Monday Skull Session

Ohio State is 6-0 — bowl-eligible for the first time since 2011 and the first bowl-eligible team in America — and this is truly a lot of fun. Some people seem to expect "video game on Rookie level" results every weekend, and have a lot more fun picking nits with Ohio State. (They also love disparaging Luke Fickell without even knowing how to spell his name.)

I don't get it. Is the team perfect? Other than their record, no. But you know what? 2008 FLORIDA LOST AT HOME TO OLE MISS IN SEPTEMBER. That team only ended up as one of the most dominant teams in the history of college football.

So just enjoy the ride, and let the chips fall where they do.

JIMMY TRESS COULD BE WADING BACK INTO THE GAME. I wouldn't trade Urban Meyer for Jim Tressel, and I don't think many Buckeyes fans would either. Yet, I think there'd be a tinge of pain seeing Jim Tressel stroll out onto a college football field while not wearing a Scarlet or Grey sweater vest. And apparently that could be a reality very, very soon:

Damn! I was rather hoping to meet the surfer-bro incarnation of Jim Tressel.

MATT HAYES: STILL AWFUL. The last time I checked in with Sporting News' Matt Hayes, I put my foot up his ass in retaliation for his moronic takes on the retirement of E. Gordon Gee. Surprisingly, he was at the Northwestern game. Unsurprisingly, he penned the worst reaction you'll read to Ohio State's gutsy win over Northwestern's gang of rowdy nerds.

EVANSTON, Ill. -- The game is superficial, another victory on a growing unbeaten streak with no end in sight.

We're one sentence in and we already have a one-sentence paragraph. (The article is stuffed with so many of those it'd give Bill Plaschke — another writer with the thinking depth of a child's swimming pool — a throbbing erection.)  Did Hayes write this through tears streaming out of his eyes? It's hard to tell. ~*~* WHY CAN'T ANYONE BEAT OHIO SATE >:'( >:'( ~*~*~*~*~

The man who saved Ohio State's 18-game winning streak, the man who carried his team in the second half when All-Everything quarterback Braxton Miller couldn't, is the same man who hit a woman this offseason.

And lived to play another day of college football.

Yes, Carlos Hyde absolutely smashed a woman's face in on camera. It was unquestionable. This is why he was charged with assault, because of how clear it was he hit a woman. Everybody in Columbus (including, apparently, the entire Columbus Police Department) cheers on a woman-beating bag of scum. 

I wonder if it has been hard for the girl Hyde hit? You know, the girl who suddenly dropped charges against Hyde -- even though there was video evidence of Hyde hitting her.

Why do women drop charges against men who batter them? The No. 1 reason: fear of retaliation.

In order for charges to be dropped, Matt, they have to be filed in the first place. But by all means, please continue your prosecution because it's clear you know your shit, like speaking on the motives of a woman who has never spoken publicly. You're totally not projecting a fantasy here at all. No, sir, that's not obvious. (If the tape had showed he hit her, he'd have been charged regardless of the victim's wishes.)

...let me explain what happened in Hyde's post-game press conference:

Oh, wait, so you were there? And you didn't direct any of these thoughts at Carlos? Or the man who took the podium immediately after him? (Urban Meyer.) You just sat there, like the cowardly twerp you are, and spun your assumptions in the vacuous piece of rotting meat lodged where most humans' brains are? Just like you did at Big Ten Media Days while after spending a summer skewering Urban Meyer?

Interesting.

So, enjoy your mouse-clicks, Matt. They only come at the expense of your integrity as a reporter and the outlet which employs you.

THE CLOWNEY/SPURRIER COLD WAR. Jadeveon Clowney was launched into folk legend status when he nearly decapitated Michigan's Vincent Smith in last year's Outback Bowl. (I'm no Outback Bowl historian, but I'm quite sure it was the most legendary play in the bowl's existence.)

His 2013 campaign has not lived up to the hype. The reigning Southeastern Conference Defensive Player of the Year has a mere 12 tackles and two sacks. 

After a loss to Georgia earlier in the year, Clowney went on the record and criticized his coaches for the unoriginal ways in which he was being used.

On Saturday, South Carolina coaches expected Clowney to be fit to play against Kentucky. (The defensive end had missed some practices last week.) Clowney apparently blindsided his team and coaches when he told them he was simply too sore to go... minutes before kickoff.

Steve Spurrier, understandably, wasn't happy about it:

 [If Clowney] wants to play, we will welcome him to come play for the team if he wants. But if he doesn't want to play, he doesn't have to play. Simple as that.

This will certainly be something to watch as the season enters its second half. It also won't mean much when Jadeveon Clowney goes to the NFL combine next year, demolishes it and is subsequently taken as a top five pick in the 2014 draft. I guess those are the perks of being a genetic freak.

JIM BROWN HAD A HELL OF A CATCH. No, I'm not talking about the fabled Browns running back — and actual woman-beater —Jim Brown. I'm talking about USA Today's photographer, who probably captured the college football photograph of the year:

I think the only way this photo could be better is if Tennessee's Marquez North was winking.

MIAMI AXES TREADWELL. The alma mater of Ben Roethlisberger (really, the apotheosis of a Miami University alumnus) is now in search for a new head coach after firing Don Treadwell, the former offensive coordinator at Michigan State. Speaking of which, you know who may be in need of Treadwell's services?

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