It's Friday, but please don't flaunt it in the comments. I'm the weekend editor this weekend, so I'll be staring at my computer for 10 hours today and tomorrow like it's Tuesday.
But don't cry for me, Columbus. It's more than worth it as I'm trying to leave this game as the best to ever do it.
This week's NSFW ANTI-WORK #BANGERS:
- Jones Big ASS Truck Rental.
- The Count, censored.
- Super Mario, Russian brothers edition.
RUSSELL TO THE LAKERS. It happened. The Lakers passed on Duke's Jahlil Okafor and selected D'Angelo Russell (and his silky suit).
Here's Russell doing an impression of me when the pick was announced:
.@Dloading, from @OhioStAthletics, to the @NBA. #NBADraft pic.twitter.com/gW0kixWQkl
— Ohio State on BTN (@OhioStateOnBTN) June 26, 2015
For those wondering: Russell will wear No. 1 in the pros.
D'Angelo Russell: "(I'll) definitely bring back that winning attitude."
— Los Angeles Lakers (@Lakers) June 26, 2015
Godspeed, D'Angelo. The Lakers' next items of business are to break one of Kobe's kneecaps and trade Byron Scott to the Serbian League. We'll see if it happens.
Russell is gonna love learning from Kobe. Unless he hates it, which is a distinct possibility.
— GOT 'EM COACH (@GotEm_Coach) June 26, 2015
Russell, by the way, was born four months before Kobe Bryant was drafted. I would pay money to watch those two play one-on-one for the first time (because you know it's coming).
ACTUALLY, BARRETT IS THE BEST. The thing about calling your #QBGeddon shot is that you're either discounting a national champion, the Big Ten Freshman of the Year, or a two-time Silver Football Winner.
From Stewart Mandel of FoxSports.com:
Barrett, by comparison, finished with a 169.8 rating, second nationally only to Heisman winner Marcus Mariota. He averaged roughly the same passing yardage as Jones (236.2 per game) but had a better completion percentage (64.6) and TD-INT ratio (34 to 10). But most of all, he was a much more dangerous runner, notching 1,117 yards before sacks and 78.2 net yards per game.
Now, it's not an entirely fair comparison since Jones played almost exclusively against top-notch opponents while Barrett got to inflate his stats against the likes of Kent State, Maryland and Indiana. But Barrett did face an eventual 11-win Michigan State team on the road in early November and was nothing short of sensational, finishing 16-of-26 for 300 yards, three touchdowns and no picks while rushing for 86 yards and two scores.
Barrett, simply put, played like an elite quarterback last season, and he should be 100 percent recovered from a broken ankle this preseason. Never mind his own team -- I consider him to be the second-best returning quarterback in the country.
Mandel wasn't the only one to posit his stone for J.T.
Phil Steele on Finebaum show said he believes J.T Barrett will win the starting Quarterback job for Ohio State.
— jbook (@jbook37) June 25, 2015
Braxton's fitness earned headlines a couple weeks back, but Barrett looks to be in pristine condition as well. There's also no doubt the offense was most efficient under Barrett. I don't know; there's really no wrong pick.
I just want this to end, like tomorrow.
DANG, EZEKIEL. Coaches describe Ezekiel Elliott's off-the-ball behavior as "violent."
Here's that attitude encapsulated into one play that I somehow missed during the telecast and subsequent re-watchings:
Yes, that's former Ohio State target Trey DePriest getting pinwheeled into another dimension. Ezekiel made it like he truck-sticked my sorry ass.
Fair warning to students: If you see Ezekiel running through campus while late to class... just step aside.
GRANT SETTLES IN PITTSBURGH. The Pittsburgh Steelers are the second-worst franchise in sports (1. Boston Celtics, 3. Dallas Cowboys), and Steeler fans in Ohio are the worst subset of sports fans this side of Michigan's fan base, so it pains me that another Ohio State boss got sentenced to years of hard labor there.
From Nate Ulrich of Ohio.com:
“They say, ‘I’m going to cheer for you, but I’m not going to cheer for the Steelers,’” Grant said Tuesday while players from the AFC participated in a youth football clinic at Browns headquarters as part of the NFL Rookie Symposium. “It’s all good. But at the same time, we’re planning on beating the Browns every chance we get.”
Grant explained he grew up cheering for the Dallas Cowboys but “had respect” for the Steelers and would often watch their games on TV.
“They were always tough. They were always [aggressive] to the ball. They were always making plays,” said Grant, a cornerback and captain for the Buckeyes when they captured the first national title in college football’s playoff era this past season. “I never really claimed them as my team until now, but there was something about the Steelers that always caught my eye. And with [linebacker and fellow Akron native] James Harrison playing for them, I had to watch.”
Grant better train hard, because Luke McCown is planning the AFC North's reckoning right now!!!
SAW IT ON TWITTER, SO IT MUST BE TRUE. I set-up Tweetdeck columns for certain OSU players, and it leads to things like this:
So why was Cardale Jones at bdubs in Mt Vernon hahaha
— Blake (@Algire3) June 23, 2015
Why is anybody in Mt. Vernon, Blake? Cardale doesn't answer to you!!!
It can also lead to horrifying sights like this from a random, Columbus-area woman:
Braxton Miller is dipping his fries in mayonnaise in case you cared
— Taylor Ferguson (@yagirlfergie) June 26, 2015
In my heart, I am a 500-pound man who starts every day by bonging Twinkie cream.
One of my deepest shames is my love for mayonnaise, but not even I'm sadistic enough to pair Mayonnaise on my fries... in public.
I have docked Braxton 100 #QBGeddon points accordingly.
THOSE WMDs. The fiendish life of a #teen serial killer... Bay Area stand up... Randey Chung keeps it real... The Internet of Things You Don't Need... This is how Uber takes over a city.
