Folks, I can't begin to tell you how enraged I am about Ohio State dropping — in the second week of September, no less! — in something as world-renowned as the AP Top 25 and the Coaches Poll. I almost burned my neighbor's house down out of spite.
I thought Ohio State, sans their starting running back and Heisman-contending quarterback, failing to hang 100 points on San Diego State was going to be the low-point of the weekend. But then the once-proud Marion Harding got the brakes beat off them by Division-IV River Valley (#HINTONTOHHS), the Cleveland Browns kicked me in the testicles for three hours and tried to pass it off as football, and Phil Dawson da Gawd missed a field goal kick inside 75 yards.
These disgraces pale in comparison, however, to Ohio State falling in both polls. At this point, I'm doubting why Ohio State is even bothering playing the rest of the season. If Ohio State can't impress old-timey voters by soundly beating the likes of Buffalo and San Diego State, then what hope is there when Big Ten play opens up?
RIP 2013 Ohio State football and the Urban Meyer experiment... killed by fans' crippling expectations. WE HARDLY KNEW YE.
TICKLEBEARS, MOUNT UP!!!11. Texas gave up 550 yards of rushing to Brigham Young University this weekend. (Yes, you read that right.) Mack Brown reacted by taking full professional responsibility for his teams' inability to stop a team with inferior talent by firing his defensive coordinator, Manny Diaz.
Mack Brown raised the questionable decision-meter with whom he summoned out of the Bullpen:
http://t.co/TuILYGfSJV has learned Greg Robinson, who ran Texas' defense in 2004 and was serving as a football analyst for UT, replaces Diaz
— Chip Brown (@ChipBrownOB) September 8, 2013
Yes, our old furry friend Greg Robinson is back in the saddle. Art Briles is probably going to defile him later this year and will probably be hired by Texas at half time. Per the usual way the world works, Ramzy distilled the situation into > 140 characters of ownage:
Mack Brown is stealing from Texas at this point. He's got both hands in the cash register and is talking shit at the surveillance camera.
— Ramzy Nasrallah (@ramzy) September 8, 2013
NICK SABAN: TEXAS SAVIOR!? Here's a cool thing to do: type www dot nicksaban-texasfootball dot com into your web browser. (Byline: LESS CLAPPING, MORE TROPHIES.) Yes, Mack Brown's seat is blistering hot in Texas, and it's obvious whom Texas fans want as a replacement. Nick Saban to Texas rumors have been around since July with the basic premise being every man has his price and Texas has a lot more money than Alabama.
Regardless, it's crazy to think Texas and Southern Cal played in the greatest college football game of all time eight years ago and then look where they are today. Really makes you thankful for how Ohio State has handled its program during the BCS era.
TO THE SMOOTH SENSATION KENNY GUITON.TYRONE PRYOR GETS BIZZY. Before Beth Mowins gave us "Rod Jones," some crazed woman sitting near my friend @BrettGates during a 2008 game berated/cheered for "Tyrone Pryor," and thus a legend was born. Well, old friend Tyrone single-handily kept the pitiful Raiders competitive against the Indianapolis Colts. Like most Pryor performances, there were moments of brilliance juxtaposed against moments of mind-numbing frustration:
As of writing this, Pryor is this week's leading rusher with 112 yards on 13 attempts. He was the first player to break 100 rushing yards this week, and Adrian Peterson ran for 78 yards on his first touch. Pryor's running turned broken pass plays into substantial gains on the ground.
Pryor's passing wasn't abysmal, which was a nice surprise considering how he closed out the preseason. Yeah, he had a dumb early end-zone pick, but he was generally accurate, throwing 19 completions on 29 attempts for 217 yards with a touchdown on a quick, precise slant pass to Denarius Moore to give the Raiders a 17-14 lead. The offensive line did its job for the most part, too, only allowing Pryor to get sacked once. To be fair, however, the Colts defense is soft and the current pass rush even softer with the departure of Dwight Freeney.
HIGH: He owned LaRon Landry.
LOW: He almost killed a senior citizen.
I've defended Terrelle Pryor in the past, and I'm glad he appears to finally be putting it together on the next level (like learning how to throw a football). He's always had the talent.
CAL FRESHMAN CAN SLING THE MAGIC DIAMOND. Ohio State will be venturing to Berkeley, California, this weekend for the first road test of the 2013 season. Cal, which narrowly lost to Northwestern and narrowly beat Big Sky's Portland State, is going under a transformation under first-year frontman Sonny Dykes.
Dykes likes to air it out, and has christened his offense "the Bear Raid." (See what Sonny did there? It's the Air Raid, but it's a Bear-pun because California is the Golden Bears.) Dykes turned some heads when he named true freshman Jared Goff as the starter, but so far the decision has paid dividends: the freshman has thrown for 930 yards, completed 62% of his passes, and has a QB rating of 137 through two games this year.
Obviously, Ohio State will present a much stouter secondary than Portland State, but the Silver Bullets secondary will definitely be under pressure throughout the contest. I for one am looking forward to seeing how the secondary stacks up. (OSU has opened up as 15 point-favorites over the Golden Bears.)
OKIE STATE ACCUSED OF RUNNING "BONUS ($$)" PROGRAM. I'm sure Mike Bianchi felt a twitch in his Hey Arnold! knickers when he saw OSU was accused of wrong-doing, and I'm sure he was shattered when he learned it's Oklahoma State under investigation and not Ohio State. Blathering idiots aside, it appears Sports Illustrated is back to moonlighting as the NCAA's enforcement office, and a current West Virginia assistant is in the cross-hairs:
A pending investigative project in Sports Illustrated will reportedly accuse Mountaineers associate head coach/special teams coordinator Joe DeForest of paying players for making certain plays while he was an assistant at Oklahoma State.
The alleged payments occurred as recently as the 2011 season. DeForest, who was an assistant for the Cowboys from 2001-11, denied the allegation to The Oklahoman.
Father of Andrew Luck and West Virginia Athletic Director, Oliver Luck, released a statement saying WVU is aware of Sports Illustrated's upcoming report, which also alleges Oklahoma State boosters paid players for jobs they didn't do and also paid players for performance. You'll be shocked to learn WVU has thoroughly investigated the issue and found their employee did no wrong doing while under their employment.
Even if Okie State never gets their day in the NCAA's kangaroo court, this system DEFINITELY isn't in need of any reform. Kudos to SI for hard-hitting journalism.
JADEVEON CLOWNEY IS FRUSTRATED. Jadeveon Clowney, product of of the summer ESPN-hype machine after he almost beheaded Michigan's Vincent Smith on national television, has only registered one sack in South Carolina's two games. He isn't very pleased with the production or South Carolina's game plan:
It's hard out there trying to chase from the backside, and they just took me right out of the game. They want to move me around -- that's up to them.
I'm going to keep playing my assignments. I set the edge most of the night, [but] the ball went away from me on the backside chasing. That's just how the game went.
Clowney is a victim of his own legend at this point. Fans expect five sacks a game, which only happens in video games. Opposing players and coaches have watched the legend be built over the summer, and that puts a bullseye square on Clowney's back. He's still a freak who will be a top five draft pick next spring, despite what internet haterz have to say.
THOSE WMDs. Alan Sepinwall's review of last night's banger of a Breaking Bad episode... Gunfight erupts over loud music at campsite, warring factions realize afterwards they're all off-duty cops... Jair Benitez scored a spectacular 50-yard goal... Anyone besides me going to Mexico-USMNT in Columbus on Tuesday? Klinnsman has called up four players... The legacy of the Butt family... What Eminem actually saw in the booth during ND-Michigan... Kotaku on the odd tradition of sports video games scrapping last year's product so you'll buy this years... Heartless masked-men held up an Inn-And-Out at gunpoint... San Diego Hell's Angels leader sentenced to 25 years in the clink for multiple violent felonies.
