ICYMI:
- Ohio State's football APR is up to 975.
- The five indispensable players of the 2017 season.
- Help put a life-size statue of Woody Hayes in his hometown of Newcomerstown, Ohio.
Word of the Day: Infelicitous.
ZEKE: NOT A GREAT GOLFER. There are three surefire ways to make even the most athletic person (like, say, Ezekiel Elliott) look unathletic:
- Throwing a baseball
- Beach volleyball
- Golf
No. 1 is always the most mystifying to me. I don't know why so many people struggle to throw a baseball. Not saying I could fire a strike after 9-11 while wearing a bullet proof vest like George Bush, but I could at least get it to the plate.
I'm convinced even LeBron James would look unathletic if he played beach volleyball. Sure, he'd be good if he practiced, but he hasn't.
Golfing may be the hardest of the three. Hitting a tiny ball with a club seems like a walk on some freshly mowed grass. But it takes considerable skill just to avoid looking like somebody fresh off hip surgery.
A couple days after smashing a derby winner dinger, even Elliott fell into the trap.
Zeke with his golf swing at Cowboys' annual offseason golf tournament: pic.twitter.com/VffAWgebqq
— Brandon George (@DMN_George) May 10, 2017
It's comforting to know Zeke is a human and at least bad at one sport. That's the best news NFL defenses have heard since the Cowboys drafted him.
I'm also a little salty I didn't get an invite to party with Zeke and John Daly afterward:
#CowboysNation if this picture doesn't make your day we don't know what will. pic.twitter.com/FxZlfRvj8F
— Dallas Cowboys (@dallascowboys) May 10, 2017
ADAMS WARRIORS UP. American Ninja Warrior took the bright lights of its famous obstacle course to Cleveland this week. One person looking to make it onto the show was former Ohio State and Pittsburgh Steelers offensive lineman Mike Adams.
Adams is retired and moving on to the next stage of his life.
From landgrantholyland.com:
LGHL: Have you been a big Ninja Warrior fan for a while? Do you think this is something you’d like to do? Not a ton of competitors have the “former NFL lineman” body type, after all.
Adams: Yeah, I’ve watched it here and there over the years. Obviously, as an athlete, it’s a pretty interesting show, it’s pretty different from anything else that you really get to see. But yeah, this isn’t really conducive to my size quite yet. Maybe if I shed a couple more pounds.
LGHL: Are you healthy right now? Do you think you’d want to give the NFL another shot?
Adams: Yeah, I’m completely healthy right now, but i’m retired. I’m looking forward to the next chapter in life.
After Armani Reeves tried out last summer, we're slowly building enough contestants for my spinoff, The Next Buckeye Warrior. Where does Eddie George stack up against Joey Galloway in 2017? Find out on the next episode.
BTN producers: I'll be sitting next to my phone all day waiting for that call.
SOONERS TO BIG TEN? Folks! It's with a heavy heart I inform you college football is back on its bullshit. Conference realignment rumors are back (or at this point, did they ever leave?).
One columnist says don't sleep on the possibility of Oklahoma to the Big Ten.
From newsok.com:
My Big Ten professor says that OU and Nebraska are “virtually identical” academically. I don't know if that's true. But the professor said that if Big Ten presidents “view Nebraska, with their level of academics, as someone with whom they wish to associate, I cannot imagine why Oklahoma would not be a school that they would welcome.”
Like I wrote the other day. OU's preference is to remain in the Big 12 and for the Big 12 to thrive. But if change is coming, don't sleep on the Big Ten.
Nebraska will look prescient at the end of this because I look at the Big 12 as a dead conference walking. Short of Nebraska returning to the fold (never going to happen), it doesn't have a course-altering hire out there. A school like Houston would only go so far.
They also sit on a football recruiting wasteland, which is bad news for your bread-winning product.
Don't let Jim Delany poach Oklahoma and/or Texas from the Big 12 if another round of vulturing comes into play. They may put a statue of him in Chicago.
McELWAIN DEFENDS HIMSELF AGAINST SHARK HUMPING ALLEGATIONS. I can't stop laughing about the puerile meme of this nude fella who looks a lot like Florida coach Jim McElwain.
For a refresher, I'll spare you the middle-aged man ass on this early morning:
Again: It sure looks a lot like McElwain and his big-toothed smile. McElwain clarified Thursday that he was not the nude man humping a shark.
From deadspin.com:
THOMPSON: You’ve become part of this big, viral photo.
MCELWAIN: Sure.
THOMPSON: I mean, what’s your feeling on this situation?
MCELWAIN: Well, first and foremost, I don’t know who it is, but it isn’t me.
[Long pause]
THOMPSON: Clearly. I mean, what’s your feeling in general, just that something like this could even get out there and become a story?
MCELWAIN: I guess that’s for you guys to answer. You know, in the world we live, what is a story? I just know this: It isn’t me.
"You've become part of this big, viral photo."
"Sure."
You can almost feel the heat from McElwain's eyes in that moment. My new nightmare is waking up to a photo of my doppelgänger (which, let people tell it, there about 2,000 walking this earth) humping a dead animal.
NOTRE DAME MAY BE GOOD THIS YEAR? Notre Dame went 4-8 last year, a fact which may end up on my tombstone depending on how my life shakes out.
The venerable Bill Connelly says get those jokes out now because Notre Dame is headed for a rebound.
From sbnation.com:
It’s really easy to talk yourself into a significant Irish bounce back in 2017, in other words, and the numbers have your back if you choose to do so. S&P+ projects Notre Dame 17th in the country, and despite a schedule that features five opponents projected 27th or better (and only one projected worse than 76th), the Irish are the projected favorite in nine games and are expected to win eight on average.
This is all well and good. But it’s hard to forget that Notre Dame was projected 11th, with a likely 9-3 record, last year. The Irish underachieved the rating by a little and the record by a lot. And seasons that are disappointing to this degree are hard to overcome.
I wrote in last year’s preview that, in overcoming quarterback injury and remaining in the Playoff hunt all the way to the end of the year, Brian Kelly had pulled off his best coaching performance in 2015. He followed that up with his worst. His recent performances have flipped as significantly as his close-game fortune. Can they both flip back this fall?
I hope Irish fans don't think their team can lose four games this year and everyone is going to say "Wow, it switched back. Notre Dame is good again."
Watching Brian Kelly take four Ls would still be considered a real good time.
THOSE WMDs. An R-rated guide to Disneyland... Online shopping makes suckers of us all... Lonely Rust Belt women... Insidious rise of the microcelebrity... Homicides spike in Columbus.
