Michigan's game against Indiana was tricky.
For maximum enjoyment, Ohio State fans needed to see a specific combination of incompetence, schadenfreude, and (of course) a Wolverine loss. First, while Indiana needed to win, the Hoosiers represent a legitimate roadblock for Ohio State's Big Ten title aspirations. If they could somehow look like ass (but again, also still win), that would be ideal.
Second, the best kind of hope for your enemies is the kind that's snatched away at the last minute. As Michigan started to slowly claw their way back into the game on Saturday thanks to a series of Indiana miscues, I knew that we were nicely set up for step three.
Did I mention that Michigan needed to lose? A win against a top ten opponent, no matter how janky, changes the entire tenor of an incredibly disappointing season for the defending national champions. And we can't have that, so the Wolverines utterly failing to run a two minute offense with a chance to steal a win was just icing on the cake. Michigan blows it, Indiana wins, 20-15.
Check, check, and check.
SO WHAT ELSE IS NEW?
Like a lightning bug fart in the middle of a smog alert, Michigan quarterback Davis Warren kind of sort of will occasionally make a pass where you can detect the faintest whiff of competence. This is almost always followed by five passes into the bleachers, and, well, he's the best they've got.
If youre wondering how bad things are in Ann Arbor right now. even I was 2-0 against IU
— John O'Korn (@jokorn94) November 10, 2024
I'm not sure if this is actually John O'Korn, but it is funny so I'm going to believe in it harder than a mean kid on Christmas morning.
Anyway, what's wild to me about this particular game is that it became clear that offensive coordinator Kirk Campbell is stuck in a box filled with poison ivy. He can't open the box without sticking his hand in something nasty and potentially making his situation worse.
Campbell gets a lot of heat on a weekly basis from angry Michigan fans wanting him fired for his bad playcalling, but my question is: what the hell is this guy supposed to do? Running backs Donovan Edwards and Kalel Mullings are averaging about 3 yards per carry, because... they're playing poorly. The wide receivers are uniformly bad, and I guess you can just huck it to tight end Colston Loveland fifty times a game, but even that has its limits.
So then what? Because 4.3 yards per attempt for Warren is hilarious, but you're also risking turning the ball over fifteen times a game if you try for anything more ambitious.
A QUICK RUNDOWN
Indiana won this game via two long touchdown drives in the first half, and settled for trading field goals for the rest of the game to salt it away. The lone Michigan touchdown drive was for 34 yards and came after a second half Hoosier drive that netted them negative sixteen yards on three plays. And the Wolverines still needed to convert a 4th down to punch it in the endzone, which is bad!
But, all hope was not lost. Michigan got the ball with seven minutes left and a chance to score a go-ahead touchdown. This is what they did:
Gross! But the Wolverine defensive line got frisky and forced a three-and-out, so America was treated to the Michigan two-minute drill, and boy oh boy was it a banger:
And that was it. End of game, end of any hope of Michigan salvaging something significant from the 2024 season.
THREAT LEVEL
I don't have much of a choice but to lower it after this weekend. This is a bad, bad Michigan team and I'm firmly entrenched in the idea that if Ohio State loses to them in a few weeks it'll be worse than probably any defeat I've seen to That Team Up North in my 39 years of life. The Threat Level is LOW.
Michigan gets a week off to lick their wounds, and I'm hoping and praying that Wolverine athletic director Warde Manuel spends it furiously typing an angry response to the NCAA's Notice of Allegations so I have something to make dumb jokes about. See you then!
Header photo: Trevor Ruszkowski-Imagn Images
