Turn the game on. Enjoy the pageantry. Watch the Buckeyes score four touchdowns in a row. Eat 16 ounces of onion dip, but that's somehow okay because you put it on a potato chip first. Sit through a halftime that seems about six minutes too long. "Accidentally" fall asleep at the beginning of the 3rd quarter. Wake up at the beginning of the 4th with Ohio State winning 45-10. Think about chores you need to do once the game finishes. Eat more dip. Go to the bathroom. Flip through some old mail. Eight minutes left in the 4th quarter. Play on your phone until the game finally ends.
Repeat 2-3 times before October.
That is part of the beautiful experience that is college football. We've all done it, felt it, been bored by it (in a fun way, because, after all, it's still Ohio State football). But today I want to challenge some of that narrative; as the season starts and you start to gameplan ways to keep yourself engaged during some of the more interminable early season games on the schedule, remember that there's football talent everywhere, and some players (and teams) still have the ability to bite the Buckeyes right in the ass.
INDIANA, SEPTEMBER 2ND
Okay, not an out-of-conference opponent, or strictly even an away game given how well Ohio State fans travel to Bloomington, but also one of the games that Buckeye fans are most confident in winning this year.
Which is fine! Because they're probably going to be bad. Head coach Tom Allen doesn't know who the quarterback is, and of course only bad football teams haven't figured out their starting quarterback at this point. Their offensive line was terrible in 2022, their defense is in a huge state of flux, and they have a bevy of untested and unproven players at receiver. Except wide receiver Cam Camper.
Camper is coming off a torn ACL, and before that he wasn't particularly consistent. But in the games he got up for, my dude freaking got up:
156 yards receiving against Illinois, a Hoosier record for a WR in their debut. 93 against Western Kentucky (we'll get to these guys in a second). 126 against Cincinnati. He made some great plays against good defenses, and if he's healthy and active, he's a guy Ohio State's revamped defensive secondary needs to keep an eye on.
YOUNGSTOWN STATE, SEPTEMBER 9TH
You don't know anyone who plays for Youngstown State, and that's okay; their premiere running back from 2022, Jaleel McLaughlin, is now with the Broncos. McLaughlin rushed for almost 1600 yards at 7 per carry last season, and his absence means that the Penguins are a passing team now, baby! Hope you like wide receivers, because this continues a theme as Bryce Oliver is YSU's best player for 2023.
Phil Steele likes the guy, which should be enough for you, but he's an experienced player (to put it mildly: this is the 6th year of his college football career, which started at the University of Kentucky in the year of our Lord two thousand and eighteen), wears the number zero (badass), and while YSU is going to lose by 70, Oliver will be the most interesting part of the 30 minutes of Youngstown State football you'll actually pay attention to.
WESTERN KENTUCKY, SEPTEMBER 16TH
I am legitimately somewhat worried about this game. I know that seems dumb and wrong, because the Ohio State Buckeyes will be playing a team named the Hilltoppers in Ohio Stadium, but let me at least attempt to freak you out a little bit.
First: if you're at all concerned, or anticipate being concerned, about the defensive secondary in 2023, know that WKU is bringing to Ohio Stadium the leading returning wide receiver in the country. Malachi Corley caught 101 passes for almost 1300 yards in 2022, and he did it by utilizing his skills as a converted running back and having 292 more yards after catch than any other FBS wideout. And "yards after catch", of course, is the combination of words that causes Jim Knowles to spontaneously combust in a shower of sulfur and flame.
Second: there's also the matter of the guy throwing the ball. Quarterback Austin Reed led the country in passing last year, with 4744 yards and a ridiculous 40 touchdowns. Which is a lot. The WKU offense is going to repeatedly challenge linebackers and safeties to keep up with their tempo and scheme, and if Ohio State is caught napping the week before the Notre Dame game, they are going to have a bad time. Maybe not so bad that they actually lose, but this might be one of those games that you stay mad about for a week, and I would be surprised if you weren't mentally invested all the way to the end.
After that early slate of games, there will be Heisman speculation and playoff talk and an increasingly loud hum in your ears that helps all Midwesterners know that The Game is imminent, but don't forget about the genuine excellence that you'll see out of Ohio State's non-Notre Dame September opponents.
They might just surprise you, and at the beginning of the season, football fans hate surprises.
