BREAKING NEWS: Ohio State landed another national title and another must-have recruit. In other news: I will be staying behind in 2015 forever.
As for today's Madness slate; Here's how insufferable it is slate is: The most sufferable team is coached by a man who sentenced his team to watch Get Hard. I'd rather watch the Virginia-Michigan State snuff film than be subjected to 30 seconds of Get Hard. Honestly, Michigan State deserves to lose for that fact alone.
| GAME | TIME | TV | FAVORITE |
|---|---|---|---|
| No. 7 MICHIGAN STATE vs. No. 4 LOUISVILLE | 2:20 p.m. | CBS | MSU (-2½) |
| No. 2 GONZAGA vs. No. 1 DUKE | 5:05 p.m. | CBS | BOO (-2½) |
11W WEEK IN REVIEW. Here is some stuff written by people more talented than me this week:
- OSU's championship rings are dazzling.
- Darron Lee's new role.
- Braxton Miller is a block in a pyramid scheme, and I'm not talking about AdvoCare.
- Is Chase Farris the man to beat at right tackle?
- Get to know one of my favorite 2015 recruits: Cleveland's Dre'Mont Jones.
- Raekwon McMillan is prepared to lead.
- Looking for future OSU offensive concepts from Tim Beck's and Ed Warinner's time in Kansas.
- Grading OSU's 2015 schedule.
- Holy smokes, that's Ramzy Nasrallah's music.
- Meet the 2,000-rep club.
- Time moves way too fast, man: Vonn Bell poised for leadership role.
MAGISTERIAL MIKE THOMAS. His coming was told by the elders:
Flashbacks ? But nah practice makes permanent #Zone6 pic.twitter.com/6gzmh23xE9
— Mike Thomas (@Cantguardmike) March 28, 2015
Somebody said we should call him "ZIP Code" as in "put it in his ZIP code and he's coming down with it." I like that.
SIR!? I like to see Ohioans spread their wings and fly, which is why I'm willing to look past Toledo's Nigel Hayes' Wisconsin jersey to appreciate his success.
But, it looks like that was misguided. Nigel Hayes is a monster.
From Dan Garland of SI.com:
Q. Nigel, obviously if you look just statistically, you’ve taken quite a leap in the 3-point shooting, to whatever, and in other areas. Can you describe just the steps you took to kind of, you know, raise those parts of your game?
NIGEL HAYES: Hello, it works now. Before I answer that question, I would like to say a few words, cattywampus, onomatopoeia and antidisestablishmentarianism. (Laughs). Now, back to your question. It was just a lot of hard work, teammates giving me great confidence, and when you play with players that are very unselfish like the two next to me who also give you that confidence and involve the team, it’s a lot easier to get things done.
Q. Why did you start off saying those things and then I have to followup.
NIGEL HAYES: Well, the wonderful young lady over there, I think her job title is a stenographer, yes, okay. And she does an amazing job of typing words, sometimes if words are not in her dictionary, maybe if I say soliloquy right now, she may have to work a little bit harder to type that word, or quandary, zephyr, Xylophone, things like that, that make her job really interesting.
I don't even transcribe things on a regular basis (why I will never be a beat reporter), but just reading that paragraph had me hoping it ended with the woman standing up and socking Nigel Hayes in the kisser.
Transcribing is awful (think about doing it next time you hear Jimbo Fisher "talk") without some guy up there dropping words like xylophone and zephyr.
"How can you not cheer for the Badgers?" Garland rhetorically asks at the close of his article. It's pretty damn simple, actually.
NOTRE DAME MAN WATCHES PRACTICE. Does the fact Urban Meyer didn't peel this blue shirt off Lou Holtz's flabby back make me worried OSU's frontman has gone soft? Maybe just a tad...
Lou Holtz casually enjoying some Spring football at the Woody .. pic.twitter.com/KxxFqiDIaP
— Justin Hilliard (@JHilliard47) March 28, 2015
Probably still spying for Notre Dame. Not that that would be enough to rescue the Irish from mediocrity, but I wouldn't be surprised. (The file of "people who can actually remember Lou Holtz being relevant and want to defend him" starts down the hallway and to the left.)
LOOKIN' GOOD, ST. JOHN ARENA. I think about the commenter who corrected my use of "St John's Arena" — literally pronounced it that way for about 15 years of my life — every time I mention Ohio State's gem:
The newest banners are hanging in St. John Arena. #OhioState @wrestlingbucks pic.twitter.com/0JzZ80y1Ee
— Patrick Kalista (@PatrickKalista) March 28, 2015
The hardware is on display at the #OhioState @wrestlingbucks Championship celebration at St. John Arena. pic.twitter.com/xzrUMeFbOJ
— Patrick Kalista (@PatrickKalista) March 28, 2015
(Seger's full run down is over here.)
It's too late to hope these additions are enough to keep Ohio State from bulldozing it like a vacant house, right?
LET'S CHECK IN ON TOM HERMAN. Tom Herman belongs to Houston now. Let's see how that's going:
Hey @paulwallbaby. Let me know when u can make it out to practice. The Coogs would love to see u. #MoufLookinSomethinLikeADiscoBawl #Iceman
— Tom Herman (@CoachTomHerman) March 27, 2015
I'm no authority on Houston rap or football, but if I were Herman (who is a MENSA member, you might not know), I would've reached out to Slim Thug.
THOSE WMDs. Watch This Indestructible Kung-Fu Master Take An Electric Drill To The Head... Barbed wire's dark, deadly history... Photos of Bohemian Partiers in New York’s Greenwich Village, 1910-1920... In 1989, he was a member of Nirvana. By 1994, he was an Army Ranger... Baby squirrels break into Harlem apartment and attack elderly man.
