Hell, it's Tuesday. The weekly paycheck already being in the hands of the patriots at the United States Postal Service refreshes the gentle laborer.
ICYMI:
- Jake Metzer, a former Penn State commit and No. 2 college transfer punter in the country, accepted an Ohio State walk-on offer.
- The NCAA approved an early signing period, which Urban Meyer loathes. (11W's Andrew Lind looked at how this could affect local recruiting back in October.)
- Film Study: Defensive metrics coaches say matter most.
- Better know a Buckeye: Five-star wide receiver Trevon Grimes.
- Help put a life-size statue of Woody Hayes in his hometown of Newcomerstown, Ohio.
Word of the Day: Cordon.
BUCKEYE BANKS BOOMING. Recruits can talk about a school's education, slides, history, alumni connections, etc. At the end of the day, nothing talks like two commas in a bank account.
If recruits dream of playing in the NFL, they can accomplish that elsewhere. But the the cash flowing into bank accounts of recent Buckeyes can't be ignored.
From cleveland.com:
Ohio State looks like it will have another big NFL Draft class next year, which could push the Buckeyes well over $200 million in NFL contracts over three years. Here's the combined contract total thus far for the 2016 and 2017 NFL Draft classes:
$173,335,976
My favorite part about this is Meyer and his staff have developed pros at EVERY position. Local alumnus Cardale Jones leading Bills Mafia to the Super Bowl in February will be the crown jewel on his pinkie ring.
HUBBARD BANKS ON HIMSELF. If Sam Hubbard wanted, he would be on an NFL roster right now.
Instead, Hubbard returned to school to finish his finance degree and perfect his craft.
From dispatch.com:
“I’m on track to graduate, finish my degree; I’m upping my game at a quick rate with (line) coach (Larry) Johnson,” Hubbard said. “He is going to take my game to another level, and that’s what I really want to do. Another year is really going to benefit me.”
Hubbard did make pre-draft inquiries, however, through the connections that Johnson and OSU’s football performance director Mickey Marotti have with NFL scouts about improvements in his game that they would like to see.
“They just said that on pass-rushing moves, setting up (opponents) with some power, and then flipping your hips better,” Hubbard said. “It’s just all hips and hands.”
It's funny because hips and hands would rank far down the list of physical qualities of the stereotypical defensive end. That speaks to level Hubbard aspires to hone his craft.
I will always respect players who bet on their talent and declare early. That will never be disrespect to players who finish their degree and perfect their craft in college.
TALLADEGA TIDE TATTOO TANTAMOUNT TO TREASON. Tattoos are great because you can be a divorcee estranged to your kids en route to a 10-year insurance fraud bid and see a grotesque tattoo adorning somebody's shitty body and say, "Well, at least I didn't make decisions like that in my life."
Sports tattoos usually confirm the thesis of my future doctorate: Sports fandom is worse for the human brain than hardcore street narcotics.
The latest example, via CBS Sports:
We could sit here all day peeling this man's psychological profile like FBI profilers. I just want to know why it looks like Nick Saban has a damn goatee. And I'm going to need that answer before lunch, which I eat every Tuesday at 11 a.m.
At this fella is also a fan of Raekwon McMillan. Hopefully that saves his soul from eternal damnation upon the ultimate judgement of the Big Nut in the Sky.
BET: BRIAN KELLY WALKS THE PLANK. People think sports only warp the minds of fans. Not true. Coaches are also prone to this phenomenon.
Brian Kelly went 4-8 last year at Notre Dame. Yet this petulant purple penis would have us believe "it's all good."
From collegesports.ap.org:
It can be argued that no seat in college football gets hotter than the one on which the head coach of Notre Dame sits. But no one believes in Kelly's ability fix the Fighting Irish and deal with the weekly referendum that will be this football season more than ... Brian Kelly.
"I use the analogy, if you're a really good hitter and you're in the major leagues and you have one year when you fall below, you make a couple of adjustments, you take some BP, you have a good offseason and you start hitting again," Kelly said in an interview with The Associated Press the day before spring practice ended for the Fighting Irish last month. "I'm going to hit again. I know how to coach."
Kelly has reason to feel good about betting on himself. Last season was just the second in 27 years as a head coach in which he had a losing record. The other came in his first season rebuilding Central Michigan. In his previous six seasons at Notre Dame, Kelly was 55-23 with an appearance in the national championship game — a season that has now been vacated by the NCAA for rules violations.
Prediction: Notre Dame is bad this year and Kelly loses his job.
Parlay: Irish athletic director Jack Swarbuck's first call will be to Ohio State defensive coordinator Greg Schiano.
McELWAIN: I DID NOT SEXUAL RELATION THAT SHARK. The offseason is Hell. But... the offseason... it is also good.
Consider this tweet from somebody purportedly famous in Britain:
So my tweet went viral about the SHARK HUMPER and it seems it's #FloridaGators coach #JimMcElwain OMG...abusing a dead helpless animal..sad pic.twitter.com/9lev0C17Rn
— Anneka Svenska (@AnnekaSvenska) May 8, 2017
Is that SHARK HUMPER actually Florida coach Jim McElwain? It's tough to say.
Jim McElwain says that's not him nude and humping a shark: https://t.co/ZTpeBtfT1N pic.twitter.com/4gugYZjsDn
— Deadspin (@Deadspin) May 8, 2017
Good news: Florida coach Jim McElwain didn't hump a shark. Bad news: The psychopath that did is still at large.
THOSE WMDs. The superfood gold rush... This man was sentenced to life on a faulty conviction—now he's getting out... Malibu's lost boys... A sniper's bullet and a long recovery... Playing Doc's games... Richard Simmons sues National Enquirer... What's next for Army?
