If social media nerds can declare yesterday #NationalDogDay on a whim (nobody cares about your ugly mutt, sorry), then I'm declaring today #NationalCatDay.
All praises to The Starcat:
If you are a guardian of a Starcat — or any majestic cat, for that matter — feel free to leave a comment and/or anecdote in the commenting section below. I will compliment all the cats, because unlike dogs or babies, all cats are an embodiment of serenity.
Now with respects paid to our overlords, let's get down to the brass tacks. *zips up #HAZMATTAKE SUIT AND FIRES UP THE FLAME THROWER*
LOOK AT THESE CLOWNS. Honestly, I could kiss 11W bloodrider KILLER NUTS for making me aware of this video. The bitter denial in this video is almost as funny as some of these dudes' outfits.
I'll let the video (and this Buckshot) speak for itself:
"It's a tough choice."
That's literally the biggest indictment of Florida education I've ever seen in my life. Florida should seriously be shut down for this comment. (As in every "school" in the state.)
The second worst was the kid asking for a choice C on a question where the only options were A and B. I bet that bro knocked the ACT out of the park.
WE WANT THE BOOZE, OSU. Texas, West Virginia and PURDUE (among others) are selling or are going to sell booze at their football games. The numbers behind selling alcohol at football games don't lie.
Yet, despite owning a liquor license, Ohio State has no current plans on making Ohio Stadium the greatest watering hole on Earth.
From Dylan Weaver of The Lantern:
“I haven’t proposed it, and probably won’t,” [Gene] Smith said. “Don’t feel we need to. We have great tailgating, phenomenal tailgating, not just around the stadium, but all throughout Central Ohio and Columbus.”
Gene Smith played at Notre Dame and has probably been involved in athletics administration his entire adult life, so I forgive him for not knowing how tailgates work.
If I'm at the game (and I'm planning on attending my first game this year since the fall of 2008)... a beer in the parking lot does me about as much good as brain tumor.
So... you know what's easier to smuggle into a stadium than beer? Liquor.
You know what's worse than masses of people drinking domestic swill-beer? Masses of people guzzling cheap liquor.
This is going to be one of those things where people drag their feet and flail their silk handkerchiefs, and eventually Ohio State will open the taps. Then, when the earth's crusts don't open up and swallow Ohio Stadium, people will say, "Wow, I can't believe we worried like 17th century puritans. That was a waste of emotion and time — two of the most valuable commodities known to man."
OSU-NAVY GAMEBALL WILL BE SICK. Ohio State and Navy will play in one of college football's most iconic venues, Balitmore's M&T Bank Stadium, on Saturday. It will be a neutral site game — Navy normally plays in Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium — but Navy will technically be the home team.
This will be the game ball:
Check this @BigGameUSA ball for @NAVYequipment to use against Ohio State #uniswag pic.twitter.com/PO0WSgsqtE
— Uniswag (@Uniformswag) August 26, 2014
I say Ohio State gets Nike Wilson to make them some custom balls. I'd recommend a giant Buckeye leaf. That way, I can run an article titled, "Urban Meyer Decrees: All Game Balls to Feature Giant Pot Leaf, a Drug He Loves" and see if Mike Bianchi takes the bait. (Mike Bianchi would take the bait.)
WHO CARES ABOUT THE ROSE BOWL's PRESTIGE? Here's a headline that made me SMH... "In playoff era, will Rose stay as sweet?"
From Brian Bennett at ESPN:
For several years, the Rose Bowl logo was nearly ubiquitous around Michigan State's practice facility, serving as a constant reminder of the team's ultimate goal.
Well, that would make sense since the Rose Bowl really hasn't been the true "grandaddy of them all" since the BCS era dawned... in 1998.
But as the Granddaddy of Them All begins its second century, both its relationship with the Big Ten and its very nature are about to change, thanks to the arrival of the College Football Playoff.
The Big Ten has not had an exclusive arrangement with the Rose Bowl since 1998.
The Rose Bowl will serve as a national semifinal site this year and in the 2017, 2020 and 2023 seasons. If a Big Ten team wants to go to Pasadena in those years, the playoff is the only route.
TIL: In the College Football Playoff Era, the only route to win a championship is through the playoffs.
In the years in which it is not a part of the playoff rotation, the Rose Bowl will stage its traditional Big Ten/Pac-12 matchup. But any Big Ten team that makes it in those years either (A) won the league and missed out on the playoff or (B) did not win the conference title.
This is basically how it's been... since 1996.
Think about this: A Big Ten champion that gets snubbed for the four-team playoff could actually be -- gasp -- disappointed to play in the Rose Bowl. That would be a first.
I'm sure 2012 Ohio State would've been thrilled to play in the Rose Bowl after being skipped in the final poll of the season by one-loss Alabama.
I'm also quite sure Michigan State, the team with the ubiquitous Rose Bowl logo, would've been — gasp — disappointed to play in the national title game after last year's bowl victory.
"I think it has the real opportunity to lose something for the teams, not for the fans," Michigan coach Brady Hoke said. "You really have to see how that travel is going to be and what events you're going to do. Are you going to Disneyland for a day? I don't think so. Because you're hoping to play in the next one."
Michigan's playoff chances are about as real as the anthropomorphic mice found in Disneyland.
Tradition at times took a backseat for the game during the BCS era, too.
"At times?" The Rose Bowl was sponsored by Vizio last year.
But can the Rose Bowl endure all this change?
The Rose Bowl is a concrete cathedral that can hold 90,000 people. I think the only change it couldn't endure would be a Hellfire missile strike.
People don't speak in reverential tones about one day getting to step foot in Sun Life Stadium or the Superdome, for instance. The Rose Bowl, Dantonio says, still "has a mystique about it."
Sun Life Stadium was built in 2010 1987 and is a typical corporate monstrosity designed to wrench every dollar out of every customer that comes through its turnstiles.
The Superdome is a heaping pile of shit slapped together in 1975; it's only redeeming quality is its vicinity to Bourbon Street.)
The Rose Bowl, on the other hand, has that 1920s swagger (when Warren G. Harding was king and everybody was a millionaire) and looks like this:
I was born eight minutes from the Rose Bowl. It was thriving in 1986, and it's damn sure balling in 2014. It will be balling in 2023. I pray I'm dead by 2030.
Please stop concern trolling me about the sanctity of the Rose Bowl.
CLINT TRICKETT SIGNS HIS DEATH WARRANT. Is there anybody outside of the whiskey-sieve that is West Virginia that thinks the Volunteers Mountaineers won't get their buried in a puddle of their own blood when they "square up" with Alabama? I'm too lazy to look up the spread to this game, but whatever it is, it's not high enough.
Anyway, Clint Trickett — a poetically perfect name for a West Virginia quarterback, by the way — just tacked on a couple more fourth-quarter touchdowns.
Clint Trickett's full quote, context and all. Romeo and Juliet scene gonna play out Saturday in Atlanta. #WVU pic.twitter.com/S6aDXlcWlR
— Stephen J. Nesbitt (@stephenjnesbitt) August 26, 2014
We're talking about a first kiss? Good lord, did I fall in a wormhole back to 1952?
I'm not sure what's a worse idea in 2014: kissing, "engagement" or betting on West Virginia to cover the spread against Alabama.
Regardless, I'm now wondering what kind of dude it took to wrangle the heart of Nick Saban's spawn. How did the first dinner date at the Saban's sprawling complex go down? What was served? You know Nick wasn't cooking.
If the dude asked Nick Saban for permission to marry his daughter, did Saban turn away from the tape he was watching to deliver his answer?
The scariest thing about Saban, however, is he's the Godfather of Alabama. If he wanted, Nick Saban could wipe you out of existence with a nod of his head. And nobody outside the CIA is stopping him.
So yeah, I don't think I would want to wife Nick Saban's daughter. (DISCLAIMER: I don't think Nick Saban's daughter would want to wife me either.)
S-E-C! S-E-C! I have more respect for SEC football than most in Columbus. Seven straight national titles certainly isn't luck.
The gap certainly isn't as big as southern yokels pretend it to be, but this here? This is diabolical.
Heard this today: The week the SEC announced mandated non-con games against BCS (or big five) teams, KU received "about seven calls."
— Rustin Dodd (@rustindodd) August 26, 2014
People know I'm in favor of radical reform of how players are compensated (whatever), but my second pet-issue is eventual home-field playoff games.
It amuses me when OOC games against Power Five teams got mandated, almost half (or half or more than half) of SEC athletic directors immediately thought, "KANSAS!"
C'mon, man, Kansas!? That's so unbelievably chicken-shit, I'm not sure I would believe it in a movie. Take a bow, Charlie Weis!
THOSE WMDs. Remy interviews former Ohio State kicker Blair Conway... 11W Pick'em Pool presented by my No. 1 hater: ThatLilLefty... Johnny Manziel issues #takes on Braxton Miller, Tom Herman... Band alumni release documents of Waters' reforms... Braxton's surgery doesn't sound, uh, routine... OSU donor says firing of John Waters is making him rethink $150 million donation... U NEVER KNOW: Cobra's Severed Head Awakes From the Dead to Kill Chinese Chef... No joke: the best Ice Bucket Challenge I've ever seen...
