Losing sucks. Some people may get a sick thrill from the agony of defeat, but not me: I am perfectly happy to go on record as saying that I wish Ohio State would win all of their games, by a lot. Maybe that's a controversial statement, but the Threat Level has never been afraid to take a stand on the hot button issues of the day.
Anyway, the Buckeyes losing to any team is usually cause for a cascade of questions and demands that whatever went wrong be fixed right now, right freaking now, in large part because with Ohio State, it feels like an immediate fix for the causes of a loss is always possible. With the talent and resources that this program can bring to bear, no college football hurdle should be insurmountable.
I say all that to remind you that, by most metrics, Michigan is a bad football team. They're a bad football team that will continue to be bad because there aren't a whole lot of options beyond the already bad ones that they've been given. Maybe that's little comfort on a Monday after a defeat, but since the Wolverines got to indulge in their own schadenfreude this weekend while doing nothing (they had a Bye), I figured it might be appropriate to spend a few words detailing why.
Cold comfort? Kind of sad? A ham-fisted attempt at making myself feel better? Yes, yes, and yes. But you're already 239 words into this thing so you might as well keep reading.
OFFENSE
The Wolverines are a combination of "tragic" and "completely inept" offensively. A lot of that has to do with shuffling between three different quarterbacks in the first six games of the season, but on paper Michigan was supposed to have at least an acceptable running game and an All-American at tight end contributing.
Instead, Michigan is 2023 Iowa. That's right, almost every joke that people made about one of the most ridiculously bad offenses in recent memory from a P5 (4? 3? I don't even know anymore) team apply to Michigan in 2024. Last season the Hawkeyes had 107 yards from scrimmage that went 10 yards or more. Through six games in 2024, Michigan has 53 (good for 130th in the country). Passing offense? 115 yards per game, 131st nationally and three fewer yards per game than Iowa last season.
120th in first downs per game, 102nd in scoring, 119th in total offense. That legitimately good running back Kalel Mullings is being forced to split carries with legitimately bad running back Donovan Edwards kind of says everything about how the offense is being coached.
DEFENSE
Probably the most important phrase in an Ohio State fan's lexicon is "relative to expectations," and this Michigan defense is a perfect example of what I'm getting at here.
The Wolverine defense was supposed to be the tide that lifts all boats for Michigan in 2024. With almost every significant contributor returning from the national championship winning team, the expectation was basically "the offense will work itself out, don't worry about it."
To be fair, they are still fielding a competent rush defense, good for 3rd overall. But while their returnees on the defensive line are as advertised, the Michigan secondary is an absolute mess, having given up 71 passing plays of 10 yards or more, good for 128th in the country. All-everything corner Will Johnson hasn't prevented them from being 111th in overall pass defense (almost 260 yards per game). They're also 85th in opponent 3rd down conversion percentage, allowing 1st downs over 40% of the time.
MY FAVORITE STAT
What I find interesting about Sherrone Moore and this iteration of the Michigan football team is that they have a very specific identity as a program. This is usually a good thing, because it allows teams to focus on what they're good at and (hopefully) convert that focus into winning.
The biggest problem for Michigan in 2024 is that they think that they're the same team they were a year ago, and... they aren't. They don't have the receivers, they don't have the offensive line, they don't have the quarterback, they don't have the secondary, and they don't have the coaching.
Last season, Michigan was the very best college football team in turnover margin per game. They won because they had an extremely veteran squad that simply did not make mistakes and pressed their advantage at all times. In 2024? 106th nationally in turnover margin per game.
And that's what's going on here. The 2024 Wolverines are suffering through a midlife crisis and hoping that Ron Popeil can fix their bald spot with hair in a can. This coming weekend Michigan takes on Illinois, and I cannot wait to see how far that game sets back the sport of football.
