Skull Session: Friday Night Lights, Terry McLaurin Talks Nike Internship, and Hugh Freeze Takes It on the Chin

By D.J. Byrnes on July 21, 2017 at 4:59 am
Johnnie Dixon eyes the July 21 2017 Skull Session
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When I tell folks in Western Ohio that I blog for a living, they usually squint like I told them I moonlight as a warlock to earn currency.

After clarifying the difference between Eleven Warriors and elven warriors, I usually brush them off with, "We cover all Ohio State athletics and Columbus in general." 

But I always leave out magical days like July 21 2017 when I can pontificate on a married Mississippian who lost his multi-million dollar job because he dialed hooker services on his work phone.

Today's goal is walking into your boss' office with the unearned arrogance of Kentucky football and demanding a raise:

This is the equivalent of walking into my parents house after my freshman year of college, posting my .7 GPA on the fridge and screaming "Keep doubting us!"

That chip on the shoulder routine is a young man's game. The power move is finding motivation from a deeper place than "people doubt a program that hasn't won a conference championship since 1976 will make the playoffs."

ICYMI:

  • Ohio State opens Urban Meyer's sixth preseason camp in July 27. (Which means you can find me in Put-in-Bay on August 5th. Gotta get my mind right for the four and a half month slog of providing local fans the content they love to know. Let me know if you have a death wish and want to hang with the Marion Syndicate.)
  • The 2017 media guys may offer hints into a subtle uniform change.
  • Help put a life-size statue of Woody Hayes in his hometown of Newcomerstown, Ohio. 

Word of the Day: Inimical.

 INTRO TO THE 1ST ITEM (ALL CAPS). The big news of the day is Friday Night Lights, Ohio State's annual extravaganza, rolls into the Horseshoe tonight.

My three wise cats tell me they'd be shocked if the local team didn't earn multiple commitments from talented teens. Andrew Ellis detailed possible commitments yesterday, and Andrew Lind fleshed it out last night's Hurry Up.

Be sure to follow Lind, Ellis, 11W, and 11W Recruiting on Twitter for up-to-the-minute updates from the Shoe.

And I hope Urban Meyer doesn't green light me for this, but I cannot recommend attending FNL unless you're a devout recruitnik, looking to spend a summer night in the Shoe, or enjoy music blared through a public address system. The action moves too quick and is too far away.

I would recommend sitting at home and refreshing Eleven Warriors dot com every 30 seconds for the latest recruiting news.

 McLAURIN TALKS INTERNSHIP. Urban Meyer makes it clear: If you come to Ohio State and handle your business off the field, the university will do all in its power to connect you with internships at America's largest corporations.

Terry McLaurin worked at Nike this summer and talked about the experience in a video released Thursday afternoon:


I'm so deprived of local football, I watch something like that and think, "Did they teach ya how to cook a DB on a fly route? BECAUSE WE NEED THAT DEEP THREAT THIS YEAR."

Does that make me a pile of garbage? Your mistake is thinking I don't realize that. Your second mistake is thinking I care.

 ATTENTION WHORE GETS ATTENTION. I understand why Minnesota took a flier on P.J. Fleck. He is already the most exciting Minnesota coach in my lifetime.

Unfortunately for the Gophers, their new frontman blocked me on Twitter and thus condemned himself to mediocrity. Which, in his defense, would probably earn a statue outside whatever Minnesota calls its stadium these days.

Until then, Fleck will try to build hype around his program. His next step is a four-part documentary from the same producers that tried humanizing Bert.

I won't watch any carefully orchestrated Fleck propaganda. I will watch Minnesota games because every opposing coach will try to smoke him by 50.

The Gophers' ceiling is sacrificial lamb status in the Big Ten title game, and that might be enough to earn Fleck a job offer from a more prestigious school. His players would be wise to remember how quick he dipped on Western Michigan when the money was right. He definitely doesn't plan on retiring in Minneapolis (not that I blame him).

 GOOD LORD MISSISSIPPI. What I respect about Ole Miss is it cheated and everybody knew it. What I don't respect about Ole Miss is it cheated and couldn't make an SEC championship game. At least Vanderbilt plays school well.

The Rebels'—perhaps that was our first clue; they made a mascot out of traitorous clowns whose greatest talent was exploiting slave labor—their problems got worse Thursday night when their coach resigned amid hooker allegations. 

From yahoo.com:

In a stunning turn of events, Hugh Freeze has resigned from Ole Miss on Thursday. The move comes after the school found at least one call from the coach to an escort service on his school-issued cell phone.

Yahoo Sports first inquired last week with Freeze and athletic director Ross Bjork about a call at 8:34 p.m. on Jan. 21, 2016, to a Detroit number that is linked via various websites to a Florida-based escort. Freeze told Yahoo last Friday that the call had been brought to Ole Miss administrators’ attention by former coach Houston Nutt’s attorney, Thomas Mars, and that they had questioned him about it. Freeze told Yahoo he had no idea why the call was on his phone records.

“I’ve got no idea, to be honest,” Freeze said. “I was in an 813 area code and that was a 313 number, I think that might have been a misdial. I don’t think there was even a conversation. There’s nothing to it.”

Freeze resigned before curiously enlisting the pocket dial defense:

That defense sounds entirely plausible... if only cellphone records weren't a thing.

Add this to the long list of American figures who didn't understand the best way to handle a scandal is to keep it real. "I got horny and realized I had enough money to pay for sex. This is an issue between my wife and me. I slept on the garage floor last night with a Drake playlist on repeat. Please respect my privacy," is a statement that would have resonated with at least 69% of Americans. We'll forgive anything as long as you keep it real and don't bullshit.

And cellphones—I show my age calling them cellphones instead of, you know, phones—are amazing inventions up until a trained investigator pulls your records from your provider via subpoena. Then they become a liability detailing your entire life. Calls, texts, 3 a.m. PornHub preferences, location—it's all there.

A millionaire having hookers on speed dial doesn't interest me. There's a reason sex work is the world's oldest profession, and it's not because beautiful women enjoy sex with slovenly middle-aged men.

What intrigues me is how the kingpin of a lightweight backwoods crime empire didn't understand how incriminating employer phones could be. 

If you're an adult that pays another adult for sex, you better at least win a championship. Just look at Rick Pitino.

I also demand to know how Houston Nutt knew about Freeze's hooker habit. Nutt basically just wrecked the life of a guy for the sin of accepting a job he couldn't handle. If I had money like that, I'd be on a beach drinking liquor out of a coconut.

Regardless, I would like to offer my criminal consulting services to shady college football coaches.

I watched The Wire and graduated in eight years from the world-renowned Twitter Law School. For a low fee of $500,000 a year, I will explain burner phones to your millionaire coach, and why it's a bad idea to communicate with shady boosters via a public email address. 

 THOSE WMDs. Wax museums are a scam... How the warlord who controls Chechnya uses sports to rule... Giant squads, giant eyes, but rather small brain lobes... The teenage whaler's tale... The many identities of Andrew Cunanan, Gianni Versace's murderer.

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