Skull Session: Duane Washington Jr. is Extremely Fun, NCAA Tournament Simulations, and Chris Holtmann's Mom's Viral Text

By Kevin Harrish on March 15, 2021 at 5:20 am
My future tattoo.
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This is March.

I know how y'all like to make me look dumb, so go ahead and enter our Tournament Challenge pool to compete against me for a chance to win a piece of hardwood signed by Buckeye legend William Buford and a $150 gift card to Eleven Warriors Dry Goods.

It's normally good business for the staff to exempt themselves from winning any prizes, but I'm telling you right now that if I somehow emerge victorious, I will not-so-graciously accept the spoils.

Word of the Day: Mooring.

 BOOMSHAKALAKA. I've been pretty unabashed about my Duane Washington Jr. love for quite a while now, but it's well past time for him to start getting his damn respect as the legitimate star he is – not just a fun player I like because he plays with a confidence and swagger unmatched by anybody not named J.R. Smith.

He's been quietly incredible all season (as "quiet" as almost 16-points a game can be, I guess), but he was on an absolute heater this tournament, breaking multiple Big Ten Tournament scoring records in the process.

He was so good, he almost made my jackass online antics look seer-like.

The narrative about this Ohio State team for a solid chunk of this season was that it was just a solid all-around team with a bunch of good pieces and no true stars outside of possibly E.J. Liddell. But that just ain't true.

Duane Washington Jr. is absolutely a star, and he's already proven capable of absolutely carrying a team in the postseason. He's a no-doubt NBA player in my mind. At this point, I'm just praying he sticks around to compete for the damn Naismith next year.

 FUN WITH SIMULATIONS. Ohio State may be coming off a simulated national title last season, but it looks like the computers aren't anywhere near as kind to the Buckeyes this year.

It would seem that the computers are underestimating Duane Washington Jr.'s heat streak. That's fine. They'll come around once he drops 38 points on Baylor in the Elite 8.

 “I COULD HEAR THE EYE ROLL.” Duane Washington Jr. dropped 92 points in four games this weekend, and he still wasn't the biggest and most interesting storyline of the Big Ten Tournament.

That honor went to Patty Holtmann, who sent her son some unsolicited – but greatly appreciated! – advice ahead of the Big Ten Tournament. And she told The Athletic all about it.

“I could hear the eye roll,’’ Patty says with a laugh. It is Sunday morning and she is sitting in a Subway restaurant in Indianapolis with her daughter-in-law, Lori, granddaughter, Nora, husband, John and Lori’s parents, Steve and Phyllis Bedi. A day earlier, Chris did a screenshot of the text exchange with his mother and shared it on his Twitter account. “Even Moms have tips when you drop a couple.’’ Patty went a little viral, more than 15,000 liking her son’s tweet, and another 1,200 sharing it. Wearing a red vest and a grin as she killed time before the Buckeyes’ Big Ten tournament title game against Illinois, Patty rolls her own eyes at her newfound fame. “Don’t know what he’s thinking lately,’’ she says with a laugh. “That’s the first time I ever sent him pointers like that.’’

...

Old fanhood behavior, though, dies hard and while Patty is a mom first, she can’t help herself. All of those years in the gym have turned her into a septuagenarian analyst. “I yell things about substitutions sometimes,’’ she says. “Put Musa in!’ Things like that.’’ Watching the Buckeyes’ loss to Illinois, in which Ohio State missed its final 10 shots, she worried that a team, known for its offense, would get demoralized with so many misses. She shared her worries with John, as well as her observation that it didn’t seem like the Buckeyes were using their legs. “Why don’t you tell him?” John suggested.

“So I did,’’ Patty says. “I usually send compliments, not tips.’’ After Chris’ response, she and John decided to have a little fun. “OK ur welcome, Chris!” she wrote back. “We’ll send more.’’

"We'll send more."

The rest of the tournament field is officially on notice.

 YOU HAD ONE JOB. It's a widely documented fact that the NCAA hates fun of all kinds and sorts.

Still, I hoped without hope that they would do the obviously correct thing and match up No. 1 seed Michigan against No. 16 seed Appalachian State. But as is custom, they ruined everything.

Now I'm just going to have to watch Michigan lose to Mount St. Mary's or Texas Southern in the first round instead. Lame.

 SONG OF THE DAY. "Everlong" by Foo Fighters.

 NOT STICKING TO SPORTS. They accused a man of sexual assault in a small west Texas town, but that was only the beginning... An allegedly drunk Alaska Airlines passenger faces a $250,000 fine for behavior he claims not to remember... Scientists want to send a bunch of sperm to the Moon... The world just moved even closer to a real, working warp drive... Why does California have so many unsolved cases and serial killers?... “Underwater Roombas” are sucking up decades of human waste in the Pacific...

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Ohio State Blows Out Indiana, 38-15, for Second Top-Five Win of Season

Josh Fryar

Prognosticating: Indiana

Dry Goods Contest
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