Welcome to April Fools' Day, which, pound for pound, may be the worst day. Sure, some companies/funny individuals pull it off, but it's mostly awful.
PSA: If you're in the Columbus area for the weekend of the spring game (April 18th), we're hosting a #banger the Friday before (April 17th) at Park Street Tavern.
CARDALE JONES CAN'T BE BEAT. We last saw Cardale Jones rampaging through the 2014 postseason. In between the Sugar Bowl and the Nash, he dumped a children's hospital patient in NCAA 2014, 98-35.
As it turns out, Irondale won't show mercy to his teammates, either:
@Haney2014: Poor @JT_theQB4th can't beat @CJ12_ in madden you play the lions where he throw go to Calvin every play
— Jt Barrett (@JT_theQB4th) April 1, 2015
I love that Cardale Jones plays Madden like you know he wants to play real life football. In fact, if Irondale does seize the QB throne, then I hope Urban deploys a two-prong attack of four verticals sprinkled with HB draws.
HARTLINE SAYS GOODBYE TO PHINS FANS. Brian Hartline belongs to the Browns now, but he took out a billboard to thank all seven Miami Dolphin fans:
So it took a little longer then expected but I wanted to thank as many Dolphins Fans as possible. So Thank You! pic.twitter.com/GWNtnEXYbZ
— Brian Hartline (@brianhartline) March 31, 2015
I like the hashtag signature, because I'm sure it befuddles most Floridians.
R.I.P. TO THE SHOE. In October 2006, I was a 19-year-old idiot (as opposed to the 28-year-old idiot I am today) in Missoula, Montana. The Garden City was a quiet place, until one horrific night when the Rolling Stones came to town.
My friends drank a bunch of Keystone Light (lmao) and went to the concert. I was elated to find out it was trash. (Who knew that paying over a hundred dollars to watch drug-addled senior citizens try to gyrate their rusty pelvises for three hours isn't a wise investment of time or money?)
And that was in 2006. Let's add nine years of rust and one of the nation's most historic sporting venues.
From Daniel Bendtsen of TheLantern.com:
The Rolling Stones are scheduled to play Ohio Stadium, the only stop in the Buckeye State on their upcoming tour.
The band’s May 30 stop at the Horseshoe is the second concert of a 15-city tour that will kickoff in San Diego six days prior.
While the ‘Shoe has not hosted a concert since 2003, the Stones announcement makes it the third show scheduled for 2015.
Yes, it's true, there's a parade of horribles coming to town this summer.
On top of a Jurassic Park cover band, the Horseshoe is scheduled to be disparaged by a horde of teeny-boppers when One Direction (think of them as a gang of British Justin Biebers) come to the Discovery City:
@LiveNation One Direction at Ohio Stadium for my first my first concert & to see my idols! #MakeYourDreamComeTrueDay pic.twitter.com/HuX8exVbaE
— ~Kaitlyn 1D Lover (@Styhorlinson222) January 14, 2015
Something called "The Buckeye Country Superfest" is also happening, which, given the genre, I assume is a gathering of Hell's most talented artists singing about cute girls, trucks, and Busch Light.
But back to those money-grabbing melted candles. You might be saying "Well, DJ, actually, the Rolling Stones are good. I can't wait to rock out with them at the Shoe, baby!" To which I'll point you to this:
Really interesting the Stones are coming to OSU on May 30. Will be the night before the Columbus NFTC. Dozens of top recruits on campus.
— Ryan Ginn (@RyanGinnBSB) March 31, 2015
Unofficial visits also can't be paid for by schools and you can bet the Rolling Stones are going to drive up hotel prices. Fun times.
— Ryan Ginn (@RyanGinnBSB) March 31, 2015
So do you like the Rolling Stones or do you like Ohio State recruiting? Remember: You can't have it both ways.
This is why I endorse #BoycottingTheStones to #SaveTheCroots.
CURTIS IS COMIN'. Urban Meyer says Ohio State "isn't very good" right now, and we knew Curtis Samuel was due for a promotion, but now is the time to buy stock in Curtis Samuel:
Urban Meyer: The days of Curtis Samuel playing 10 plays are over. Said the sophomore is a top-5 playmaker right now for Ohio State.
— Eric Seger (@EricSeger33) March 31, 2015
The haters are going to be sick when they realize the 2015 team is better than the 2014 team.
LIL NICKY'S CRUMBLING ALABAMA KINGDOM. I swear this isn't some long-con April Fool's Joke.
From Marq Burnett of AnnistonStar.com:
TUSCALOOSA — Alabama coach Nick Saban announced today that running back Tyren Jones has been dismissed from the team following his arrest.
Jones was arrested this morning and charged with marijuana possession second-degree, according to the Tuscaloosa police department.
“Tyren Jones was indefinitely suspended from the football program early in the semester," Saban said in a university news release. "He was given an opportunity academically and from a team rules standpoint, but he failed to do any of the things necessary to comply with the rules of the Alabama football program. He was dismissed from the team when he refused to follow the parameters given to him for reinstatement.”
Dark times in Tuscaloosa indeed. Could Saban's empire be crumbling due to their failure to invest in culture?
Culture-building (and realizing they're recruiting a kid's family as much as the kid) seems to be working wonders for Urban Meyer, who, as you might have forgotten, is the guy who coached the team that trounced Nick Saban's team a little under three months ago.
APROPS OF NOTHING. Ohio State's 2002 national title ring appeared in my TweetDeck stream yesterday via 11wer From the 18. I think I like it better than the 2014 renditions:
THOSE WMDs. Students pay big for college sports... The Most Isolated Town on Earth Wants a Radical Redesign... Please go away forever, Jay Z... Photo: Chris Farley hangs at the Marquette rugby house... PHOTO: Majestic Steve Kerr... I'm confident this Redditor's rant is the hottest grilled cheese #take in history.... The struggle to save the pangolin... Holy smokes, Steph Curry.
