need a bounce-back year in 2017.
FILTHY BIRDS TRY TO TRADE ONE OF THE FLOCK. The NFL is a ruthless league where one year's Pro Bowler is next year's unemployed millionaire with an Oxycontin problem.
Malcolm Jenkins has been with the Philadelphia Eagles since 2014 and is a perennial Pro Bowler. Yet the Eagles tried to pawn him back to the New Orleans Saints in a deal for New Orleans Saints wide receiver Brandin Cooks.
From profootballtalk.com:
Per a source with knowledge of the situation, the Eagles offered safety Malcolm Jenkins, a third-round pick, and a fourth-round pick for Cooks. The Saints wanted a second-round pick plus Jenkins.
Cooks is nice, but I'd still be salty my team tried to trade me for a guy who spelled it "Brandin."
DON'T CRY FOR COLLIER. Why so much NFL free agency talk today? Because Ohio State football is on spring break.
Stephen Collier retired from football and will have a volunteer role this fall. This week, however, he's down in Cancun, Mexico:
Currently pic.twitter.com/n4f02AwoZL
— Stephen Collier (@S13Collier) March 12, 2017
Reminder to anyone traveling this week: Federal law requires you to upload at least three pictures of any vacation. Failure to do so can result in a prison sentence of three to 35 years.
(No, I'm not bitter about this shitty turn of weather in Ohio. Why do you ask?)
CHICKEN WARS COME TO HIGH STREET. When I drove 30 hours from Montana to partake in Mirror Lake 2006, my friend took me to Raisin' Canes. Since then, it's been the undisputed chicken kingpin on High Street, even going as far to move into the old Potbelly's on 11th Ave.
But now a new challenger rises in the North:
The game has changed in Columbus pic.twitter.com/ByctSeP9R4
— Billy (@BillyDeniro3) March 12, 2017
Cane's got so gassed up it became overrated, though their Texas Toast remains supreme. Chik-Fil-A just opened in Troy, Ohio, USA.
If the one on 17th moves half as swift as the one in Troy, Cane's may have met its match.
THOSE WMDs. NFL abuse of painkillers and other drugs described in lawsuit... I like my things... Elton John travels the world searching for Tech N9ne albums... George Saunders: What writers really do when they write... Iditarod competitor who lost everything finds solace in Alaska.
