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The crowd was getting anxious. Thirst, fear, and panic was beginning to set in as Buckeye nation suddenly found themselves scrounging in the dirt for something to hold on to, something to justify what had become a thoroughly mediocre season. What will they find at the end of this dusty, disappointing trail? Failure? Roses? Assorted citrus? A bloomin' onion?
Or perhaps... victory. Dignity. Hope. On Saturday, with a team reeling from an incredibly stupid loss, the 2015 Ohio State Buckeye will have a chance to redeem themselves against the only opponent that's ever mattered. All they have to do is to pick themselves off the mat, dust off their pride and ego, and march into a literal pit to defeat a milk-obsessed weirdo and his cabal of traitors and demons.
But who will lead us there? Me? Michael? Nay, for we are but humble bloggers with bad backs and a shared love of cult 90's comedy shows. Instead, this week a weary Ohio State fanbase turns it's eye toward Beanie Wells, adorned with his many Wolverine pelts.
In the three games that Beanie played against Michigan, he ran for 412 yards and almost 7 yards per carry. That includes the 2006 game where he broke off a tone-setting breakaway touchdown and the 2008 game where Ohio State had their way with a befuddled Michigan defense. But 2007 is the true masterpiece, as it is the pinnacle of Tresselball. 279 yards of offense on 72 total plays. 59 rushing attempts. Beanie himself had 39 for 222 yards. It was a horrible, awful, amazing game where Big Ten football became a Rorschach test of whether you can find beauty in the bottom of a pig's trough.
Well I can, jerks! And in this season of Thanksgiving, I thank Beanie Wells for showing us the true meaning of three yards and a cloud of dust. We're happy to have him on the Dubcast.
And Matt Finkes (boy, is he mad) with Finkes On Football! You ask us weird and wonderful questions in Ask Us Anything! Let's do this!
Here’s how everything went down:
0:27- Alright, that sucked. But we dare not dwell on such suckiness, because the great task that lies before must be addressed. Namely: beating the crap out of Jim Harbaugh and the Wolverines.
18:55- Ask Us Anything gets down to the nitty gritty, including a Star Wars tangent that we probably could've stretched into infinity.
31:25- FINKES ON FOOTBALL, LET'S GET REAL MAD. Also, Michigan.
50:56- Beanie Wells! If there's anyone who can cut in two the Gordian Knot that is beating Michigan, it's this awesome dude.
1:05:40- It's... beautiful...
And that is it. Look, whatever happened last weekend simply does not matter. It's Michigan Week. Time to get petty and angry and hateful, even if just for a little while. It's gonna be fun.
