Folks, let me let y'all in on a great #tournament hack: Either accept Kentucky's coronation or turn the tournament off now. Those are your only two options.
Besides, are you really going to stand in the way of this man's happiness?
Picture, thousand words, etc. pic.twitter.com/rxkreWBpu9
— Mark Ennis (@MarkEnnis) March 26, 2015
That man is either a billionaire or a bigger fan than you and I will ever be. He could be both. He could've played 38 minutes at point guard last night and #BBN would've won by 20. (Look what they did to poor Huggy Bear, y'all.)
"They should have kept their mouth shut and it might not have been like that" --- Tyler Ulis
— Matt Jones (@KySportsRadio) March 27, 2015
36 and won
— Devin Booker (@DevinBook) March 27, 2015
I will never cheer for any other Big Ten school because all they've done is drag Ohio State down over the years. I didn't think Wisconsin would win last night, but if it results in Frank Kaminsky sobbing on the bench while his team is down 15 with four minutes left to play against Kentucky, then so be it.
My take on the Spartans? Even simpler:
Your schedule for tonight's games:
| GAME | TIME | TV | FAVORITE |
|---|---|---|---|
| No. 11 UCLA vs. No. 2 GONZAGA | CBS | 7:15 | ZAGA (-8½) |
| No. 8 N.C. STATE vs. No. 4 LOUISVILLE | TBS | 7:37 | UL (-2½) |
| No. 5 UTAH vs. No. 1 DUKE | CBS | 9:45 | BOO (-5½) |
| No. 7 MICHIGAN STATE vs. No. 3 OKLAHOMA | TBS | 10:07 | MSU (-2) |
This week's NSFW ANTI-WORK #BANGERS:
- Infomercial: Online For-Profit University.
- Top 10 Breaking Bad scenes.
- 30 minutes of The Office highlights.
MICHIGAN MISSED ITS SHOT WITH KING CARDALE. Here's a nightmare to envision: The Iron King, Cardale Jones, First of His Name, Poacher of Badgers, Controller of Tides, Slayer of Ducks, Troll Sultan, and 12th Son of Ohio, playing for the clown rodeo located 45 miles north of Toledo.
Hopefully, you didn't break your fist during your temporary break from sanity. Cardale Jones wouldn't know me if I were shitting on his black Dodge Challenger, but that doesn't stop me, the idiot, from thinking of him as my brother.
And as my brother's keeper, my stomach churned reading this:
Five years ago. pic.twitter.com/fHQvGTMZRF
— Ryan Ginn (@RyanGinnBSB) March 25, 2015
It's almost like Irondale parting the sea of haters and leading Ohio State to its eighth championship was destiny.
Because if he had gone to Michigan, I'm not sure we'd be reading things like this:
Interesting: Kiper says if Cardale Jones had declared, he'd have slotted him as a second rounder.
— Nick Baumgardner (@nickbaumgardner) March 26, 2015
It's going to be hilarious if Cardale doesn't play a snap this season (a horrifyingly real possibility) but becomes the No. 1 pick in the 2016 NFL draft. You laugh now, but think how ridiculous the sentence "Cardale Jones leads Ohio State to three postseason victories, national title" would have seemed in March of 2014.
ALMOST LITERALLY RAINING TITLES AT THIS POINT. The other day, a commenter (rightfully) compared me to a southern California weatherman.
"How's the weather/Buckeyes, you ask? Well, you're not going to believe it! It's all extremely, extremely good news."
Add another national championship to the list. Congratulations to the Ohio State Pistol Team! #GoBucks pic.twitter.com/MrRvLcSlVb
— Block O (@OSUBlockO) March 27, 2015
"Now back to you Jerry, and that stabbing at the Goasis."
(Ohio State's full release is over here.)
SIR!? This fella is lucky I wasn't present to witness this, because I'd have made him peel that Undisputed shirt off his back like a disgraced biker's club patch.
Dude... pic.twitter.com/333qWnT0ky
— Josh Samuels (@jsamuels6) March 27, 2015
The only way this is acceptable if this fella is on the hunt for cheap kindling material.
Instead, he's probably buying a shirt so they can take a dumb Instagram photo at the game. Oh, look at that! You're adults who possess the ability to look beyond traditional sports rivalries. You're so cool with your mortgage and success. In the meantime, I'll be outside puking in a Waffle House dumpster.
JALIN MARSHALL COULD, PROBABLY STILL CAN, BOUNCE. All I wanted to do was dunk one time on my enemies. All I wanted was to plod into the lane with my piss-poor dribbling and say,"I'm going up, y'all!" before throwing one dang dunk down. It never happened.
Basically, I am No. 4 in this picture:
There are going to be so many Buckeyes in the NFL within the next couple years.
CALL GUARANTANO THE TAXMAN. If 2016's Jarrett Guarantano chooses Ohio State I'm calling him the Taxman, and that's that:
I will be committing at Bergen Catholic on April 15th at 3 pm. All media, students, & friends can come . #DeusVult pic.twitter.com/ByYk5xl621
— Jarrett Guarantano (@Guarantano18) March 27, 2015
Guarantano is supposed to visit Columbus one last time before he pulls the trigger, but according to the Lord of Whispers, that date is unannounced.
THOSE WMDs. Timofey Mozgov's local commercial is an all-time great... Dean Smith still balling from beyond the grave... Where Americans live now, in four maps... Let Slim Thug explain the perils of doing sex with your real estate agent... I don't know who Stevie Nicks is, but if you speed Springsteen up to 45 rpm it sounds "EXACTLY" like him... I got owned by an eggman.
